Originally posted by Dottie Unfortunatly I feel that most of my life I have taken impressions mainly from my friends. And the times were I had chances to grew out of this I usally blew it by seeking new groups of friends instead of thinking for myself about what I want and how I should act.
I would be the opposite of this then.
I never tried to fit in to what the crowd "thought" I should. From middle school till I graduated I never had any close friends. I was Weasel. The whole school knew me by this..(Some to this day still only know me by this name) Asked who Michael ******* is most would say.."I believe he was in my class"
I was more influenced by outdoors, books and games than anything else. (Some latenight Kung Fu movies too). The groups I meet while out on the town (Sat and Fri) would decide to do something..I would then decide to go along or not. Leedog can tell you I'm more of a loner. 13 years of friendship..I see him once (sometimes twice) every three or four months.
"Vile and evil, yes. But, That's Weasel" From BS's book, MD 20/20: Fine Wines of Rocky Flop.
I never tried to fit in to what the crowd "thought" I should. From middle school till I graduated I never had any close friends. I was Weasel. The whole school knew me by this..(Some to this day still only know me by this name) Asked who Michael ******* is most would say.."I believe he was in my class"
This sort of reminds me of me between 9 - 15, although it didn't save me from being picked on by the other kids. I kept to myself, did most things on my own, had a few friends but trusted no one. Having some so called friends turn on me when the group of bullies started growing strong probably caused that paranoid attitude.
Later in life I did start to trust some people, or more specifically, girls... Problem was, I trusted them just for being girls, since no girl had bashed me (physically) over the head. Now, was that a mistake...
<a long list of negative influences removed for profound language>
After yet another (rather long) fit of cynical paranoia, I've started to at least try to judge people by merit of their person and behaviour, not just on hardwired cues. Looking back, it's kind of scary to see that my responses to people were pretty much those that make you into a racist, such as prejudices based on race, nationality or preconcieved notions of "how people are".
Most positive influences in my life have been teachers. I hardly remember Mrs. Richardson, my first grade teacher, but I know she set me off on the right track. Later, I had a science teacher, who inspired me to pick up natural sciences. He also supported me against my antagonists, but unfortunately, support from a teacher just made it worse. He did let me "hide out" in the computer room however, which undoubtedly has shaped my life.
The greatest influence of all is my wife. Besides being the love of my life, she also made me start thinking again.
The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations David Friedman
Re: Re: Influences and development (only topic related spam, please)
Originally posted by mental_nomad This is a very deep question. It is not one answered easily. I can tell you a portion of events that have affected me. Influenced my instinctive as well as concious behaviour.
I am the son of a career soldier. He was combat veteran of WW2, Korea and Veit Nam. He suffered from PTSD. He was an alcoholic. He was firm but very fair, when sober. When I was 16 he had back of his skull crushed in. They pulled bone fragments from his brain, yet he lived. But he was not the same man. He was a true paraniod psycotic. I could still see glimpses of my father but it was ... I cannot tell you the loss I felt then and now.
I was the one that found him one night, by then he was living alone. It was the same night O.J. Smpson had his white bronco chase. It was summer and he had been dead a long time. Needless to say his condition was enough to make want to throw up. I still feel sick when I smell decay.
I regret now so many things I did not do better for him.
Also, I was married just under 10 years. it is corny i know, but i loved her more each day. She cheated on me, giving me in the process, 3 std's. And to top it off, after our divorce, she married the guy on my birthday.
I have endured violence, real violence. the type that hospitalises you. where guns are fired, knives are bloodied , where fear is a thing that stuns you in it's power (hence way i don't get off on violence in games or movies. you'll never hear me say "oh cool" )
i have been abused by the police. i have lost family in wars. both to death and to drugs.
what effect has it had.?? i have no real idea. But i know it wasn't fun life so far.
It sounds like a very harsh life, full of very depressing and difficult experiences
When a person gets a severe brain injury and turn into something completely else, is it often more painful than if the person just dies.
My goodness, you found your father when he had been dead a long time?! How horrible for you - and how sad - he must have been lonely person...
