The Secret Order of People in Happy Relationships

fable · Post by **fable** » Mon Feb 18, 2002 12:32 pm

I was just looking at the thread of bitter single people for a bit. Now, don't get me wrong: I think it's great that there is a place where people can discuss their love life problems, and help reinforce one another's misery.

But it also got me to feeling pretty miserable--as though I'm the only person in the world left who's in a loving, close relationship with someone else.

So am I alone? Or are others happily involved?

Minerva · Post by **Minerva** » Mon Feb 18, 2002 12:39 pm

@fable: Ask Saigo. He once posted how he met his wife and that's really lovely.

Vivien · Post by **Vivien** » Mon Feb 18, 2002 12:43 pm

Fable,
Well I started my happy and fuzzy valentines thread because I'm recently engaged

So, yes happy here

But, we've only known each other for a year, I suppose we have time to learn to make each other miserable

KidD01 · Post by **KidD01** » Mon Feb 18, 2002 12:51 pm

Originally posted by Minerva
@fable: Ask Saigo. He once posted how he met his wife and that's really lovely.

BTW whwre's Saighost ? He's been out for a while

HighLordDave · Post by **HighLordDave** » Mon Feb 18, 2002 12:53 pm

In May, my wife and I will have been married for four years; together for six. We're in the middle of our largest crisis yet: she is remodeling the living room (I didn't think there was anything wrong with it in the first place) and doesn't seem to understand that when I say "I don't care", I really don't care. Other than that, I have no complaints about our relationship.

Der-draigen · Post by **Der-draigen** » Mon Feb 18, 2002 12:56 pm

@Fable -- What it comes down to is this. Some people in this world are meant to have a partner. To be happy sharing their life with another, with a kindred spirit. Some are meant to find this.

Others are not. Some are destined to be alone.

That's just life, that's the way things are. Not everyone can find such a relationship as you describe, and not everyone does. It's so rare, so incredibly painfully brutally rare, that it's practically never found. Or when it is found, it often goes wrong somehow, beyond the control of the people involved.

Personally, and in all honesty with trademark bitterness aside

-- I don't know which way my own life is going to go. But I do know there are an awful lot of bright, fun, kind, loving people out there who are totally alone; or who have been so beaten by nightmarish relationships that they simply can't bring themselves to try anymore.

It's all about luck and timing and whether you're too damn shy to approach people -- and whether the universe says you can have it.

Now I've said too much at all so I'm shutting up

Leonardo · Post by **Leonardo** » Mon Feb 18, 2002 1:07 pm

I´m about to reach the five year milestone on a crisis-less relationship (only about 4 major bickerings, bitterness never survived the other day) with a girl 4 years older that I met on my first day at college. I usually say that she "tamed" me (I was a bit Casanova before I met her)
I know I´m part of a minority

HighLordDave · Post by **HighLordDave** » Mon Feb 18, 2002 1:16 pm

I think a lot of people have unrealistic expectations of how a partnership or marriage should be and others just can't stand to be happy. A lot of it depends on the type of environment in which someone grows up. If your parents have a long-term, loving relationship, chances are that you will as well. If you grow up in an abusive household, the chance that either you will be an abuser or that you will tolerate a spouse/partner who is abusive goes up exponentially. With the divorce rate hovering somewhere around 55-60%, it should not be surprising to any of us that people have a hard time forming and maintaining healthy, lifetime partnerships.

Der-draigen · Post by **Der-draigen** » Mon Feb 18, 2002 1:20 pm

Originally posted by HighLordDave
If your parents have a long-term, loving relationship, chances are that you will as well.

Provided you can actually meet someone

But I know what you mean and I agree.

HighLordDave · Post by **HighLordDave** » Mon Feb 18, 2002 1:30 pm

In The Bridge Across Forever, Richard Bach says that not only does everyone have a soulmate in this life, but that the lives of the two intertwine through all time (hence the bridge across forever) and that they are meant to find each other over and over.

While I don't quite believe in the notion of a soulmate, I believe that when the stars are aligned correctly, and two people are in the same place, at the same time, and moving in the same direction, they will fall in love. As you say, the problem is finding that someone who ignites that spark of magic in the both of you; don't worry, though, they're out there. The trick is not taking yourself out of the game because you got burned by the spark in the past.

KidD01 · Post by **KidD01** » Mon Feb 18, 2002 1:37 pm

Originally posted by Leonardo
<SNIP>I usually say that she "tamed" me (I was a bit Casanova before I met her)I know I´m part of a minority

I've been on several relations but not serious ones. And till this day no one can tame my lonewolf trait

Der-draigen · Post by **Der-draigen** » Mon Feb 18, 2002 1:40 pm

Yeah, well, like I said -- I've seen an awful lot of lonely people out there; they may very well ahve a soulmate but what's the point if they never find them?.....

Being "burned" is one thing; there are far, far worse things than just "being burned," having someone leave you or not be interested, or whatever.......

KidD01 · Post by **KidD01** » Mon Feb 18, 2002 1:48 pm

Being "burned" is one thing; there are far, far worse things than just "being burned," having someone leave you or not be interested, or whatever.......

@DD : It's understandable that 2 persons relationship can cause emotional scars. Sometimes if worse than that

IMO The way to get new one is leave it all behind and never look back. It's really hard - I know that - that's why you gotta learn emotional control on certain things

HighLordDave · Post by **HighLordDave** » Mon Feb 18, 2002 1:54 pm

The Slippery Glass Hill (author unknown)

Life itself is very much like climbing a slippery glass hill. We climb and we slip. We climb a little more, then slip again. We all slip!

Everyone has unhappiness, sorrow, dispair and frustration. But the measure of a person; the measure of you, is what do you do when you slip? Do you lie there and whine, and slide backwards into nervous breakdown? Or do you pick yourself up and climb a little higher on the hill?

The choice is yours.

Der-draigen · Post by **Der-draigen** » Mon Feb 18, 2002 1:59 pm

Some people can't avoid having a nervous breakdown. It's an involuntary reaction; you don't "decide" to have a nervous breakdown. That's why it's called a breakdown and sometimes requires hospitalization.

Just thought I'd clear that up

Alienbob · Post by **Alienbob** » Mon Feb 18, 2002 9:18 pm

sometimes you slip/slide faster than you can climb. whats the point of climbing if you are just going to slip again, and again and so on. for a while you may keep on climbing out of sheer stubborness but sooner or later its going the constant slipping is going to wear you down. you can not judge someone by how far up the glass hill they are or how long they keep climbing because no ones hill is the same. some people's may be steeper than others.

HighLordDave · Post by **HighLordDave** » Mon Feb 18, 2002 9:24 pm

You're absolutely right. But sometimes love isn't about getting to the top of the hill, it's that you keep trying.

fable · Post by **fable** » Mon Feb 18, 2002 11:48 pm

@Alienbob, you are allowed time out before you try to climb that hill again, though. And remember, there are quite a few people here who will root for you all the way, should you start trying, again.

Maharlika · Post by **Maharlika** » Tue Feb 19, 2002 9:13 am

It's not getting into the top, it's how you eventually got there.

Originally posted by Alienbob
sometimes you slip/slide faster than you can climb. whats the point of climbing if you are just going to slip again, and again and so on. for a while you may keep on climbing out of sheer stubborness but sooner or later its going the constant slipping is going to wear you down. you can not judge someone by how far up the glass hill they are or how long they keep climbing because no ones hill is the same. some people's may be steeper than others.

First of all, I sure am glad The Fabster came up with this thread. fable, you're not alone (and I know that deep inside you KNOW you're really not alone

)

A-bob, what you just stated is what life is really all about, but IMO, having to go through it with a significant other makes it more meaningful.

It's not the destination. It's the journey together that means a lot.

Next month would be the 7th year that I and my significant other have been having a relationship. 2 years are of married life (and counting...). It started waaay back in college, and yes, I finally got her to accept me as a boyfriend on March 18, 1995 after two painstaking months of courtship (Ive been helping her with her thesis... hehehehehe...) we celebrate every month.

Right now I'm preparing A LOT of stuff for the coming of my wife and son who will be living with me in Bangkok. This explains my semi-lurker mode these past few days. My wife will be giving up her career (or at least put it on hold) as she would be resigning from her work just to be with me. We realized that it is important for us to be together especially since we are realtively new when it comes to married life. Me coming back home to the Phils every 4-6 months makes me feel like a "transient-husband/father" since I do not stay long as I get back to work in another country. This kind of setup isn't healthy for our realtionship as spouses.

Someday when things are finally settled, I'll be sending my wife back to school to finish her lawschool. Don't care how much it would cost me. If not for her sacrifice I might not be taking my masters this year then getting much moolah after I finish the course.

I've been through a lot when it comes to failed relationships as well as rejections...

...but I'm sure am glad they all happened, otherwise I wouldn't have her for my wife right now.

Hey, Kathrina, if you get to read this, this hubby of yours loves you so much!

Nippy · Post by **Nippy** » Tue Feb 19, 2002 10:16 am

Re: It's not getting into the top, it's how you eventually got there.

Originally posted by Maharlika
Hey, Kathrina, if you get to read this, this hubby of yours loves you so much!

Now this is love...

To be honest, at 16, I don't have many relationships. My opinion is that love is experimentation. You can only find the one you love through finding her/him. We don't know if we will or won't, love is like that...