The Tofu Cafe: Make mine organic, please.

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Sat Oct 05, 2002 12:34 pm

There's organic wheat, organic bean sprouts, and organic vegetarian chili. I especially like organic blue corn tortilla chips - I ate two whole bags one day, and still couldn't get enough of 'em.

There's organic versions of nearly every product popping up on the market now. Myself, I would love to see organic beer.

You know...now that I think about it, I bet 'shine dripped out of a surgical steel whiskey still - using only purified water and organic corn, of course

- would be downright tasty. looks like a trip back up to Tennessee is in my immediate future...

Maw, pass the organic corn squeezins!

The time for organic SPAM - Tofu - has arrived. Brain food for the intellectually inefficient, and doesn't taste that bad with a dollop of organic dijon.

Here's a few things I noticed in the news lately. I thought you might be interested in reading them.

Megalomaniacs on Parade

Turkmenistan's president Saparmurat Niyazov made two decrees five days apart in August, first changing the names of the seven days of the week and the 12 months of the year, e.g., April became "Gurbansoltan-edzhe" (the name of Niyazov's mother), and Tuesday became "Young Day." In the second decree, 12-year life cycles were created, beginning with "childhood," "adolescence" (up to age 25), on up to "wise" (age 73 to 85) and "old" (to 97). [New York Times, 8-11-02]

Least Competent Criminals

The Lost Art of Disguises: Hit man Paul Bryan, 41, was sentenced to life in prison in May for three shootings after witnesses were able to identify him under his mask because he had cut the eyeholes so large (Leeds, England). And Michael Steven Pavlich, 48, was charged with trying to rob a Circle K store in September wearing a plastic foam cooler on his head; he was unsuccessful, in part because the cooler made it impossible for the clerk to understand what Pavlich was saying (Augusta, Ga.). [The Guardian, 5-13-02] [Augusta Chronicle, 9-7-02]

People Who Can't Learn From Experience

Inmate David Ivy escaped through a hole in the fence at the Shelby County (Tenn.) jail in May; officials discovered that Ivy had escaped through the same hole in 1991 and that the hole had not since been repaired. And police in Cleveland picked up Betty Horton, 44 (and with no criminal record), in July, for the third time in eight months when they were really looking for Bettie Horton, 37; an official said he couldn't guarantee it wouldn't happen again. [Gomemphis.com, 5-24-02] [Plain Dealer, 7-30-02]

My thanks to the News of the Weird website for making these stories known.

Forget the Times, the NotW is my #1 source for information.

HighLordDave · Post by **HighLordDave** » Sat Oct 05, 2002 2:34 pm

I get all my my news from The Onion.

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Sat Oct 05, 2002 4:23 pm

lmao !

Stories like this always make me laugh

I figure what is even worse than a criminal is a criminal who gets caught. I figure, whether you are pursuing a life of crime or engaging in a respectable field like Law

D) ....if you are going to do something...either do it properly or just don't bother.

Since this is a cafe, any chance I could get an organic portobella mushroom burger with an organic greens salad, and maybe a wheat grass smoothie?

Nightmare · Post by **Nightmare** » Sat Oct 05, 2002 6:32 pm

I got all my news from Satirewire, but sadly that site was shut down.

Soooooo...there's organic beer here?

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Sat Oct 05, 2002 9:35 pm

@HLD:

I like onions. I'll check that out.

@DW:

Since this is a cafe, any chance I could get an organic portobella mushroom burger with an organic greens salad, and maybe a wheat grass smoothie?

For you, I shall personally see to it...

*turns head towards kitchen* IRRRRRMMMAAAAA! One portobella slug burger, and a wheat germ slushie on the half shell!

*whips out chef's hat, and a pair of razor-sharp wakizashis*

bows deeply Would you like your greens cross cut, DW-san?

@Gaxx:

Want the organic beer sampler?

*slides a tall glass of organic bean beer down the teflon coated bar to Gaxx*

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Sat Oct 05, 2002 9:38 pm

bows deeply Would you like your greens cross cut, DW-san?

*smiles*
Thank you Chanak, that sounds wonderful

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Sat Oct 05, 2002 10:09 pm

What an....odd place

not bad mind you.....just odd

Maharlika · Post by **Maharlika** » Sat Oct 05, 2002 10:35 pm

I have always loved tofu...

...I love eating them so much, not making them...

