most enteraining moments

[Amari Evengfall]

I am new to the messageboard world, this being my first thread ever. do with this as you will, but I m requesting the funniest moments of your player/Dm carrers. this is mine

in a group I was in, I, there was a half orc barbarian with the intl. of 3. he could only understand three concepts: Rock (sometng to throw), Food (something to eat), and friend (something that became rock when there was none). he also had the amazing ability to see into the future. as the campagain was begining, we were in the market to stock up. I was looking at a sword in a shop run by a halfling, when he grabbed me by the shoulders, spun me to look in his eyes, and screamed "DON'T BY THE HP PACKARD, IT WILL ONLY CRASH WHEN YOU LOG IN!!!!!!!!!!" then he procided to rend the halfling in two and devover him. perplexed, after the session, I spoke with dan, our DM, and asked him what that was all about. dans response was "he saw the balde you were going to by getting a knick in battle."

I hope you enjoy this story and are willing to share some of yours.

[FlashBack]

we just started a new campaign in which i were a monk, and a friend of me an bard.
we were just walking around in a town when i decided to test my skills:
I managed to climb on a roof (just a house), there i jumped onto a OTHER roof, which i managed to do by a big juicy 20. While is sat there, the bard went over to the market and started singing...i asked the DM if i could jump on his back, and i could!, so i ran from the roof jumped on his back.
he then snapped his back when i landed on him (to much weight!), then my plan was simply to run away...only he had a different plan:
he was able to sting me with is bajonet (1d4-1...) so i was happy to let it go (i got 9 hp), he rolled: 20, me: "AAARGH!", everybody else in the room: "LOL".
second roll for the critical threat...: 20, me:"NOO!!!", every body else: "There goes the Monk!"
third roll: 2, me: "pfff...", everybody else: Silent....
damage roll: 1d4-1: he rolled: 2, 2x2=4! I SURVIVED!, strangely enough he didn't like me anymore in the game...
outside the game: best fun ever...

another one:
I was just new and i was playing a lvl 10 N-G Pelor cleric, very basic indeed,
de DM was making things up as he was playing, so very strange situations happened.....Luckily enough for my mates: i wasn't an ordinary basic lvl 10 N-G pelor cleric...OH NO!: i was ready to blow myself up ANYTIME!.
so: "An airship with thousands of raiders is going to land in the city..."
më:"Great!, i pack myself op with some C4, then cast air walk: and just do my thing!
DM:"*sigh* ok, up in heaven you meet pelor, which DOESN'T want you in heaven so he ressurects you with all your gear...."
me:"Again? what did i do wrong against the man!? "

Hope you enjoyed it, at the time: I DID!:laugh:

[Oskatat]

[QUOTE=FlashBack] DM:"*sigh* ok, up in heaven you meet pelor, which DOESN'T want you in heaven so he ressurects you with all your gear...."
me:"Again? what did i do wrong against the man!?[/QUOTE]

your own god doesnt like you.... that must've taken something

I think I posted something like this before:

A new player as rogue and a 'mad hacker' type fighter didnt get along well in the game. In the end it came to blows and the fighter gets a hard blow in with his battleaxe. "Luckily" they do this in the office of the local captain of the guard, a high level cleric, who simply casts hold person on the fighter (nice low will safes of warrior types). Unfortunately, the rogue wanted revenge.... immediately... a paralyzed opponent is a helpless defender. With a nice coup the grace and a failed fortitude save later, the fighter was stabbed dead and the rogue arrested and (failed breakout attempt later) hanged for murder.

Law abiding as the city was, all clerics in town refused to raise them or revive them in any way, since the fighter might have been sentenced to death in any case and the rogue was really sentenced to death. (1 case of attempted murder and 1 case 2nd degree murder)

In later games, they all behaved pretty well when in town somewhere

[Magrus]

There was a campaign I was playing recently where myself, and two other players were convicts who were taken and given the choice to serve for a lord, or die. We chose to serve, and we were all evil. I was a monk, and the other two characters kept fighting, holding up our quest. One of them, was an idiot, and started poking a skeletal corpse. What do you know, we are surrounded by undead.

After defeating the undead, the two started arguing. I jump kicked the one who woke up the undead in the head for subdual damage, knocking him out cold, while the other shouts "Glad that wasn't me!" :laugh:

@ Oskatat.

[Siberys]

Let's see, some minor ones-

Campaign where me and some other people in a campaign, called Stoneling, bicker about the most useless and superfluous of things. We even argued about what race I am, pitiful no?

Campaign at a club in School, a guy went to gather information on a "shady lookin character" and those were HIS words. He found one, but he was shady because he liked, no, not liked, LOVED shoes. The guy convinced him that his shoes are valuable, and the DM's shoe guy started wrestling off his shoes in a bar.

