Here they go...

[Aegis]

Q. What should you do if a pretty girl sits on your hand?

A. Try to get her off

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A Policeman cruising past a bar after closing time notices two motorcycles parked out front. He goes around back to find two bikers, one with his finger up the others ass.
"Whats going on here?" the cop asks
One biker replies, "My buddy here has had too much to drink, and I'm trying to make him vomit."
The cop says, "I think you should be sticking you finger down his throat!"
"Be patient..."

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A gut walks into a bar, and orders two double vodkas.
The bartender says, "Wow! You must've had one hell of a day!"
"Yep, just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day, the same guy comes into the bar, and orders another pair of doubl;e vodkas. "I just found out my younger brother is gay..." he explains
On the third day, the guy enters the bar and orders another two double vodkas. The bartender asks, "Jesus! Is there anyone in your family thats likes women?!"
"Yeah, my wife..."

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Q. How do hillbillies celebrate Halloween?

A. Pump Kin

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Thats all for now... I'll be back later with some more...

[Aegis]

No? Well here's some more...

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A man goes to his doctor about a nagging migraine.
"Whenever I have a migriane," The doctor says, "I'll go home, soak in a hot bath. Then I take wife into the bedroom and have sex. Almost immediatly, the headache is gone. Try it and come back in six weeks."
Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin.
"It worked!" he exclaims. "I can't thank you enough!"
"Glad to help." says the doctor
"By the way," The patient adds, "You have a very nice house"

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Q. How do cancel an appointment with a sperm bank?

A. Just tell them you can't come.

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A doctor tells a patient that he only has six months left to live.
"Oh my God," gasps the guy. "What should I do?"
"Well," says the doc, "Make the most of your time. You might even think about taking a wife. You'll need someone to look after you."
"That sounds like good advice"
"And I strongly recommend marrying a jewish girl," The doctor adds.
The man looks puzzled. "How come?"
"It'll seem longer"

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Jenny finds out that her elderly grandfather just passed away, so she asks her grandmother how he died. The grandmother explains, "He had a heart attack during sex on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Jenny suggests having sex at the age of 94 was asking for troube.
"Oh no," her grandmother replies. "We always had sex every Sunday morning in time with the church bells-in with the dings, out with the dongs."
Then she wipes away a tear. "If it wasn't for that damn ice cream truck.."

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Q. What do you call a woman in Las Vegas with A-cups?

A. Handicapped

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A man walks into a bar and asks for a cold beer.
"Certainly. That'll be be one cent."
"One penny!" exclaims the guy "How much for a nice juicy T-bone steak?\ with fries, peas, and a salad?"
"Let's see," replies the bartender, "Thats comes to... four cents"
"Only four cents!" says the guy. "Wheres the finacial genius who owns this place?"
"Upstairs doing to my wife what I'm doing to his buisness."

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More to come...

[Craig]

Eww

[Aegis]

Eww to what Craig?

[Aegis]

What? You Want MORE!

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Q. Whats the best form of Birth control for those over 50?

A. Nudity

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Q. Did you hear about the Flasher who was thinking of retiring?

A. He decided to stick it one more year!

---------------------

Two Cajun fishermen, Brock and Charley, take off fishing in the Gulf of Mexico for a couple of months.
Upon their return, they notice a Taco Bell has been built near the docks.
Brock turns to Charley and says, "Well look at that! Them Mexicans already done come over here and built a telephone company!"

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Q. How come Barbie never once got knocked up?

A. Ken came in a different boc

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Rwo boys are walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong sermon about the devil.
One says, "What do you think about all that Satan stuff?"
The other boy replies, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just my dad."

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David Copperfield is doing his Vegas show and asks if anyone in the aduience would like to show him a trick.
"I will," yells a guy, "But I need your gorgeuos assistant and a table!"
David agrees, and the guy walks up on stage, bends the hottie over the table, pulls her pants down, and starts humping her from behind.
Copperfield screams, "Hey, that isn't a trick!"
The guys, "I know. It's F*cking magic!"

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More to come...

[Nightmare]

ROTFLMGDAO