Childrens books...

thantor3 · Post by **thantor3** » Thu Jul 18, 2002 7:33 am

Sorry... I had to post this. Please feel free to add to the list.

CHILDREN'S BOOKS THAT DIDN'T MAKE IT

1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Food
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go to Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly.
12. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
19. You Were an Accident
20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
24. Where Would You Like Your Dolly to Be Buried?
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

McBane · Post by **McBane** » Thu Jul 18, 2002 7:37 am

Pop goes the Hamster....LOL

The Z · Post by **The Z** » Thu Jul 18, 2002 7:38 am

*Chuckle*...Can't think of any that are actually funny...

HighLordDave · Post by **HighLordDave** » Thu Jul 18, 2002 7:47 am

Why Does It Burn When I Pee?
Sara Has Two Daddies
The 2002 Directory of Kids in China Who Died Because You Didn't Eat Your Asparagus
You're Going To Pick Mommy and Daddy's Nursing Home
The Truth About Scooby-Doo! (Velma's a lesbian, Daphne and Fred are Swingers and Shaggy's a pothead)
How to Blame Things On Your Little Brother
Bedwetters are Freaks
Bert and Ernie Have an Alternative Lifestyle

The Z · Post by **The Z** » Thu Jul 18, 2002 7:49 am

Barney ate the Teletubbies
Barney Learns to Swim
The Bernstein Bears Tick off the Polar Bears
Free Willy's Revenge

RandomThug · Post by **RandomThug** » Thu Jul 18, 2002 8:03 am

Daddy? Daddy?

Daddy drinks because you cry... oh lord thats good stuff.

thug

Obsidian · Post by **Obsidian** » Thu Jul 18, 2002 10:02 am

haha, oh man, those shouldn't be funny.. but they are!

Hmm, I can think of some, but I bawk at their offensiveness. So I won't put them.

humanflyz · Post by **humanflyz** » Thu Jul 18, 2002 2:03 pm

1) The Children Who Ate Brocolli And Died
2) Barney The Purple Dinosaur: An E! True Hollywood Story
3) How To Be A Bully: The Beginner's Guide

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Thu Jul 18, 2002 2:19 pm

LMAO

some of the Barney references in here remind me of something my partner and I sadistically told our small son when he was small

We told him that the reason he could not watch Barney was because Barney was in jail serving time after having crashed a schoolyard picnic.

Probably mean...but we just could not tolerate that programme....

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Thu Jul 18, 2002 3:09 pm

ROFL

Absolutely horrible!

And hillarious!

Dottie · Post by **Dottie** » Thu Jul 18, 2002 3:18 pm

Originally posted by thantor3

16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy

I actually had a book when I was a kid wich was called Ida Per and Minimum or something like that. It wasnt a Pop-Up, but it was a childs book with big illustrative pictures of everything from Ida and Per haveing sex to the birth of Minimum. My parents read it for me a few times. Rather amusing when I think of it nowdays.

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Thu Jul 18, 2002 3:32 pm

@Dottie: It's so Swedish, don't you think, a children's book with educative illustrations explaining what sex is and how children are made. I remember one such book myself, I don't think it was the same (I seem to recall the title was something different but I can't remember what). It started out with a couple having sex, with cross-section illustrations, and explaining very pedagocial why sex is good, why it feels good etc. Then, like in your book, the reader followed the pregnancy and it they had a child.

That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption

One of my friends once lost patience totally with her kids and shouted: "I'm going to sell you to a pedophile!"

Not so funny when it happend perhaps, but very funny in retrospect - believe me, her kids didn't take it as bad as one might believe

Dottie · Post by **Dottie** » Thu Jul 18, 2002 3:41 pm

Indeed it is. I think it may be rather specific for that time as well, I can imagine such books are less common today.

I think children can have a rather large amount of patiance with thier parents in some situations. As a kid I never succeded being very angry at them for more than a few hours even though I specifically told myself to never forget the grave injustices they've done to me.

Im not sure how it could be with abusive parents or such though...

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Fri Jul 19, 2002 4:30 am

Originally posted by Dottie
Indeed it is. I think it may be rather specific for that time as well, I can imagine such books are less common today.

I think so, this educational style were probably typical for the 1970's, when education was viewed as the saviour of the world, anything bad would go away with education...unfortunately this is not the case, even if information goes a long way it is not the only thing needed...Except for those sexual education books we have mentioned, I also remember other books similar to the ones on Thantor's list...stuff like "Rebecca has two daddies" or "When Grandpa got cancer" would be representative examples.

fable · Post by **fable** » Fri Jul 19, 2002 4:37 am

Originally posted by Dottie
Indeed it is. I think it may be rather specific for that time as well, I can imagine such books are less common today.

I think children can have a rather large amount of patiance with thier parents in some situations. As a kid I never succeded being very angry at them for more than a few hours even though I specifically told myself to never forget the grave injustices they've done to me. Im not sure how it could be with abusive parents or such though...

It's much harder to forgive--but let's not go there, at least, not in this thread.

When my parents decided to tell me about sex, they simply gave me a book opened to a specific chapter, and told me to read it. The whole thing disgusted me, because it was presented with a clinical detachment you'd expect to find in a text on bovine stud farming.

It took me years to figure out that the genuine love, affection and respect they felt for each other and displayed before us was a more appropriate guide to at least a portion of sexual behavior. Books simply aren't a substitute in such matters for human dialog.

Kayless · Post by **Kayless** » Fri Jul 19, 2002 4:51 am

Ah, good times.

Originally posted by thantor3
22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan

Hmmm, I think this was required reading at my Sunday School.

Oh, and you left one out: "Nobody Poops But You, Freak."

Dottie · Post by **Dottie** » Fri Jul 19, 2002 5:01 am

Originally posted by fable
Books simply aren't a substitute in such matters for human dialog.

I think those books can be used rather successfully to induce dialog, atleast thats what happened in my case.

Though I think showing signs of affection had rather high priority in that book as well.

It may of course seem easy for parents to avoid having a (in their opinnion) embarrassing conversation by giving their kid a book. If that is the case I guess the book have worked against its purpose...

fable · Post by **fable** » Fri Jul 19, 2002 5:11 am

Originally posted by Dottie
It may of course seem easy for parents to avoid having a (in their opinnion) embarrassing conversation by giving their kid a book. If that is the case I guess the book have worked against its purpose...

The avoidance of the issue my father showed and the superior smirk my mother showed when I expressed disgust at the whole procedure (as read) didn't help matters. There is simply no substitute for honest, human-to-human dialog at such key points in life. But then, my father's solution to problems was to avoid them, while my mother's was to slap, scream and hurl abuse at them. Typically, these are not very effective methods of dealing with anything larger than a child.

And there is some doubt whether they are all that effective when used on children, as well.

The Z · Post by **The Z** » Fri Jul 19, 2002 5:54 am

I guess that's why they made Sex-ed. a mandatory course at school

Nightmare · Post by **Nightmare** » Fri Jul 19, 2002 7:23 am

Originally posted by The Z
I guess that's why they made Sex-ed. a mandatory course at school

Although, these days, everyone knows everything before you actually take the class.