The newcomer's guide to SYM(as little spam as possible, please)

[Ode to a Grasshopper]

This thread is meant as a guide for all people new to SYM. Every time someone finds our little corner of Gamebanshee we invariably see the same questions arise. "What is COMM/SLURR/the Dark Flames?", "Who is this nice Mr Weasel?" followed inevitably at some later date by "It wasn't my fault, I was framed!" , "How on earth do C Elegans, Fable and HighLordDave know so much?" ad nauseum.

So I thought it'd be a good idea idea to make a thread which explained the various groups and general depraved madness that make up life as we know it here at SYM. So please post any advice, details, or descriptions of groups and things that you think new people to SYM should know.
If a mod could make this into a sticky that would also be much appreciated, and lets not have any advice like "Avoid the COMMs/SLURRS" from people in one group or another.
Neutral descriptions are of course fine, though let's keep the repitition to a minimum.
EDIT-Also, it could be an idea to post any links to notable threads/injokes, such as the Taco Bell incident...

[HighLordDave]

Originally posted by Ode to a Grasshopper
"How on earth do C Elegans, Fable and HighLordDave know so much?"

I can't speak for the Nematode or the Old Man, but I use a Magic 8 Ball, a Ouija Board and a Scrabble set to put in writing everything the voices tell me.

[Vicsun]

The new pre-spammer's guide to the SYM Forum-By Brink

The Pre-Spammers Guide to the SYM Forum

Our first chapter will consist of the Do's and Don'ts on this Forum

Don'ts
1) Thou will not spam serious topics
2) Thou will not utterly disrespect others
3) Thou will not use nasty words
4) Thou will not post anything that causes the board to slow down
5) Thou will not inadvertently destroy topics
6) Thou will not break the board
7) Thou will not make a topic and then claim it to thyself
8) Thou will not use an alias when thou are a moderator

Do's
1) Thou will have fun
2) Thou will be subject to flaming
3) Thou will introduce thyself to the other members
4) Thou will prove that thy are a *new* member to this forum
5) Thou will give up the pretense of having an ofline life.
6) Thou will listen to the moderators
7) Thou will praise the mighty Buck

[Vicsun]

Part no. 2

So, here it is:

1. According to the # of posts

- Amoeba 0-100 posts
- Sea cucumber 100
- Jr. Member 300
- Member 500
- Spammer extraordinaire 1000
- Elder God 1500
- Philosopher 2500
- Desperate Loner 3500
- Sheep Farmer 5000

2.Behavior indication
-Very kind and friendly, gives answers and helps newbies: Weasel
-Kind and friendly, helps people: Cookie giver
-Friendly, flames only occasionally: Romantic
-Flames but with a good cause, not very friendly: Butt Pirate
-Involved in major flame wars, insults people: Moron
-Flames everyone with no reason, really bad: Higher Moron


3. Personal status:
This is more complicated. Everyone has a personal profile everybody else can see, based on the way he/she/it behaves around the board. So, we can use that image to give him the appropriate name.
For example:

- Fouldimersomething: Goatlover
- Gruntboy: Marine Lover, Princess
- Waverly: Flirtbag, Wanker
- Minerva: Wise Owl
- Alexia: Hulk or Mistress
- Ubik: Pervert


copyright Ubik 2001 all rights reserved

[fable]

Re: Re: The newcomer's guide to SYM(as little spam as possible, please)

Originally posted by HighLordDave
I can't speak for the Nematode or the Old Man, but I use a Magic 8 Ball, a Ouija Board and a Scrabble set to put in writing everything the voices tell me.

Old Man. Hmph. I've just gotten a lube and oil change on my bluderbuss--*I'll* show you who's an old man.

As for my knowledge base, I simply employ the I Ching to relay exactly what HLD's scrabble set would say whenever he isn't around. Not only does that work for me, but the scrabble set and I Ching text have kinda hit it off, if you know what I mean. Works well for everybody.

[Vicsun]

This should've been the 1st one

Pre-Spammer’s Guide to the Speak Your Mind Forum
by Brink and Flagg
This is the first part of the guide in which we will try our best to orientate you to this wonderful forum that is Speak Your Mind. Before we delve into the details of what to do and what not to do in here, we would like introduce you to the regulars often found lurking in here. As they say, what would a story be without its cast?