Life is so unfair...this is one of the most difficult question we humans have to deal with. I remember a guy I once met who was abused in his home, and therefore was placed in a foster home at young age...only to be sexually abused by both his foster parents. It took years before the social services eventually listened to him and believed him. He had only been living by himself for a few years when it turned out he had primary progressive MS - the worst form. He was in a wheelchair two years later, not yet 30 years old.
Some people deal with their difficulties and unfairness of life through faith - by believing people who suffer a lot will eventually get their reward in a life after this, or by believing everybody has a karma, and bad experiences is "paying off" bad things you did in previous lives. Others, like me, belive there is no fate and no rewards, the only thing we can do with out bad experiences is trying to get stronger as persons, seek out help and support when we need it, and strive for life to be better in the future.
"There are in fact two things, science and opinion; the former begets knowledge, the latter ignorance." - Hippocrates
Moderator of Planescape: Torment, Diablo I & II and Dungeon Siege forums
Re: Re: Re: Influences and development (only topic related spam, please)
Originally posted by C Elegans Some people deal with their difficulties and unfairness of life through faith - by believing people who suffer a lot will eventually get their reward in a life after this, or by believing everybody has a karma, and bad experiences is "paying off" bad things you did in previous lives. Others, like me, belive there is no fate and no rewards, the only thing we can do with out bad experiences is trying to get stronger as persons, seek out help and support when we need it, and strive for life to be better in the future.
I'm sort of between the two. I honestly think that the universe will balance out in the end, if there ever is an end, but I also don't think everyone will end up fair and square per se, rather some will be more disadvantaged than they should and others will be better off than they should. In the meantime you can but learn from your experiences and move on. Hardship teaches us compassion, if we choose to learn from it.
Proud SLURRite Gunner of the Rolling Thunder (TM) - Visitors WELCOME!
([size=0]Feel free to join us for a drink, play some pool or even relax in a hottub - want to learn more?[/size]
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Influences and development (only topic related spam, please)
Originally posted by Weasel On the sad side it also can teach hate.
True. It depends on how react to it.
Proud SLURRite Gunner of the Rolling Thunder (TM) - Visitors WELCOME!
([size=0]Feel free to join us for a drink, play some pool or even relax in a hottub - want to learn more?[/size]
Re: Re: Re: Re: Influences and development (only topic related spam, please)
Originally posted by mental_nomad Anyone can learn from thier own mistakes, but a wise person is one who learns from other people's mistakes.
I certainly agree with this. One of my friends who is a forensic psycholgist once said "If people could learn from listening to other people, then 90% of all psychologists could retire".
We seem to be better to learn "by proxy" as children. As soon as we hit the teens, the ability seems to drop for every year...the more independant we become, the more it seems we need to experience things ourselves before believing it.
"There are in fact two things, science and opinion; the former begets knowledge, the latter ignorance." - Hippocrates
Moderator of Planescape: Torment, Diablo I & II and Dungeon Siege forums
I have vivid memories of my school years. I was never very popular in the early grades due to being the "brain" type. I made good grades, and I wasn't "cool." I was rather shy and introverted - the only thing that kept me from being physically bullied, I think, was the fact that I was always the tallest kid in class. This didn't stop the taunting, however, and it only seemed to grow worse as time went on. I never fought back. I was taught by my mother that becoming angry was wrong, and the examples I witnessed of my father losing his temper (which he did quite often) reinforced this (there was little physical abuse, but much verbal abuse). I was afraid of fighting back.
The turning point for me, I think, was when I hit adolescence. At this point, I hated my father, hated school, and hated the "establishment." At this time I was living in Germany in the early to mid 1980s, when punk groups like the Sex Pistols and the Dead Kennedys were at their zenith in popularity. Music and literature influenced me greatly - perhaps more than anything else, since I spent much time reading, writing, and listening to music - and I began to resent what was generally accepted as "normal." I listened to the kinds of music that my parents despised - groups like AC/DC, Bob Marley, Pink Floyd, the Sex Pistols, Metallica (they were new then), Devo, and so on - and I completely rejected both them and anyone (or thing) that would try to assert control over me. I also hung out with people my parents despised.
I lost myself in reading, writing, drawing, and playing the guitar; these were my escapes from a world that I felt was false. I spent a good deal of time being depressed. Friendships were ethereal to me; my family moved so often, I couldn't keep friends for more than two years at a time. Another escape for me was getting stoned, which I did quite frequently. By this time, the taunting at school had ceased. I had become somewhat of the class clown, as well. I focused my imagination on my teachers, and relished correcting them when they were mistaken about something - spelling, treaty dates, geographical locations, etc. Most couldn't stand me, but one in particular - my high school Literature teacher - tried to get through to me (I never messed with her, btw; I really liked her). I wouldn't allow her to do this, however, and now looking back I wish that I did. She had alot of hope for me, and felt that if I stuck it out, I could work towards publishing my writings. I still feel a deep regret for missing that. At that time, she was one of the few people that I actually believed.
In all, I think I attended 13 schools during my school years. I didn't know what stability meant, and I envied those who grew up with the same friends. I would lose mine every couple of years, and as I grew older this became increasingly more difficult to bear. I think this had a tremendous impact on me.
Finally, after having been at the end of my rope for long enough, I decided to do something completely alien to my way of thinking. I despised the military (my father was career military), and thoughts of it conjured visions of jack-booted thugs in my mind. After my school years were over - and I was legally old enough - I decided to join the U.S. military. Really.
CYNIC, n.:
A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. -[url="http://www.alcyone.com/max/lit/devils/a.html"]The Devil's Dictionary[/url]
What an interesting and though provoking question.
Because I haven't been on this earth that long (Only 16 years), these answers will probably not be the same as they would in let's say......10-20 years.
My parents: Well, obviously both are the people who have raised me, I owe a lot of credit for my well being to them. My dad did take care of me, but he really never got involved in my socialt interactions, feelings, goals, and ambitions as much as my mother did. I love my father; but many times I think that my mother has done more. The main thing I can say about my mother was that she shaped my ambitions and goals. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have such high hopes in academics & in careers as I do now.
My brother has done a lot for me materialistically, introduced me to new things more so than anyone else in the world, opened up whatever my parents did not in the world, and has also shaped my political views for the past two years (the transition from a moderate left winger to a right wing person)
There are definantly more things (things that escape my head at the moment) that my family has done for me. My friends and extended family had nowhere near the influence they have had.
My other biggest influence is well.....life....all these experiences, events, and actions add up and have helped shaped me into the person I am today (wether that be a good or bad thing )
I forgot to mention one person who has been quite an influence on me. C Elegans herself. She proved to me it is possible to have a debate without agendas, chest beating or pettiness. The fact that she is charming with it is also helpful
I'd have to get drunk every night and talk about virility...And those Pink elephants I'd see.
Thank you Sleep, that's very kind of you I am happy if I have some sort of positive influence on somebody!
Good you bumped this thread, I just realised I never answered my own question.
My family obviously influenced me a lot when I was younger, mainly in two ways, first by providing a safe, warm and loving upbringing for me, full of encouragement and affirmation. Second, by being so narrow minded, conventional and conservative so I quickly realised I wanted another kind of life.
As a teenager, I was very influenced by lots of friends, literature and art. Nothing has influenced me as much as my travelling though, which started there. Seeing and learning about other cultures and see the smallness of your own little world, was a major influence on me.
Some very negative things happened during my teens, and I was very depressed for some years. Cliche as it may sound, it was hard then but it taught me some important things: life is now, not later, and nobody else can change your life except you. Self pity doesn't lead anywhere, neither does apathy or fear. This life is all we have, so live it to the fullest, every moment. Don't compromise with that.
A person who has influenced me a lot professionally, is my professor and supervisor. Noone can challenge me as he can, and noone has ever presented real intellectual challenges to me like he did. Now I work mostly independant from him, but I am sure I wouldn't have the same passion for science as I have, if I hadn't met him.
"There are in fact two things, science and opinion; the former begets knowledge, the latter ignorance." - Hippocrates
Moderator of Planescape: Torment, Diablo I & II and Dungeon Siege forums
The whole school knew me by this..(Some to this day still only know me by this name) Asked who Michael ******* is most would say.."I believe he was in my class" 
