" Have you ever heard of 'Hair Club for Men' "
"I believe you were raised by a monkey the way you keep grapping me"
"I can see your proud of your butte crack, but do you mind pulling your pants up"
[ 06-28-2001: Message edited by: Weasel ]
[ 06-28-2001: Message edited by: Weasel ]
Dating tips for Ladies
Dating tips for Ladies
"Vile and evil, yes. But, That's Weasel" From BS's book, MD 20/20: Fine Wines of Rocky Flop.
Never start a conversation with:
"One time, at band camp"
"Excuse me a minute, it's time for my medication"
"I knew it was cold outside, but not that cold"
"One time, at band camp"
"Excuse me a minute, it's time for my medication"
"I knew it was cold outside, but not that cold"
Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
-
KidD01
- Posts: 5699
- Joined: Thu Oct 19, 2000 10:00 pm
- Location: In the bunker underneath your house
- Contact:
Well ladies at least these will help you all a lot !
15 Ways To Drive A Man Crazy
1. Take the batteries out of all the remotes in the house. (Hide them well.)
2. Organize his workshop, bedroom, or other special place.
3. Bribe his faithful dog away from him with a steady diet of its favorite treats
4. Shrink his underwear in the dryer and when he complains, innocently suggest that he's gained a few pounds.
5. Stare at his forehead and when he notices, casually ask if there is any history of male pattern baldness on his mother's side.
6. "Accidentally" fill the gas tank of his new Porsche with diesel.
7. Repeatedly misplace the cordless phone, preferably in a different room each time.
8. Repeatedly lose his cellular phone in restaurants around town.
9. Loan his precious cellular phone to a pregnant girlfriend who "needs it more than he does."
10. Insist upon a lot of "meaningful conversations."
11. If you live together, have your mother fly in for a month-long visit unannounced.
12. Reverse his contact lenses in their case.
13. Snip a small hole in his fishing waders, then follow him with a camera to capture his "sinking" on film.
14. Super glue the pages of his Little Black Book together.
15. Give the secret stash of dirty magazines that he thinks you don't know about to his younger brother, who he hates.
15 Ways To Drive A Man Crazy
1. Take the batteries out of all the remotes in the house. (Hide them well.)
2. Organize his workshop, bedroom, or other special place.
3. Bribe his faithful dog away from him with a steady diet of its favorite treats
4. Shrink his underwear in the dryer and when he complains, innocently suggest that he's gained a few pounds.
5. Stare at his forehead and when he notices, casually ask if there is any history of male pattern baldness on his mother's side.
6. "Accidentally" fill the gas tank of his new Porsche with diesel.
7. Repeatedly misplace the cordless phone, preferably in a different room each time.
8. Repeatedly lose his cellular phone in restaurants around town.
9. Loan his precious cellular phone to a pregnant girlfriend who "needs it more than he does."
10. Insist upon a lot of "meaningful conversations."
11. If you live together, have your mother fly in for a month-long visit unannounced.
12. Reverse his contact lenses in their case.
13. Snip a small hole in his fishing waders, then follow him with a camera to capture his "sinking" on film.
14. Super glue the pages of his Little Black Book together.
15. Give the secret stash of dirty magazines that he thinks you don't know about to his younger brother, who he hates.
I'm not dead yet
-
KidD01
- Posts: 5699
- Joined: Thu Oct 19, 2000 10:00 pm
- Location: In the bunker underneath your house
- Contact:
Here are things that may come handy to shoo over those irritating guys
Pick-up lines heard round the world and what you could say back to them
I know how to please a woman.
---Then please leave me alone.
I want to give myself to you.
---Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
May I see you pretty soon?
---Don't you think I'm pretty now?
Your hair color is fabulous.
---Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store.
You look like a dream.
---Go back to sleep.
I can tell that you want me.
---Yes, I want you to leave.
Hey, baby, what's your sign?
---Do not enter. or Stop.
I'd go through anything for you.
---Let's start with your bank account.
May I have the last dance?
---You've just had it.
I would go to the end of the world for you.
---Yes, but would you stay there?
Your place or mine?
---Both. You go to your place, and I'll go to mine.
Your body is like a temple.
---Sorry, there are no services today.
Is this seat empty?
---Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
---What's it like being the biggest liar in the world?
Haven't I seen you someplace before?
---Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.
If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
---If I could see you naked, I'd die laughing.
Pick-up lines heard round the world and what you could say back to them
I know how to please a woman.
---Then please leave me alone.
I want to give myself to you.
---Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
May I see you pretty soon?
---Don't you think I'm pretty now?
Your hair color is fabulous.
---Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store.
You look like a dream.
---Go back to sleep.
I can tell that you want me.
---Yes, I want you to leave.
Hey, baby, what's your sign?
---Do not enter. or Stop.
I'd go through anything for you.
---Let's start with your bank account.
May I have the last dance?
---You've just had it.
I would go to the end of the world for you.
---Yes, but would you stay there?
Your place or mine?
---Both. You go to your place, and I'll go to mine.
Your body is like a temple.
---Sorry, there are no services today.
Is this seat empty?
---Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
---What's it like being the biggest liar in the world?
Haven't I seen you someplace before?
---Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.
If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
---If I could see you naked, I'd die laughing.
I'm not dead yet
-
fable
- Posts: 30676
- Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2001 12:00 pm
- Location: The sun, the moon, and the stars.
- Contact:
Run, don't walk, if the woman you've just dated for the first time utters this in a restaurant:
"You don't want to eat that. You know how long that stuff stays in your colon?"
"You don't want to eat that. You know how long that stuff stays in your colon?"
To the Righteous belong the fruits of violent victory. The rest of us will have to settle for warm friends, warm lovers, and a wink from a quietly supportive universe.
-
KidD01
- Posts: 5699
- Joined: Thu Oct 19, 2000 10:00 pm
- Location: In the bunker underneath your house
- Contact:
Answers To Every Woman's Questions About Men
1. WHY ARE MEN SUCH JERKS?
It's a testosterone thing. Much similar to your PMS thing, we men suffer from testosterone poisoning. Why do you think the average life span of a male is typically 10 years shorter (and it's not just from all the bitching and nagging we have to endure)? Hormone modifies behavior. We're just misunderstood.
2. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS HAVE TO OGLE OTHER WOMEN?
Again, this is a testosterone thing. Do you honestly think that all the testosterone just fell out of our bodies the moment we met you? Besides, women do it as well. Women are just much better at not getting caught. I'm fairly certain it's some sort of photographic memory deal. Women take one quick look and memorise it for later reference. Since men lack this ability, we try to burn it into our memory by staring as much as we can.
3. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS TOUCH THEMSELVES, ESPECIALLY IN PUBLIC?
We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him happy. It's much like adjusting your bra. Being in public is just an added bonus.
4. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS SAY SUCH STUPID THINGS?
We like to. It's actually a whole lot of fun to see our partner frustrated by a few simple (and well chosen) words.
5. WHY ARE MEN SO UNCOMMUNICATIVE?
You'd learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every time you open it you get into trouble with your partner.
6. WHY DO MEN HAVE TO ACT LIKE SUCH RETARDS?
Well, we don't actually have to. We do it because we enjoy it. It's the old fashioned pride in a job well done that's missing in so much of the world nowadays.
7. WHY CAN'T MEN JUST SHARE THEIR FEELINGS?
Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to understand that men and women are different? How are we supposed to share how we feel when we have no idea how we feel? Unless we're experiencing some extreme emotion like rage, hatred, disgust, or a brick on our foot, we have no idea how we feel. Personally, I get a headache whenever I try to figure out how I feel.
8. WHY CAN'T MEN CUDDLE MORE (I.E. LIE DOWN AND HUG)?
Please. How many hours do you think there are in a day? We oblige you as much as we can, but who the hell (besides women) can stand lying around for hours on end? We men... Men hunters...Need go roam...Starve in cave... Must go find wildebeast... Now sitting on our backsides for hours on end on the other hand is a whole other story.
9. HOW CAN MEN SIT ON THEIR BACKSIDES ALL DAY WITHOUT MOVING?
Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed by evolution that enable us to sit for extended periods of time without getting tired. In prehistoric times, it was often necessary to sit in one spot for extended periods of time while hunting for prey. The most successful hunters were able to sit very still for very extended periods of time thereby passing on this ability to their progeny. The fidgety types were all gobbled up by saber toothed tigers. The end result is that almost all modern men are born with this innate ability.
10. WHY CAN'T MEN JUST SAY "I LOVE YOU?"
Men are taught from a tender young age to be self-sufficient. To say that we love you is equivalent to saying that we need you. Most men consider that a character fault. It's not easy to admit to one's own character faults.
11. WHY DO MEN SAY "I LOVE YOU" WHEN THEY HARDLY KNOW ME?
Ho, ho, ho. Aren't you special? Well, some men think it's a sure fire way to get into your pants. Surprisingly, it actually still works quite well.
12. WHY DOESN'T MY PARTNER EVER ANSWER ME?
We just simply don't have the energy to answer every single one of your questions. If we think we do not have the answer, or that you will not like the answer, we simply remain quiet and save the energy for other things.
13. WHY WON'T MEN EVER PICK UP AFTER THEMSELVES?
Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much. Besides, we know darn well you'll pick it up.
14. WHAT'S WITH ALL THE BELCHING AND FARTING?
This usually only occurs after months of courting. It's our way to let you know that we're comfortable with you. Believe it or not, it's actually a sign of affection. Besides, holding it for extended periods of time gives us stomach cramps.
15. WHY DO MEN HATE SHOPPING?
It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We just want to go out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants to spend hours and hours to look at things we have no intention of killing? Er, buying.
[ 06-13-2001: Message edited by: KidD01 ]
1. WHY ARE MEN SUCH JERKS?
It's a testosterone thing. Much similar to your PMS thing, we men suffer from testosterone poisoning. Why do you think the average life span of a male is typically 10 years shorter (and it's not just from all the bitching and nagging we have to endure)? Hormone modifies behavior. We're just misunderstood.
2. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS HAVE TO OGLE OTHER WOMEN?
Again, this is a testosterone thing. Do you honestly think that all the testosterone just fell out of our bodies the moment we met you? Besides, women do it as well. Women are just much better at not getting caught. I'm fairly certain it's some sort of photographic memory deal. Women take one quick look and memorise it for later reference. Since men lack this ability, we try to burn it into our memory by staring as much as we can.
3. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS TOUCH THEMSELVES, ESPECIALLY IN PUBLIC?
We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him happy. It's much like adjusting your bra. Being in public is just an added bonus.
4. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS SAY SUCH STUPID THINGS?
We like to. It's actually a whole lot of fun to see our partner frustrated by a few simple (and well chosen) words.
5. WHY ARE MEN SO UNCOMMUNICATIVE?
You'd learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every time you open it you get into trouble with your partner.
6. WHY DO MEN HAVE TO ACT LIKE SUCH RETARDS?
Well, we don't actually have to. We do it because we enjoy it. It's the old fashioned pride in a job well done that's missing in so much of the world nowadays.
7. WHY CAN'T MEN JUST SHARE THEIR FEELINGS?
Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to understand that men and women are different? How are we supposed to share how we feel when we have no idea how we feel? Unless we're experiencing some extreme emotion like rage, hatred, disgust, or a brick on our foot, we have no idea how we feel. Personally, I get a headache whenever I try to figure out how I feel.
8. WHY CAN'T MEN CUDDLE MORE (I.E. LIE DOWN AND HUG)?
Please. How many hours do you think there are in a day? We oblige you as much as we can, but who the hell (besides women) can stand lying around for hours on end? We men... Men hunters...Need go roam...Starve in cave... Must go find wildebeast... Now sitting on our backsides for hours on end on the other hand is a whole other story.
9. HOW CAN MEN SIT ON THEIR BACKSIDES ALL DAY WITHOUT MOVING?
Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed by evolution that enable us to sit for extended periods of time without getting tired. In prehistoric times, it was often necessary to sit in one spot for extended periods of time while hunting for prey. The most successful hunters were able to sit very still for very extended periods of time thereby passing on this ability to their progeny. The fidgety types were all gobbled up by saber toothed tigers. The end result is that almost all modern men are born with this innate ability.
10. WHY CAN'T MEN JUST SAY "I LOVE YOU?"
Men are taught from a tender young age to be self-sufficient. To say that we love you is equivalent to saying that we need you. Most men consider that a character fault. It's not easy to admit to one's own character faults.
11. WHY DO MEN SAY "I LOVE YOU" WHEN THEY HARDLY KNOW ME?
Ho, ho, ho. Aren't you special? Well, some men think it's a sure fire way to get into your pants. Surprisingly, it actually still works quite well.
12. WHY DOESN'T MY PARTNER EVER ANSWER ME?
We just simply don't have the energy to answer every single one of your questions. If we think we do not have the answer, or that you will not like the answer, we simply remain quiet and save the energy for other things.
13. WHY WON'T MEN EVER PICK UP AFTER THEMSELVES?
Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much. Besides, we know darn well you'll pick it up.
14. WHAT'S WITH ALL THE BELCHING AND FARTING?
This usually only occurs after months of courting. It's our way to let you know that we're comfortable with you. Believe it or not, it's actually a sign of affection. Besides, holding it for extended periods of time gives us stomach cramps.
15. WHY DO MEN HATE SHOPPING?
It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We just want to go out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants to spend hours and hours to look at things we have no intention of killing? Er, buying.
[ 06-13-2001: Message edited by: KidD01 ]
I'm not dead yet
-
KidD01
- Posts: 5699
- Joined: Thu Oct 19, 2000 10:00 pm
- Location: In the bunker underneath your house
- Contact:
A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE
Why do men like love at first sight?
Because he knows it's all over as soon as she opens her mouth.
A woman of5 thinks of having children. What does a man of5 think of?
How much his wife has begun to resemble Morly Safer.
How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
Their target audience is women.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A mute nymphomanic 8 year old girlfriend.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
Penis envy.
Why do women have mid-life crises?
Because Phil and Oprah say they're supposed to.
How does a woman show she's planning for the future?
Plastic Surgery.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
Sex, stupid.
What do you do with a 40 year old woman who thinks she's God's gift?
Trade her in for two 20 year olds.
Why do bachelors like smart women?
Because they're so rare.
What's the difference between a wife and a job.
After 5 years, the job still sucks.
Why is sleeping with a woman like a soap opera?
Cause it's the same tired old plot, year in and year out.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
They're trying not to attract any more undue blame then they already have.
What is the thinnest book in the world?
Biographies of Happy women
What's the difference between men and government bonds?
None, they're both the same, steadily increasing in value, predictable and vastly undervalued by people who don't understand them.
Why do men like love at first sight?
Because he knows it's all over as soon as she opens her mouth.
A woman of5 thinks of having children. What does a man of5 think of?
How much his wife has begun to resemble Morly Safer.
How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
Their target audience is women.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A mute nymphomanic 8 year old girlfriend.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
Penis envy.
Why do women have mid-life crises?
Because Phil and Oprah say they're supposed to.
How does a woman show she's planning for the future?
Plastic Surgery.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
Sex, stupid.
What do you do with a 40 year old woman who thinks she's God's gift?
Trade her in for two 20 year olds.
Why do bachelors like smart women?
Because they're so rare.
What's the difference between a wife and a job.
After 5 years, the job still sucks.
Why is sleeping with a woman like a soap opera?
Cause it's the same tired old plot, year in and year out.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
They're trying not to attract any more undue blame then they already have.
What is the thinnest book in the world?
Biographies of Happy women
What's the difference between men and government bonds?
None, they're both the same, steadily increasing in value, predictable and vastly undervalued by people who don't understand them.
I'm not dead yet
@KidD: ROLFMFAO!!! That's gold!
That's gold! Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
THE PERFECT DAY -FOR HER
8.15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8.30 Weigh in 2Kg lighter than yesterday
8.45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and
croissants; open presents - expensive
jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner
9.15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10.00 Light work out at club with handsome funny personal
trainer
10.30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry
12.00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
12.45 Catch sight of husband/boyfriend's ex and
notices she has gained 7kg
1.00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit
3.00 Nap
4.00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card from secret
admirer
4.15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong
but gentle hunk who says he rarely gets to
work on such a perfect body
5.30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade
before full length mirror
7.30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing with
compliments received from other diners/dancers
10.00 Hot shower (alone)
10:50 Carried to bed (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white
linen)
1.00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11.15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms
THE PERFECT DAY -FOR HIM
6.00 Alarm
6.15 Blow job
6.30 Massive satisfying crap while reading the sports section
7.00 Breakfast: rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all
cooked by naked buxom wench
7.30 Limo arrives
7.45 Several Whiskeys en-route to airport
9.15 Flight in personal Lear Jet
9.30 Limo to Riverside Oaks Golf Club (blow job en-route)
9.45 Play front nine (2 under)
11.45 Lunch Pie, chips and gravy, 3 lagers and a bottle of Dom
Perignon
12.15 Blow job
12.30 Play back nine (4 under)
2.15 Limo back to the airport (Several Whiskeys)
2.30 Fly to Monte Carlo
3.30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all
female crew (all nude)
4.30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs) - on light tackle
5.00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson
6.45 Sh*t, Shower and Shave
7.00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated; marajuana and
porn legalised
Dinner: lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big
juicy fillet steak followed by ice-cream served on a pair of t*ts
Napoleon Brandy and Cohuna cigar in front of
wall size TV
as you watch international Match of the Day; England
beating Germany 11-0
9.30 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies)
11.00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a
cleansing ale
11.30 A night cap blowjob
11.45 In bed alone
11.50 A 12 second fart which changes note 4 times and
forces the dog to leave the room
8.15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8.30 Weigh in 2Kg lighter than yesterday
8.45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and
croissants; open presents - expensive
jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner
9.15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10.00 Light work out at club with handsome funny personal
trainer
10.30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry
12.00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
12.45 Catch sight of husband/boyfriend's ex and
notices she has gained 7kg
1.00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit
3.00 Nap
4.00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card from secret
admirer
4.15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong
but gentle hunk who says he rarely gets to
work on such a perfect body
5.30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade
before full length mirror
7.30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing with
compliments received from other diners/dancers
10.00 Hot shower (alone)
10:50 Carried to bed (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white
linen)
1.00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11.15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms
THE PERFECT DAY -FOR HIM
6.00 Alarm
6.15 Blow job
6.30 Massive satisfying crap while reading the sports section
7.00 Breakfast: rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all
cooked by naked buxom wench
7.30 Limo arrives
7.45 Several Whiskeys en-route to airport
9.15 Flight in personal Lear Jet
9.30 Limo to Riverside Oaks Golf Club (blow job en-route)
9.45 Play front nine (2 under)
11.45 Lunch Pie, chips and gravy, 3 lagers and a bottle of Dom
Perignon
12.15 Blow job
12.30 Play back nine (4 under)
2.15 Limo back to the airport (Several Whiskeys)
2.30 Fly to Monte Carlo
3.30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all
female crew (all nude)
4.30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs) - on light tackle
5.00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson
6.45 Sh*t, Shower and Shave
7.00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated; marajuana and
porn legalised
Dinner: lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big
juicy fillet steak followed by ice-cream served on a pair of t*ts
Napoleon Brandy and Cohuna cigar in front of
wall size TV
as you watch international Match of the Day; England
beating Germany 11-0
9.30 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies)
11.00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a
cleansing ale
11.30 A night cap blowjob
11.45 In bed alone
11.50 A 12 second fart which changes note 4 times and
forces the dog to leave the room
Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
-
Garcia
- Posts: 1017
- Joined: Wed Dec 06, 2000 11:00 pm
- Location: Denmark (and Slvenia and England (gibraltar)))
- Contact:
agree!Originally posted by Minerva:
<STRONG>Experience tells me, don't listen to the guys in this board about dating or romance...
I have a feeling that their tips and tricks doesn't always work This weeks health tips:
Don't eat sharp objects it can be the cause of 7 out of 10 bad stomages.
Don't eat sharp objects it can be the cause of 7 out of 10 bad stomages.
We neither profess that they work, nor that they are any good... simply that they are in fact in existence
Oooh, philosophical... I like it!
Oooh, philosophical... I like it!
Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
-
Garcia
- Posts: 1017
- Joined: Wed Dec 06, 2000 11:00 pm
- Location: Denmark (and Slvenia and England (gibraltar)))
- Contact:
Originally posted by Vehemence:
<STRONG>THE PERFECT DAY -FOR HER
8.15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8.30 Weigh in 2Kg lighter than yesterday
8.45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and
croissants; open presents - expensive
jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner
9.15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10.00 Light work out at club with handsome funny personal
trainer
10.30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry
12.00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
12.45 Catch sight of husband/boyfriend's ex and
notices she has gained 7kg
1.00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit
3.00 Nap
4.00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card from secret
admirer
4.15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong
but gentle hunk who says he rarely gets to
work on such a perfect body
5.30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade
before full length mirror
7.30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing with
compliments received from other diners/dancers
10.00 Hot shower (alone)
10:50 Carried to bed (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white
linen)
1.00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11.15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms
THE PERFECT DAY -FOR HIM
6.00 Alarm
6.15 Blow job
6.30 Massive satisfying crap while reading the sports section
7.00 Breakfast: rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all
cooked by naked buxom wench
7.30 Limo arrives
7.45 Several Whiskeys en-route to airport
9.15 Flight in personal Lear Jet
9.30 Limo to Riverside Oaks Golf Club (blow job en-route)
9.45 Play front nine (2 under)
11.45 Lunch Pie, chips and gravy, 3 lagers and a bottle of Dom
Perignon
12.15 Blow job
12.30 Play back nine (4 under)
2.15 Limo back to the airport (Several Whiskeys)
2.30 Fly to Monte Carlo
3.30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all
female crew (all nude)
4.30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs) - on light tackle
5.00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson
6.45 Sh*t, Shower and Shave
7.00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated; marajuana and
porn legalised
Dinner: lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big
juicy fillet steak followed by ice-cream served on a pair of t*ts
Napoleon Brandy and Cohuna cigar in front of
wall size TV
as you watch international Match of the Day; England
beating Germany 11-0
9.30 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies)
11.00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a
cleansing ale
11.30 A night cap blowjob
11.45 In bed alone
11.50 A 12 second fart which changes note 4 times and
forces the dog to leave the room</STRONG>
This weeks health tips:
Don't eat sharp objects it can be the cause of 7 out of 10 bad stomages.
Don't eat sharp objects it can be the cause of 7 out of 10 bad stomages.
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KidD01
- Posts: 5699
- Joined: Thu Oct 19, 2000 10:00 pm
- Location: In the bunker underneath your house
- Contact:
The Shorter version of Perfect day
The Perfect Day According To HER
08:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses
09:00 5 pounds lighter on the scale
09:30 Light breakfast
10:00 Sunbathe
12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:45 Shopping
2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex - notice she's gained0 lbs.
3:00 Facial, massage, nap
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing
10:00 Make love
11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms
The perfect day according to HIM
10:00 Wake up
10:02 Oral sex
10:10 Big Breakfast
11:30 Drive up coast in Ferrari with gorgeous babe with big hooters
12:15 Enormous lunch
3:15 Oral sex with gorgeous babe with big hooters
3:25 Play sports with the guys
4:30 Drink beer with the guys
6:30 Meet Claudia Schiffer
6:40 Oral sex with Claudia Schiffer
6:50 Huge dinner, more beer
11:00 Full on, get down, gorilla sex with either Claudia Schiffer or other orgeous babe with big hooters or both
11:01 Sleep
The Perfect Day According To HER
08:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses
09:00 5 pounds lighter on the scale
09:30 Light breakfast
10:00 Sunbathe
12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:45 Shopping
2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex - notice she's gained0 lbs.
3:00 Facial, massage, nap
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing
10:00 Make love
11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms
The perfect day according to HIM
10:00 Wake up
10:02 Oral sex
10:10 Big Breakfast
11:30 Drive up coast in Ferrari with gorgeous babe with big hooters
12:15 Enormous lunch
3:15 Oral sex with gorgeous babe with big hooters
3:25 Play sports with the guys
4:30 Drink beer with the guys
6:30 Meet Claudia Schiffer
6:40 Oral sex with Claudia Schiffer
6:50 Huge dinner, more beer
11:00 Full on, get down, gorilla sex with either Claudia Schiffer or other orgeous babe with big hooters or both
11:01 Sleep
I'm not dead yet
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KidD01
- Posts: 5699
- Joined: Thu Oct 19, 2000 10:00 pm
- Location: In the bunker underneath your house
- Contact:
Hearing and Listening
What a woman says:
Cmon...This place is a mess! You and I need to clean. Your pants are on the floor and you'll have no clothes if we don't do laundry now!
What a man hears:
C'MON....blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW!
What a woman says:
Cmon...This place is a mess! You and I need to clean. Your pants are on the floor and you'll have no clothes if we don't do laundry now!
What a man hears:
C'MON....blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW!
I'm not dead yet