And of course, onto my favorites-

DM- Alright, what are you doing sean?
Sean- I'm gonna go prostate myself in front of my god.
Houston- hehe, so your gonna bang on that chode are ya.
**********

DM- Alright, what are you doing Sean?
Sean- I'm gonna gag the guy and keep him in a closet with a skeleton, and by morning, I'll cast a power to make him kill himself.
Me(out of game)- Your chaotic GOOD, you don't do crap like that.
Sean- Watch me, hehehe.
**********

DM- "Very well, to be accepted in our church, you must first walk through the flames of Kossuth." DM out of game- he leads you to a human sized oven.
Sean- I walk through it then.
DM- "Very good, you have been accepted." DM out of game- You took 32 points of damage.
Sean- Aww, that's not even half. Sean in game- "Can I go through it again?"
DM- "Umm, I..I guess."
Sean- *walks through, stops in the middle and starts dancing. *Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my night time gal."


Some stupid stuff there.

[Philos]

one of mine

Was DM'ing for a hearty band of adventurers called "The Sophomores" (due to their making typical "sophomore" mistakes). They were in a town on my campaign world that dealt in slavery. Their leader was a wannabe Paladin named Eldon. I say wannabe because he had a charisma of 8 or 9 and a wisdom that matched that score like a bookend. But he was trying his best to be paladin like. The party goes into a tavern. They spot several "ladies" all congregating around this very well to do looking NPC (their pimp). He walks across the room, gets in the guy's face (total stranger mind you), asks "These girls work for you?" The guy answers, "Yes, are you interested?" Eldon then says, I slap the guy across the face as hard as I can. The other party members (almost in unison) cry out, "ELDON, WHAT ARE THINKING!?!?" Well, needless to say, it hit the fan. Slapping a pimp in front of his girls on his own home turf. It was one heck of a bar room brawl. The party won after much pain and consternation. Between that brawl and deciding to trash the city's slave pens and market, Eldon earned the nickname of "Abraham" Eldon.

[Oskatat]

when a player of mine threw a "feather token, tree" between my evil boss his legs and spoke the command word to make a tree grow there, 60 ft high, instantanously and commented "up yours".

[Pellinore]

I can remember waaay back about 20 years My DM was trying to kill us all off for some reason or another. We had my Bard lvl 2 , a thief lvl 2, a Paladin lvl 1, a ranger lvl 1, and a mage lvl 1. The Dungeon Master pitted us against a freakin BANSHEE which killed everyone but the thief and I with its wail. Instantaneously. The thief died on the very next round and I kept pecking away at it with my +2 dagger 3 hp at a time....... Three hours later I finally killed the banshee with my +2 dagger. It was excruciatingly amusing. The DM was mad at us for a month and let us all keep or reroll characters but I kept my bard which retired at level 36 never having to be resurrected.

[Draconin]

Here are a few...

I have one of the best DMs ever. With her there are never any so-called "train rides". But things can get out of hand.

Here is the first one:

I was playing a bard that worshipped Nerrul(god of death). One of the people in my play group always plays a bard and hates being upstaged.

So I enter the tavern and then started this conversation with the DM:

Me:Alright, I enter the bar.
DM:You are in the bar.
Me:I start playing Johnny Cash songs.
DM:You dont know any Johnny Cash songs.
Me:I dont care.
DM:Okay, you sing a Johnny Cash song. Unfortunately, it seems that none of the patrons are fans of Johnny Cash. You are shoved out of the bar.
Me:I go back in and play another song.
DM:As it turns out "Another Song" is a big hit with the crowd. You rake in gold.
Jake:Thats not fair! Alright, I go in and totally show him up.
DM:Okay, you totally show him up.
Me:I hit him over the head with a bottle of booze.
*roll*
DM:You hit him. He is knocked uncoscious.
Wyatt:I kick Adam(me) in the shin.
*roll*
DM:Adam is kicked in the shin.
Me:I hit Wyatt with another bottle of booze.
*roll*
DM:You rolled a 1. You kinda swing the bottle around and accidentally hit yourself. You are scarred. You lose 2 charisma.
Me:#amn! alright, I go outside.
Meanwhile, Nate was trying to recruit people for his party. I went to the temple to be healed.
Me:"Alright cleric, heal me up."
Becky:"Sure. Thatll be two gold, please."
Me:"Okay, Ive got plenty."
DM:You spontaneously lose all your gold.
Me:AGAIN!? "Alright, I take out a loan."
Nate:"Would you be willing to join my party?"
Me:"No."
Nate:"Please?"
Me:"Only if you give me two gold."
Nate:"But I didnt give any other people in the party any gold to join"
Me:"I dont care, just give me the freaking gold!"
DM:That was a very bardish thing to say. You gain role-playing XP. You are now level three.
Me:Woot!

Maybe you had to have been there. But there was another time when I was playing a half-orc monk. We had really pissed off the town guard by killing chickens, but not so much that they attacked us...