Weasel-The master spammer(with 4000+ posts (editor's note: the good ol' times when bar threads weren't invented post counts were considerably low and the content per post was consideringly high ) .Famed for messing up the forum some time ago. He's know-it-all alter ego named Slyweasel is now no more(rumoured to be dead ).He has some connections with monkeys from out of this world and has the ability to communicate telepathically. This guide is partially dedicated to him. Also known as: Sleasel, Emperor of Spam, Slyweasel

Waverly-The self-appointed doctor of the forum. He specializes in giving painful and destructive advice. Watch out for his purple pills. Famed for flaming others and having 2 personalities. Had his head operated by Minerva quite a while back. Also known to be flirting with every person on this forum that claims to be female.For some reason Waverly is Chrissy's hero.Flamed too many innocents until he was sentenced to a lifetime in his very own Hall of Shame Other names: Wankerly, General Flaming Innocent Bystanders, Waverly Gravey

Flagg-Apparently the moderator of this forum. Although being accused of being female he still holds the title of admiral smillies. whenever something 'funny' is happening, be sure to have him listed as one of the suspects. He nearly got sued for conspirating with Weasel in the deletion of Chrissy's topic.Flagg has admitted to being a vampire.Flagg is also now part of the Roleplaying in Athkathla team. Other names: Flaggina, Admiral Smilies

Ubik-The responsible family man .Has a relationship with one Selmita(sp?) with a son named Melosh-tar. Have a tendency to ‘make a man’ out of people. Was the captain of the Loveboat before it was sunk by marines. (Denyingly) has a sister named Ubika. Other names: Axl Ubik, Generalismo Pervertica

Gruntboy-Makes a lot of perverted posts. Has a fascination for marines and anything to do with the military.Celebrated his 2000th post by running around naked at the Picadilly Circus.Other names:Le Grunt, Rear Admiral of Filth, Mrs. Sleep

Minerva-The wise one. Operated on Waverly and made the discovery of him having 2 personalities. The judge of the court here in the SYM forum. One of the sanest person in here. At times she can be charmed using flowers or Buck Fizzles.The first student of Weasel's Spam Academy

Foul Dwimmerlaik-The guy with exquisite tastes and desires for animals(namely puffins and goats).Owns a petting zoo in this forum itself(if you're interested in wild animals/animals doing wild things ) Self-proclaimed genious. Has a tendency to start weird but intelligent threads.Also founder of the Foul Dwimmerlaik's He-Man Women Haters Club.The person who burnt down Brink's old fence.Saigo's evil twin and a regular at Doc Waverly's Hall of Shame.His relationship with Saigo may be more than just brotherly love

Melosh-tar-The son of Ubik.Lost his jewels in a freak accident . Recently involved in controversial events. Has a fascination for apples . Fond of giving roses to members of both sex.Melosh-tar is currently dead (rumour has it that he was killed by FoulDwimmerlaik). Other names: Meatloaf-tar,Master Chief Melosh McMuffin,Short-Meal

Darkpoet-This is the supposed reincarnation of our long lost friend Melosh-tar(this guy has jewels to boot).Possesses the same habits as Melosh(ie:giving roses,getting flamed).Has too many other names to be listed down

Chrissy- A girl suffering from a shock after her ladies room topic (the original one) was utterly destroyed by an unknown event. She is often referred to as Bubbly by Waverly, and there are some rumors that she actually is a 60 year old bald fat guy. This rumor however doesn't prevent most guys of flirting with her.She is rumoured to posess a deadly stare so I suggest that you don't make her mad.She is also a vampire-slayer who doesn't slay vampires but is instead attracted to them

[Vicsun]

The guide continiues...

T'lainya-Very helpful person. Watch out when she's angry though . If typing out her name is too troublesome,you can just type out T, T',Miss T' or Lainy. She doesn't like to get flamed by newbie smartass members.

Karembeu-Has an obsession for Jaheira and soccer. Favourite soccer player is Christian Karembeu. The person you should talk to if you ever want the latest scores or updates on the wonderful world of soccer.

