Enginers

Craig · Post by **Craig** » Tue Jun 19, 2001 1:24 pm

Enginers
A structural engineer, an electrical engineer, and a civil engineer were arguing about the nature of God, the Great Engineer. The topic wrapped around to what kind of engineer He must be, and each had their own opinion.

"Look at the human body," said the mechanical engineer. "The great strength and load bearing capacity of the skeleton, the strength and balance of the muscles. It's obvious to me the He is a structural engineer."

"Ah," replies the electrical engineer, "but even more amazing is the nervous system that controls it. An incredibly complex wiring system, build on capacitors that we cannot duplicate in speed of response even today, and controlled by a two part spinal cord/brain, arguably the greatest computer design in existence. He must be an electrical engineer."

"You're both wrong," says the civil engineer. "He is without doubt a civil engineer."

"And how do you come to *that* conclusion?" replied the other two incredulously?

The civil engineer looks at both at just below waist level and says "Who else would think it a good idea to build a waste disposal route through a recreational area?"

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Understanding Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,
"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a
beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground,
took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer
nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in,
"I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! " The pastor said, "Hey,
here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause]
"Hi George, say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow,
aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last
year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I
think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Four
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all
things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he
happily retired.
Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly
impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion
dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the
machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired
engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying
the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a
particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem
is". The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.
The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his
service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The
engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark $1
Knowing where to put it $49,999
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

Understanding Engineers - Take Five
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers - Take Six
"Normal people ... believe that if it isn't broke, don't fix it."
Engineers believe that if it isn't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet."

Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it
was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the
passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to
the lab and get some work done."

Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it
to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything
you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool"

Craig · Post by **Craig** » Thu Jun 21, 2001 1:59 pm

No one like it?

fable · Post by **fable** » Thu Jun 21, 2001 2:01 pm

@Craig, no offense, but haven't you got anything better to do than spend all day on these forums? You're young, you've got your whole life ahead of you; you've mountains to climb, worlds to conquer, English to learn. When you get as old and senile as us old farts, you can writhe rheumatically over these posts.

Craig · Post by **Craig** » Thu Jun 21, 2001 2:06 pm

No i go on battle net a lot

fable · Post by **fable** » Thu Jun 21, 2001 2:09 pm

I think you're missing the point, but I know if I argue it long enough with you I'll lose track of it, as well. Carry on, if that's what you want.

Weasel · Post by **Weasel** » Thu Jun 21, 2001 4:15 pm

Originally posted by fable:
@Craig, no offense, but haven't you got anything better to do than spend all day on these forums? You're young, you've got your whole life ahead of you; you've mountains to climb, worlds to conquer, English to learn. When you get as old and senile as us old farts, you can writhe rheumatically over these posts.

Originally posted by fable:
I think you're missing the point, but I know if I argue it long enough with you I'll lose track of it, as well. Carry on, if that's what you want.

Craig · Post by **Craig** » Fri Jun 22, 2001 11:00 am

No laughs for my engineirs?

Weasel · Post by **Weasel** » Fri Jun 22, 2001 11:08 am

Originally posted by craig:
No laughs for my engineirs?

Here you go......

KidD01 · Post by **KidD01** » Fri Jun 22, 2001 11:12 am

craig, It's a good one

too bad I missed this one the forst time it posted

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Sun Jun 24, 2001 12:42 pm

LOL Craig

Reminds me of some people I know...and myself.

PS Don't forget to climb mountains and learn English spelling also.