Jake:I attempt a disguise check.
*roll*
DM:Success. All the guards look at you and say "Hello person who Ive never met but seems strangely familiar!"
Me:I attempt a disguise check too.
Jake:Monks cant disguise themselves.
DM:Shush. Here, roll.
*roll*
Me:I got a five.
DM:You fail miserably. Somehow you kinda take some lipstick and smear it all over your face. You lose five charisma.
Me:Why the hell do things like this keep happening to me?
Kerry:"Ill pay you ten gold to rob the store."
Me and DM:What store?
Kerry:The generic store that you always put into every town and is always exactly the same.
DM:Oh. THAT store.
Me:"Yay! I rob the store."
DM:Okay. You robbed the store. You now have a crapload of gold. Roll to see if you get away.
Me:Um...okay...
*roll*
DM:You got a two. Somehow all your gold suddenly kinda goes "poof!" and you are spontaneously transported into a dungeon along with all your party members. Oh, and you lose two charisma.
Me:#AMMIT!!!

[Magrus]

Goodfellas in action

A new one....

A new campaign I joined with another player ended up with the two of us chasing a halfling thief out of the back of an inn. I was on the roof with my fighter/wizard, and the other player was going through the backdoor with his Fighter/cleric. The thief dumped a large amount of caltrops in front of the doorway behind him, all of which were purple and red tipped. Then, he read a scroll and dissapeared. I cast see invisibility, and the other player cast true seeing, we saw 6 halflings running away.

I cast magic missile and hit five of them, the other player cast Dispel Magic, which failed. They kept running. I fired a few arrows into three of them, they kept running. Then, I polymorphed into an eagle, flew after them, upon which time the other player decided to stay there, grab and inspect the caltrops. As I changed shape and flew off, the f/c player was poised by the purple and red caltrops, and was reduced to a Strength of 1 by very strong poison.

I attacked the halfling, brought him down to below 0 HP and he fell to the ground unconcious. I switched back to elven form, searched him, ignored the guards gawking at me, terrified at seeing what just happened. I found a bunch of stuff, the antidote, took his stuff and carried the theif back to the tavern and saw the cleric struggling to cast a spell to heal himself, but failing miserably due to the sheer lack of strength to lift his arms due to his full plate mail armor being too much of a burden to move.

I then dragged the dwarven cleric back into the tavern, administered the antidote, and fixed up the dwarf. Then, searching the place for rope, I couldn't find any. I hacked apart a stool, took the stool leg and went to dragging the halfling around while searching the place, planning to whack him on the head if he woke up. When suddenly the dwarf chimed in, "Why not use sheets from the beds to tie him up?". Cursing, I said that was a good idea, and we tied him up. Then I went to raiding the bar of it's finest stock of wine and spirits.

Upon which, the DM says out of game "Heh, congratulations, you two are now hitmen!"

[Siberys]

>>>As I changed shape and flew off, the f/c player was poisoned by the purple and red caltrops, and was reduced to a Strength of 1 by very strong poison.

Just an emphasis on how he was poisoned, he knew that they had red and purple tips, but he literally bent down to pick them up and examine them.

[Ravager]

I suppose I was supposed to know simply touching them would poison me then?
I'm sure I said that I wanted to examine one carefully...

[QUOTE=Mag] "Why not use sheets from the beds to tie him up?"[/QUOTE]
I wish I could say I'd thought of it earlier and was just enjoying watching you blundering around like that.... :laugh:

And no-one told me about the hitmen line...I would have liked that.

[Demortis]

There were three of usplaying a class my friend created, "Benders". Benders are just glorified elementalists. I played an Air bender, my brother played a water bender and the NPC was an earth bender. When we were attacked the Earth bending human female creates a plarge boulder by punching the ground levitates it in the air and punchs it, slamming into a human in plate mail, crushing his ribcage andkilling him instantly. My only words were, "Damn, I knew I should have studied earth bending over air!" Mybrothers words, "Right, then you would be a rock head. No offence Emily."

[Philos]

From another campaign

A halfling fighter/thief was out front scouting out an area in stealth mode. Playing the typical curious packrat type of halfling this character had acquired a robe of pockets (forget the exact item name) that functions like a bag of holding. And he had packed every pocket just about full of every conceivable item he thought might be needed on an adventure. He missed a detect roll and fell (literally) prey to a spiked pit trap. Being the typical lucky chap that he was, he survives the fall, albeit badly hurt. Then it was time to make saving throws for his items. First item to check, since he is wearing it, is the robe. He throws a "1". Not only failure, but catastrophic failure. The robe was shredded by the spikes, the magic totally rent. "Everything" in the pockets springs forth at once. There was so much stuff it filled the pit to overflow, between the crushing damage and being pushed farther onto the spikes it killed the poor guy. The image of ladders, staves, etc. popping out the top of the pit brought the whole group (including the player of the character) to tears of laughter. He said at the start of the campaign if he died it would be in a blaze of glory. That it was. But the irony of being a victim of his own overplanning was just too funny.

[Oskatat]

it's a robe (or vest) of many pockets (or things). and it's a good way to go

[Philos]

That rings a bell

Robe of Many Things sure sounds about right. Thanks