Saigo-Worships Minerva. Gave some helpful tips on how to romance a girl. Apparently has a very open and enjoyable relationship with his wife. He is a great spammer. The first person to dare flame Weasel when he was still a junior member and live to tell about it.Made a daring move to call everyone idiots except Minerva during his speach at the Academy Awards.Fouldwimmerlaik's good twin

Brink-The person who needs help in romancing girls. Made a folly of taking Waverly's advice one day. He seems to have a strange attraction to being flamed by other members.Your friendly fence-sitter,residential bartender of the Swigging Monkey,and owner of 'The Fence'

Alexia-Made a gutsy move by creating a new ladies room topic. Watch out for her, as she seems to know quite a bit about the people that post at this forum.Famed(or was that notorius) for use flame-and-run tactics occasionally. She is the first lady to send her pic to Flagg .Rumour has it that she is a werewolf so I wouldn't flame her if I were you.This guide was inspired by her and I would like to thank her for it

Mr. Sleep- The almost forgotten master of spam. Although recently this title has been claimed by Weasel. He will always be remembered as the starter of spam, and for the stupidity of asking for an e-mail reply everytime someone posted in his topic. Occasionally becomes mad. Rumour has it that his anus functions like a bag of holding. Was a spammer but now a spam killer. Should you intend to be a spammer, make sure that you stay clear out of his way.Currently having some domestic problems with the Mrs.(recently found bouncing at Gruntboy's place)

Drakron- The ignored one. Seems to know everything that there is to know about D&D. Also seems to be lurking the board at all times.

Carrot- Infrequent visitor of this forum. Generally only tends to spam under the supervision of his big sister Chrissy.

Omar-The mad killer in this board.Chased poor old Brink from his fence once.Can’t seem to get laid by his girlfriend until they get married.The major villain in the upcoming film based on this board. Occasionally goes on a killing spree.

Blacksheep-Archenemy of Flagg and Foul.Aims to rid the world off goats.Omar’s accomplice in the upcoming film based on this board.Has a lot of nicknames given by other members of this board(all of them not too pleasant either)

Aegis-Part of the creative team that brought to you the excellent thread that is the Roleplaying in Athkathla thread.Trying very hard to be a spammer.Usually gets flamed by others for reasons known only to them

KidD01-The supposed Champion of Spam.Been missing for awhile but was recently rediscovered and has now return to his old ways.

Magus-The mastermind behind the Roleplaying in Athkathla thread.He can usually be found typing out long posts in that particular thread

Osiris-The Lord of the Underworld who has returned to action this past few days.He has his own gang which occasionally pops up with him whenever he goes reclaiming some poor, lost soul.He is also a great lawyer that never seems to lose in any of his cases.

Rail-Another member of the team that brought you the Roleplaying in Athkathla thread.Not much is known about him except for the fact that he hates spellcasters

fallout-Currently with the military.A staunch supporter of Fenerbahce.The Barbarian in the Roleplaying in Athkathla thread.He is also a proud and dedicated member of ASUAFWAHAWAM

Alison Entreri-Claims to have a better life than all of the other forum members.Pops in once in awhile

Xandax-Has given enough information about himself and has given up hope on the(now long abandoned) quiz.Frequents the Swigging Monkey

Vehemence- The person who will try to win a discussion by smooth words instead of content.An egotistic sissy.Needed help with bartending when there wasn't many people around in the pub at the time.Claims to be like thunder:lots of noise but no substance.Other claims include being a legend( ),a master in TKD(surprisingly oblivious to his surroundings) and a poet

The_Pope-Wannabe spammer who has many of his threads closed.He is very proud of this fact ( ) and is trying very hard to be another Baasie.Recently founded the Brotherhood of the Woods in the BG2 forum.

TheDeacon-New moderator on the block.Suspected to be just another personality of Flagg(or at least,he has the potential to be another Flagg )

The Killermachine-Made a bold move by creating a spamming contest in this forum.Frequently spams up his own topic when he has nothing better to do.Has a very similar spamming style to Blacksheep.A supposedly mighty member of the Council of Mages in the Bg2 forum

[Vicsun]

This is for all the new female members(existing ones are welcome to read it as well ).If you're a male member,go ahead and read it as well.

New female member's first post:

Hello all

Male members' thoughts:

Flagg-Let me impress her with my cool moderator powers

Vehemence-Should I write a poem to impress her, or should I show off my Taekwando skills again?

Darkpoet-Must send flowers to her everytime I see her

Gruntboy-*thoughts removed as this is a public forum *

Waverly-Flame her,make her my patient,give her some purple pills and then make my move

Aegis-Will she flame me?

Karembeu-I love Jaheira.She's not Jaheira

Mr. Sleep-Why did Mrs. Sleep go with that loser Gruntboy...

Xandax-Please don't make this a bad day for me

fallout-I should say hello

Blacksheep-I hate Flagg,I hate Flagg

The_Pope-When will I ever be a moderator with all my closed threads?

The Killermachine-Let me spam in my own threads

Ubik-Where's Selmita and my Jack Daniels?

Brink-I pity the new victim of the others

Saigo-You are all idiots,none can beat my Minerva

Foul-Where's Yvonne and the goats/puffins?

KidD01-More spam,more spam

Weasel-Where's the monkey?Is this new member a monkey?

TheDeacon-I want to be Flagg,I want to be Flagg....

Drakron-Let me overwhelm her with my vast knowledge of AD&D

(I only went to page 6 of the guide... I felt guildy after so many posts in a row (and felt too lazy to post the rest) and deceided just to give all new members a link instead. Should be noted that the guide is quite old and only covers the ancient period )

[C Elegans]

I actually think a lot of the old stuff from the old guide should be revised, since it concerns conditions as they were 1.5 years ago, several of the then-profiles don't post anymore so half of the list concerns names that are irrelevant to the newcomer. We should make new lists intead!

@Vicsun: Don't you think it would be a good idea to edit out those members who don't post or have been banned?

posted by HLD
I can't speak for the Nematode or the Old Man, but I use a Magic 8 Ball, a Ouija Board and a Scrabble set to put in writing everything the voices tell me.

posted by Fable
As for my knowledge base, I simply employ the I Ching to relay exactly what HLD's scrabble set would say whenever he isn't around. Not only does that work for me, but the scrabble set and I Ching text have kinda hit it off, if you know what I mean. Works well for everybody.

You two are mere fakes, the Voices speak to me in clear text without my having to use a lot of hocus-pocus apparatus!

[fable]

Fable's Rule #1 for Forum Involvement:

Remember, we're all going to be here living in the same sandbox for a pretty short time, and each of us has life experiences that have led to the development of unique views. It's a lot of fun to grow by offering your views and hearing those of others. We also develop friendships along the way that help when things we don't understand but don't like happen to those we care about.

If none of the above interests you and you're just into trolling because it lets you get back at mommy, daddy and your teachers, then please tell us where you live, and we'll come over and beat you senseless with a rubber chicken.

[HighLordDave]

Originally posted by C Elegans
You two are mere fakes, the Voices speak to me in clear text without my having to use a lot of hocus-pocus apparatus!

You and I must hear the exact same voices because I can't get past the Scandanavian accent without my Ouija Board.

[Vicsun]

Originally posted by fable

...and we'll come over and beat you senseless with a rubber chicken.

Well it could've been a lot worse I suppose. It could've always been a living fish

by CE:
@Vicsun: Don't you think it would be a good idea to edit out those members who don't post or have been banned?

I think it would be a good lession of some of the ancient people who visited here.. Let the newcommers be enlighted as well

[fable]

Originally posted by HighLordDave


You and I must hear the exact same voices because I can't get past the Scandanavian accent without my Ouija Board.

Perhaps it's channeling the Muppets' Swedish Chef. Does it spell out "bork" frequently?

[HighLordDave]

Originally posted by fable
Perhaps it's channeling the Muppets' Swedish Chef. Does it spell out "bork" frequently?

It did for a little while, but that was on my old Ouija Board. I got a new one with the Ø on it and the problem seemed to have stopped. Then one day, it spelled out "Vhat der hell arey yoo døng? I'm gøng on vacashoon next veek. If yoo døn't stopy contacteng me, I'm gøng to kook yoor ass! Try calleng Miss Cleo!"

No Ouija Board has ever threated me before, and I've been too frightened to try it again, so I'm sticking with the Scrabble set and the Magic 8 Ball for now.

[KidD01]

Originally posted by Vicsun
<SNIP>KidD01-More spam,more spam<SNIP>

I think it's time to change this, due certain evolution happen these days

[Bloodstalker]

So how is gonna write the new member list? Whoever it is, has a big pair of shoes to fill.

[Vicsun]

Originally posted by KidD01


I think it's time to change this, due certain evolution happen these days

Will "More COMM,more COMM" suffice?

[KidD01]

@Vicsun : Perhaps, if they offer me enough though

[Vicsun]

Originally posted by KidD01
@Vicsun : Perhaps, if they offer me enough though

How about double your current salary, two weeks payed holyday, a company COMMic car, full free access to all taco bells all around the country for a year (so you can give it out to people ), and promotion to (something) after 2 months. Not to mention having lots of fun

[KidD01]

They can access e-Bay for the auction