Disclaimer: If you are not of mature age, then you probably shouldn't read any further.
I also apologise if anyone finds this offensive. I'm probably crossing the forum rules line here, but I thought this was too funny not to share with you all.
Ok... on to the questions...
1. In the company of feminists, coitus should be referred to as:
a) Lovemaking
b) Screwing
c) The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
a) Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
b) Your blood-test results
c) Five tequila slammers
3. You time your orgasm so that:
a) Your partner climaxes first
b) You both climax simultaneously
c) You don't miss SportsCenter
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
a) Healthy, creative love-play
b) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to
c) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
a) The best part of the experience
b) The second best part of the experience
c) $100 extra
6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in weight in the last month. You tell her that it is:
a) No concern of yours
b) Not a problem - she can join your gym
c) A conservative estimate
7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
a) A myth
b) An oxymoron
c) A moron
8. Foreplay is to sex as:
a) Appetiser is to entree
b) Priming is to painting
c) A queue is to an amusement park ride
9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
a) "I hope we can still be friends."
b) "I'm not in right now. Please leave a message after the tone...."
c) "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You."
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
a) Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy
b) Is uptight and a waste of time
c) Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place
If you answered 'A' more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man.
If you answered 'B' more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're still a little confused.
If you answered 'C' more than 7 times, call me up. Let's go drinking.
Quiz: Are You a Real Man?
Quiz: Are You a Real Man?
Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
You can find me at the Silver Monkey Inn most nightsOriginally posted by Garcia:
<STRONG>When are we going out to drink??
As well as all the other drunkards that hang out there too! Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
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Heh. One of the best send-ups of male attitudes I've ever seen was in the third Monkey Island game. A pirate with a rich, lilting brogue explained how he'd been in a crew that found a magnificent buried treasure, but that none of 'em were willing to bend their knees to pick it up and haul it away, because Real Men Don't Bend Their Knees. As a result, they all ended up in traction with slipped disks, while some skulking little swine who didn't care what people thought of his masculinity came in and carefully hauled it away.
Okay, so maybe you had to be there.
Incidentally, the pirate's voice was supplied by Alan Young, best known for his role in the horrible tv series Mr. Ed, but also a superb comic and actor.
One of the best send-ups of male attitudes I've ever seen was in the third Monkey Island game. A pirate with a rich, lilting brogue explained how he'd been in a crew that found a magnificent buried treasure, but that none of 'em were willing to bend their knees to pick it up and haul it away, because Real Men Don't Bend Their Knees. As a result, they all ended up in traction with slipped disks, while some skulking little swine who didn't care what people thought of his masculinity came in and carefully hauled it away. Okay, so maybe you had to be there.
Incidentally, the pirate's voice was supplied by Alan Young, best known for his role in the horrible tv series Mr. Ed, but also a superb comic and actor.
To the Righteous belong the fruits of violent victory. The rest of us will have to settle for warm friends, warm lovers, and a wink from a quietly supportive universe.