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Sat Oct 05, 2002 11:13 pm

@BS: Organic Spam takes some getting used to... kinda like organic chewing terbacky.

@Mah: Tofu comes in all shapes and sizes, O Scribe...

Would you like to sample the Tofu Sushi?

Maharlika · Post by **Maharlika** » Sat Oct 05, 2002 11:23 pm

Ok, I'll try one ...

Originally posted by Chanak

@Mah: Tofu comes in all shapes and sizes, O Scribe...

Would you like to sample the Tofu Sushi?

...*gets bottle of organic Japanese COMM soy sauce*

edit- forgot the organic wasabe

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Sat Oct 05, 2002 11:46 pm

@DW:

*places one portobella mushroom burger (with organic condiments of course), with the wakizashi green salad special, on the table*

Here you go...with my compliments.

Oh...and I nearly forgot!

*sets a wheat germ smoothie, dressed up with organic wheat berries, in front of DW*

Bon appetit, madmoiselle.

*whips out bottle of organic scotch, squirts some in a shot glass*
Bottoms up!

*ahem* Medicinal puposes, of course.

@Mah:

Ah, you come prepared. This is good.

*opens cooler, brings out sushi tray while a drum roll plays in the background*

I present to you, The Tofu Cafe's Organic Sushi Tray, straight from the organic (and little known) Japanese island of Sushisawa. Enjoy.

Maharlika · Post by **Maharlika** » Sat Oct 05, 2002 11:57 pm

YUM YUM!!!

Originally posted by Chanak
@Mah:

Ah, you come prepared. This is good.

*opens cooler, brings out sushi tray while a drum roll plays in the background*

I present to you, The Tofu Cafe's Organic Sushi Tray, straight from the organic (and little known) Japanese island of Sushisawa. Enjoy.

...*forgets the manners

, discards the chopsticks and uses fingers*

...say, does this have a dancing mermaid to go along with it?

ruined letters · Post by **ruined letters** » Sun Oct 06, 2002 12:12 am

How does the mermaid dance without legs exactly?

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Sun Oct 06, 2002 12:24 am

...say, does this have a dancing mermaid to go along with it?

*grins, and points to a sign behind the bar*

Dancing Mermaid Wanted...No Sharks Need Apply

Maharlika · Post by **Maharlika** » Sun Oct 06, 2002 12:28 am

Hmmm... good point...

Originally posted by ruined letters
How does the mermaid dance without legs exactly?

...however, who says she has to dance on the floor?

@Chanak: Good idea. I heard most mermaids always have to come along with a sahuagin as escort.

ruined letters · Post by **ruined letters** » Sun Oct 06, 2002 12:39 am

...however, who says she has to dance on the floor?

Could it actually be described as dancing if it were in the water? Wouldn't it be more like uh, swimming in an artistic fashion?

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Sun Oct 06, 2002 12:41 am

@Chanak: Good idea. I heard most mermaids always have to come along with a sahuagin as escort.

That's ok, Mah...I bought the last remaining can of Batman's patented "Bat Shark-Repellant." I got it as part of a package deal when I bought Robin's "Holy Birthday Cake."

I am ready. Bring them on.

Maharlika · Post by **Maharlika** » Sun Oct 06, 2002 12:59 am

Hmmm... I do remember...

Originally posted by ruined letters
Could it actually be described as dancing if it were in the water? Wouldn't it be more like uh, swimming in an artistic fashion?

...synchronized underwater ballet or something...

@Chanak: Like your Kurt avi btw...

Indeedy... bring them on!

Cheers!

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Sun Oct 06, 2002 1:37 am

@Mah:

Thanks. Kurt is my favorite.

Hey! You've found her! You've found the dancing mermaid!

You're a pretty good talent scout, Mah. Now all I need is a Karaoke Bear.

Maharlika · Post by **Maharlika** » Sun Oct 06, 2002 1:46 am

Nah...

Originally posted by Chanak
@Mah:

Thanks. Kurt is my favorite.

Hey! You've found her! You've found the dancing mermaid!

You're a pretty good talent scout, Mah. Now all I need is a Karaoke Bear.

...I didn't find the mermaid...

...she said she looked for me...

So you like Kurt, smoke and smell and all that.

But of course, I liked Logan.

GO short people!!!

As for the bear, try asking BS where Buzzy is now.

Mah