Here are some more jokes, people seemed to like the other ones so I will keep posting.
A man was on holiday in the Caribbean and liking the continual good weather settled down for a day's sunbathing. Well, after a whole day his legs were sunburned beyond belief and he could hardly stand the pain. So he goes along to the doctor for treatment.
The doctor looks at his sunburned legs and said, "well, you realize that this is only a small village surgery and in reality I've really
got nothing at all to help you. However, try this" and gives him one tablet ofViagra.
So the man says, "but I've got acute sunburn what's a Viagra tablet going to do?
"The doctor says, "basically, nothing at all but it will help keep the sheets off your legs tonight.
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
There was a Midwestern phone company that was going to hire one team of telephone pole installers and the boss had to choose between a team of Polish guys and a team of Irish guys. So the boss met with both teams and said: "Here's what we'll do. Each team will be installing poles out on the new road for a day. The team that installs the most phone poles gets the job."
Both teams headed right out.
At the end of the shift, the Irish guys came back and the boss asked them how many they had installed, and they said that it was tough going, but they'd put in twelve.
Forty-five minutes later, the Polish guys came back in and they were totally exhausted. The boss said, "Well, how many poles did you guys install? "The team leader wiped his brow and sighed, "We got three in."
The boss gasped, "Three? Those Irish guys put in twelve!"
"Yeah," said the Polish leader, "but you should see how much they left sticking out of the ground!"
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
More jokes, from Azeroth this time
-
Azeroth
- Posts: 319
- Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2000 11:00 pm
- Location: The land of trees and breeze
- Contact:
More jokes, from Azeroth this time
Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead.
---Scottish Proverb
---Scottish Proverb
LMAO! A couple of good ones! 
Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
-
Bloodstalker
- Posts: 15512
- Joined: Wed Apr 18, 2001 10:00 pm
- Location: Hell if I know
- Contact:
Aw hell, here I go again.....
A police officer in TN pulled a gut over doing 95 in a 55 zone. When he asked the driver of the vehicle for his registration, the driver said he didn't have any. no insurence either. The cop asked if this was his car, and the driver stated that yes, it was in fact his car as he had just stolen the vehicle after killing the owner and putting him in the trunk. The officer immediatly placed the driver in his patrol car and called for the Captain to come down, stating that they had a crisis on their hands. The captain arrived and was briefed by the officer. He then asked the driver to open the trunk. the driver asked why, and the Captain explained he wanted to see the dead body. The driver insisted that there was no body in the trunk, and open it . Sure enough, it was empty. The Captain asked if he could see his registration, upon which the driver produced the papers. The Captain stood bewildered, and began to berate the arresting officer. "You brought me all the way down here telling me there was a dead body and a car theft' at which point the driver cut in,"yeah, and I bet the lying **** told you I was speeding too"
AH I feel better now.
A police officer in TN pulled a gut over doing 95 in a 55 zone. When he asked the driver of the vehicle for his registration, the driver said he didn't have any. no insurence either. The cop asked if this was his car, and the driver stated that yes, it was in fact his car as he had just stolen the vehicle after killing the owner and putting him in the trunk. The officer immediatly placed the driver in his patrol car and called for the Captain to come down, stating that they had a crisis on their hands. The captain arrived and was briefed by the officer. He then asked the driver to open the trunk. the driver asked why, and the Captain explained he wanted to see the dead body. The driver insisted that there was no body in the trunk, and open it . Sure enough, it was empty. The Captain asked if he could see his registration, upon which the driver produced the papers. The Captain stood bewildered, and began to berate the arresting officer. "You brought me all the way down here telling me there was a dead body and a car theft' at which point the driver cut in,"yeah, and I bet the lying **** told you I was speeding too"
AH I feel better now.
Lord of Lurkers
Guess what? I got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell!
Guess what? I got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell!
-
Bloodstalker
- Posts: 15512
- Joined: Wed Apr 18, 2001 10:00 pm
- Location: Hell if I know
- Contact:
Well, what about this one?
A guy and a midget walk into a bar. The bartender walks up, and askes what he would like to drink. he brings the guy and the midget a couple of beers. The midget drinks his, begins to cuss a blue streak, and stands on the bar and flashes the room. The bartender gets mad and demands the midget sit down. the guy apologizes and calms his friend down. The midget takes another drink and begins spouting obscenities again. he takes a hatchet from his coat and proceeds to chop the bar all to hell. the bartender gets mad as hell and demands that they leave. The man tells the bartender to take it easy, and offers him $10,000 to fix the damage. The bartender takes the money, but still being angry, asks what the hell a nice guy like him is doing with an ******* for a frind. The guy says "well, it's like this, I was going through my grandmothers attic and came across this bottle. It was real dirty so I started cleaning it with a clothe. Then, all of a sudden, a genie apears and says he'll grant me three wishes. So I ask to be extremly rich, and so it is."
The bartender says, "well, I can see that, you just handed me $10,000 like it was nothing, yeah I believe that."
The guy says, "with my second wish, i wanted to be attractive to all women."
the bartender examines him closely and says, "well, I can see that, your a nice looking guy. I believe you. But whats does this have to do with this jerk your sitting with?"
The guy just smiled tiredly and said" well, remember my third wish I had comimg?"
"yeah"
said the bartender.
The man pointed at the midget, now passed out on the floor, "well, That's the two and a half foot prick I wished for."
Ducks tomatoes on his way outthe door.
A guy and a midget walk into a bar. The bartender walks up, and askes what he would like to drink. he brings the guy and the midget a couple of beers. The midget drinks his, begins to cuss a blue streak, and stands on the bar and flashes the room. The bartender gets mad and demands the midget sit down. the guy apologizes and calms his friend down. The midget takes another drink and begins spouting obscenities again. he takes a hatchet from his coat and proceeds to chop the bar all to hell. the bartender gets mad as hell and demands that they leave. The man tells the bartender to take it easy, and offers him $10,000 to fix the damage. The bartender takes the money, but still being angry, asks what the hell a nice guy like him is doing with an ******* for a frind. The guy says "well, it's like this, I was going through my grandmothers attic and came across this bottle. It was real dirty so I started cleaning it with a clothe. Then, all of a sudden, a genie apears and says he'll grant me three wishes. So I ask to be extremly rich, and so it is."
The bartender says, "well, I can see that, you just handed me $10,000 like it was nothing, yeah I believe that."
The guy says, "with my second wish, i wanted to be attractive to all women."
the bartender examines him closely and says, "well, I can see that, your a nice looking guy. I believe you. But whats does this have to do with this jerk your sitting with?"
The guy just smiled tiredly and said" well, remember my third wish I had comimg?"
"yeah"
said the bartender.
The man pointed at the midget, now passed out on the floor, "well, That's the two and a half foot prick I wished for."
Ducks tomatoes on his way outthe door.
Lord of Lurkers
Guess what? I got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell!
Guess what? I got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell!
-
Bloodstalker
- Posts: 15512
- Joined: Wed Apr 18, 2001 10:00 pm
- Location: Hell if I know
- Contact:
-
Bloodstalker
- Posts: 15512
- Joined: Wed Apr 18, 2001 10:00 pm
- Location: Hell if I know
- Contact: