Fun&Phillophisy

Craig · Post by **Craig** » Thu Jun 07, 2001 6:04 am

You have to see if its Phillophisy or a joke
Wise chinese man say "Goto bed with itchy bum, wakeup with brown finger"
Which?

Mr Sleep · Post by **Mr Sleep** » Thu Jun 07, 2001 6:07 am

How come are they spelt differently Craig?

What are you suggesting, some kind of homeless outreach program?

fable · Post by **fable** » Thu Jun 07, 2001 10:13 am

Why either, rather than both?

Craig · Post by **Craig** » Thu Jun 07, 2001 10:43 am

dunno

fable · Post by **fable** » Thu Jun 07, 2001 11:20 am

Well, then, there you are.

Mr Sleep · Post by **Mr Sleep** » Fri Jun 08, 2001 5:09 am

Did anyone get my joke or was i being to literal?

fable · Post by **fable** » Fri Jun 08, 2001 12:05 pm

I got it. I can't speak for Craig, though, particularly since we don't share a common language.

(Sorry, Craig!)

Mr Sleep · Post by **Mr Sleep** » Mon Jun 11, 2001 4:12 am

At least someone did, thanks Fable

Vehemence · Post by **Vehemence** » Mon Jun 11, 2001 4:34 am

Originally posted by Mr Sleep:
Did anyone get my joke or was i being to literal?

*Scratches head in bafflement*

Type slower coz I can't read fast

Mr Sleep · Post by **Mr Sleep** » Mon Jun 11, 2001 4:38 am

Originally posted by Mr Sleep:
How come are they spelt differently Craig?

What are you suggesting, some kind of homeless outreach program?

Homeless outreach, bum, get it?

Vehemence · Post by **Vehemence** » Mon Jun 11, 2001 4:48 am

Originally posted by Mr Sleep:
Homeless outreach, bum, get it?

Get what?

*Scratches head in bafflement some more*

Just kidding sleep... I get it.. no really I do!

Mr Sleep · Post by **Mr Sleep** » Mon Jun 11, 2001 5:17 am

Good i was starting to think it might actually be funny

Craig · Post by **Craig** » Mon Jun 11, 2001 9:42 am

Dunno about the spelling

cheesemage · Post by **cheesemage** » Mon Jun 11, 2001 9:45 am

just spamming..............

KidD01 · Post by **KidD01** » Mon Jun 11, 2001 9:48 am

Now what do you all think about this :
"If you want to be threated as an adult, do what your mother says !"

[ 06-11-2001: Message edited by: KidD01 ]

KidD01 · Post by **KidD01** » Tue Jun 12, 2001 12:24 pm

Homer Simpson Words of Wisdom

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose...it's how drunk you get.
------
Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?
------
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably.
The lesson is, never try.
------
It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
------
Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No!
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!
Homer: Heh heh heh... ooh... yeah... right, Lisa. A wonderful... magical animal.
------
Marge: Do you want your son to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, or a sleazy male stripper?
Homer: Can't he be both, like the late Earl Warren?
Marge: Earl Warren was never a stripper!
Homer: Oh, now who's being naive?
------
Homer: But every time I learn something new, it pushes out something old! Remember that time I took a home wine-making course and forgot how to drive?
Marge: That's because you were drunk!
Homer: And how!
------
Oh, Lisa, you and your stories: Bart's a vampire, beer kills brain cells. Now let's go back to that...building...thingie... where our beds and TV... is.
------
Operator! Give me the number for 911!
------
Lenny: Hey, Homer? What do I tell the boss?
Homer: Tell him I'm going to the back seat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
------
Big brother representative: Now, Mr. Simpson, may I ask why you're here?
Homer's brain: Don't say revenge. Don't say revenge.
Homer: Ummm... revenge?
Homer's brain: Okay, that's it. I'm outta here.
(step step step step step...slam)
------
Homer: Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer.
Homer's Brain: It's a deal!
------
Homer: But Marge! I was a political prisoner!
Marge: How were you a political prisoner?
Homer: I kicked a giant mouse in the butt! Do I have to draw you a picture?
------
Homer: Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one! (chugs beer)
------
Old man: Take this doll, but beware; it carries a terrible curse.
Homer: Ooo, that's bad.
Old man: But it comes with a free serving of frozen yogurt!
Homer: That's good!
Old man: The frozen yogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Old man: But it comes with your choice of toppings!
Homer: That's good!
Old man: The toppings contain potassium benzoate...
Homer: (confused look)
Old man: That's bad.
Homer: Can I go now?
------
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
------
Homer's brain: Use reverse psychology.
Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
Homer's brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: Okay, I will!
------
Homer: When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie -- Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and
disturbing. Like that movie -- Police Academy.
------
Marge: Homer, did you call the audience "Chicken"?
Homer: No! I swear on this bible!
Marge: That's not a bible. That's a book of carpet samples.
Homer: Mmmm... fuzzy.
------
Lisa: Dad, we did something very bad!
Homer: Did you wreck the car?
Bart: No.
Homer: Did you raise the dead?
Lisa: Yes.
Homer: But the car's okay?
Bart & Lisa: Uh-huh.
Homer: All right then.
------
Mmmmm... reprocessed pig fat...
------
(praying): Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign whatsoever... thy bidding will be done (munch munch munch).
------
What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway.