... for those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in
California, here is a copy of the California Driver's Exam, and
for those of you who do, study real hard. This is a new exam.
Since driving conditions (and culture) are unique in Los Angeles,
you may not have realized that the California Department of
Motor Vehicles has now issued a special application and driver's
test solely for the Los Angeles Metropolitan Area.
GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:
Sex: ___male ___female ___formerly male
___formerly female ____both
*If female, indicate breast implant size: _______
Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely
operate a motor vehicle in any way? Yes___ No ___
Please list brand of cell phone: ______________________
If you don't own a cell phone, please explain:___________
________________________________________________
Please check activities you perform while driving:
(Check all that apply)
[ ]Eating
[ ]Drinking Starbucks coffee
[ ]Applying make-up
[ ]Shaving (male or female)
[ ]Talking on the phone
[ ]Slapping kids in the back-seat
[ ]Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[ ]Tanning
[X]Snorting cocaine (already checked for your
convenience)
[ ]Watching TV
[ ]Reading Variety
[ ]Surfing the net via laptop
[ ]Discharging firearms / Reloading
Please indicate how many times
a) you expect to shoot at other drivers _____
b) how many times you expect to be shot at while driving _____
If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should immediately:
a) Call the police to report the crime.
b) Call Channel 9 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the news in a high-speed chase.
c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company for 911 call not going through.
d) Call your therapist.
In the event of an earthquake, you should :
a) stop your car
b) keep driving and hope for the best.
c) immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones.
d) pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 9.
In the instance of rain, you should:
a) never drive over 5 MPH.
b) drive twice as fast as usual.
c) you're not sure what "rain" is.
Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ______.
Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
a) Prozac
b) Zovirax
c) Lithium
d) Zanax
e) Valium
f) Zoloft
g) All of the above
h) None of the above
*If none, please explain: __________________.
Length of daily commute:
a) Less than 1 hour
b) 1 hour
c) 2 hours
d) 3 hours
e) 4 hours or more
* If less than 1 hour, please explain:____________________.
When stopped by police, you should:
a) pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready.
b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405 Freeway.
c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit.
When turning, you should always signal your intentions by:
a) using your directional signals.
b) what is a "directional signal"?
Which part of your car will wear out most often?
a) the wiper blades
b) the belts
c) the horn
The "bright" setting on your headlights is for:
a) dark, poorly lit roads
b) flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way
c) revenge!
Your rear view mirror is for:
a) watching for approaching cars
b) watching for approaching police cars
c) checking your hair
... so what's traffic like in your own country?
"There is no weakness in honest sorrow... only in succumbing to depression over what cannot be changed." --- Alaundo, BG2
Brother Scribe, Keeper of the Holy Scripts of COMM
[url="http://www.gamebanshee.com/forums/speak-your-mind-16/"]Moderator, Speak Your Mind Forum[/url]
[url="http://www.gamebanshee.com/forums/speak-your-mind-16/sym-specific-rules-please-read-before-posting-14427.html"]SYM Specific Forum Rules[/url]
Daddy (If unknown, list 3 suspects):______________________________________
Mamma:_________________________
Neck Shade: _____Light Red _____Medium Red _____Dark Red
Number of teeth exposed in full grin: Upper_____ Lower_____
Name of Pickup owned:_______________ Height of Truck__________
Truck equipped with:
____Gun Rack ____4-Wheel Drive ____Confederate Flag
____8-Track Cassettes ____Load of Wood ____Hijacker Shocks
____Radar Detector ____Mag Wheels ____Dual CB Antennas
____Spittoon ____Camper Top ____Air Horns
____Mud Flaps ____Toothpick Holder ____Mud-Grip Tires
____Raccoon Hide ____Big Dog ____Hunting Rifle
Number of empty beer cans on floorboard or in bed of pickup truck:_____
BUMPER STICKERS:
____Eat more Possum ____My other car is a piece of **** too
____Honk if you love Jesus ____If you ain't a cowboy you aint ****
____Redman Chewing Tobacco ____Wave if you're horny
____Don't Like My Driving? Dial 1-800-Eat-****
____If You Can Read This, Then You's Too Smart For Kentucky
____I Brake For Nuthin' ____National Rifle Association
Number of Dogs:____ Type: ___Blue Tick ___Beagle
___Black & Tan ___Bird Dawg
Cap Emblem: ___John Deer ___McCullock Chain Saws ___Budweiser
___Vo-Tech ___Skoal ___Coors
___NAPA ___Smile if You're Not Wearing Underwear
___N.R.A. ___Redman ____Kodiak
Number of Dependends: Legal:________ Claimed:_________
Number of Weeks Unemployed:__________
Number of Welfare Checks Received:____________
Memberships:
___KKK ___NRA ___Moose ___PTL Club ___AA
___Bass Club ___VFW ___Quiltin' Bee ___American Legion
___United Sons/Daughters of the Confederacy
___John Birch Society
Length of Right leg:________ Length of Left leg:__________
Number of Testicles Shot off in 'Nam____ Number of Testicles Left____
Does your truck contain some part painted the offical state color of
Primer Red? ___Yes ___No
How many cars do you have jacked up on blocks in your front yard?_______
How many kitchen appliances will you keep on your front porch?__________
Will you wear mostly double-knit polyester pants with snags?____________
Do you own any shoes? ____Yes ____No If yes, how many?__________
What year did you last purchase shoes?_________________
Are you married to any of the following:
____Sister ____Cousin ____Sow
Do you know her name?________________
Does your wife weigh more than your pickup?____________
Can you sign your name and get the spelling right every time?____________
Have you ever stayed sober for a whole weekend?________________
If so, why?______________________________________________________________
Can you count: Past 10 with your shoes on?_________________
To 21 with your fly up?_____________________
Do you know any words that have more than four letters?__________________
Have you ever had more than one bath in a week?__________________________
IF YOUR APPLICATION IS TURNED DOWN BY THE STATE OF KENTUCKY, YOU MAY BE
ELIGIBLE IN THE STATES OF TEXAS, OKLAHOMA, OR ARKANSAS. THEIR STANDARDS ARE
SLIGHTLY LOWER, HOWEVER, YOU WOULD STILL BE ABLE TO VISIT KENTUCKY.
Lord of Lurkers
Guess what? I got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell!
I don't wanan drive, I wanna be a pilot for American West..... *hic* - I'm good on my way, already survived "Happy Hour", so now they tell me it is time to fly.
