Things I've learnt from Oblivion

[Loki[D.d.G]]

After playing this game over the past 3 years, I have come up with a small list of things that i managed to glean from playing it. Seriousness not guaranteed.

1) Beware nooks, crannies and corners. This is mainly due to the evil clipping issues i have encountered en masse in the game. When forced into tight corners for easier 1v1 combat, enemies can sometimes fall through unseen "holes" and vanish from sight. I have lost count of the number of swords/shield/bows that have eluded my grasp because of this.

2) Crabs walk in straight lines. They can charge at you head on! It seems the crabs of Tamriel have a unique anatomy previously unseen by man.

3) If at first you don't succeed... Use the console. I mean c'mon. How many of us seasoned Oblivion, or the Elder Scrolls series players haven't resorted to the tilde key?

4) Guards have ESP. They can summon colleagues with a thought and seem to be able to sense crimes from miles away. Too bad that ESP ability doesn't translate into smart fighters. They are only too happy to supplicate themselves to the player's slaughtering blade.

5) It is possible to fail to pick up a leaf. "You find nothing of use"

6) A horse is a man's best friend. What will we do without them? They defend you with their lives, if possible, speed up travel to unexplored locations, and in the case of Shadowmere, makes for an excellent pack mule.
Warning: Violence cannot be avoided if that statement is to hold true. Player discretion is advised.

7) Respect the zombies. They are much hardier than your average bandit or marauder. Beware the diseases. And they don't always need a full set of appendages to kick your butt.

8) Glass is unbreakable. Be it glass hammers, glass armor, or glass windows. All seem to be magically tempered to withstand the strongest of blows.

9) Small talk is interesting.
"Have you heard word about the other provinces?"
"Nothing I'd like to talk about"
"Goodbye"
"Good day" *Walks off into the night*

10) Rats can join guilds. Killing Schemer, the Dark Botherhood pet rat, counts as a guild murder, and gets you expelled in a jiffy. And gets you a date with the charming Will of Sithis.

To be continued... if my brain allows it. Feel free to add any ideas or leave comments.

[Loki[D.d.G]]

11) Look ma, no hands! Apparently, picking up various items and waving them around is done with the help of telekinesis. Too bad, you can't utilize the same skill when waving a sword and shield around.

12) Santa Claus is real. And he makes his rounds every three days. Restocking containers and trading with shopkeepers are his specialties. Also good at distributing bandits, undead, vampires and creatures of all sorts to various spots in Tamriel.

13) Guards are a dedicated lot. Stealing an entire barracks worth of armor and other guard-ish apparel does not deter them from doing their jobs. They are more than happy to man the gates and do their rounds in their jammies.

14) Trolls have emotions too. They get upset and depressed if you don't find them threatening and scary, in which case, they usually attempt suicide by drowning. Writing suicide notes is another specialty.

15) In the Oblivion plane, the flora is as dangerous as the fauna. Some of them will take offense to your presence and react with sharp smacks to the head and rear-end. It seems they don't like you ripping off some of their parts for alchemy ingredients.

16) Only one person in Tamriel can jump. Luckily, that person is you. Which means that bunny hop victory dances around fallen foes is possible, thankfully. And if you are the one slain, rest assured your enemies won't be doing the same to you.

17) Goblins practice idolatry. They love and worship their knobbly magic sticks. Anyone who tries to get between a goblin and his magic stick beware. They are not above trekking the entire length and breadth of Tamriel to get back their magic stick.

18) Will-o'-wisps are murderous psychopaths. Avoid them at all costs! Floating balls of light are more detrimental to your health than entire forts full of marauders.

19) Never race a liar. Maiq the Lair will beat you in a foot race any day. Even your horse cant keep up with a Khajiit running from the truth.

20) In Sheogorath, I trust. Who else will ask you to lure rats with stinky cheese, punch sheep into oblivion and make it rain flaming dogs? And he rewards you with an equally delightful item. The Wabbajack which does; "Wabbajack for 10 seconds". Of course it does, what else would you expect an item called Wabbajack to do?

To be continued...

[Fljotsdale]

I enjoyed reading that - and how true it all is! :laugh: