If Men Ruled the World

Vehemence · Post by **Vehemence** » Thu Jun 21, 2001 11:41 pm

If Men Ruled the World

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.

Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."

Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

If your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.

Birth control would come in ale or lager.

You'd be expected to fill your resume with gag names of people you'd worked for, like "Heywood J'Blowme."

Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.

The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

"Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.

It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.

Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.

Tanks would be far easier to rent.

Garbage would take itself out. )

Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!"

Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too.

St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same.

But it would be celebrated every month.

Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.

Two words: Ally McNaked.

Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.

The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.

The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.

It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.

When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:
Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."

Faucets would run "Hot," "Cold," and "100 proof."

The Statue of Liberty would get a bright red, 40-foot thong.

People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

Daisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style.

Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

Xandax · Post by **Xandax** » Thu Jun 21, 2001 11:44 pm

OMG - that would be really good - I like it, lets take over the world.

KidD01 · Post by **KidD01** » Fri Jun 22, 2001 12:34 am

Two words: Ally McNaked.

LOL A nice one ! I never like Callista Flockhart and her Ally thingy, a way over too skinny gal indeed

leedogg · Post by **leedogg** » Fri Jun 22, 2001 1:33 am

*It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.*

this is unacceptable behaivour?

i thought it was just fun!

fable · Post by **fable** » Fri Jun 22, 2001 8:04 am

"If men ruled the world"...?

You mean, as opposed to its current condition, ruled by an unending mass of ****roaches?

Mr Sleep · Post by **Mr Sleep** » Fri Jun 22, 2001 8:08 am

That is not a nice way to refer to Wav and Grunt

Weasel · Post by **Weasel** » Fri Jun 22, 2001 8:13 am

LMAO

Craig · Post by **Craig** » Fri Jun 22, 2001 9:42 am

Minerva · Post by **Minerva** » Fri Jun 22, 2001 10:27 am

Originally posted by Vehemence:
If Men Ruled the World

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.

So, girls do give you fake phone numbers...

Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."

No way! I don't want any men to misunderstand I meant "I love you".

Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

Yeah, that could be useful...

If your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

I'll pass on this one, because I have no problem with men watching sports.

Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.

Most girls can tell you "Why don't you just p!ss off, you pathetic g!t?" without a smack.

Birth control would come in ale or lager.

You may not notice, but you are taking birth control. You would be useless by the time you manage to reach her front door.

You'd be expected to fill your resume with gag names of people you'd worked for, like "Heywood J'Blowme."

Why???

Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.

Or, footballers.

The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

Oh, you shouldn't give up your hope so easily...

"Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

You cannot use that everyday, surely...

At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.

It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.

Oookkaayyy...

Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.

When is the last time you looked into a mirror?

Tanks would be far easier to rent.

what for?

Garbage would take itself out. )

Because that what you are, and you have legs.

Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

There are many who have both beer belly and beer biceps, you know. Some even have beer bottom...

Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!"

You should feel lucky if you ever get a woman to begin with...

Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

So, you will only be miserable once every four years.

On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too.

What is Groundhog Day?

Your mother particularly deserves drink, don't you think?

St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same.

But it would be celebrated every month.

I agree.

When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:
Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."

Is that a smart-aleck answer?

Well, well...

Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

So, you don't have to be embarrassed about much.

T'lainya · Post by **T'lainya** » Fri Jun 22, 2001 11:35 am

@ Minerva

ROFLMAO *raises guinness to you..Cheers*

leedogg · Post by **leedogg** » Fri Jun 22, 2001 11:40 am

minerva- lmao.

you are truly wise.

Minerva · Post by **Minerva** » Fri Jun 22, 2001 12:02 pm

Thank you, T'lainya and leedogg.

It was a bit long work, I can tell you.

Darkpoet · Post by **Darkpoet** » Fri Jun 22, 2001 12:07 pm

If men ruled the world, they would be very lonely.

Minerva · Post by **Minerva** » Fri Jun 22, 2001 12:49 pm

Originally posted by Darkpoet:
If men ruled the world, they would be very lonely.

Ummm, that is true...

Brink · Post by **Brink** » Fri Jun 22, 2001 3:15 pm

Even if men attempt to rule the world,the time it takes for that to happen will surely be a long one.I don't think that there will be much of a world left by the time men gains complete control of everything on Earth(based on men's tactics for world domination, I'm sure there will be a huge population lost before someone emerges victorious

)

[ 06-22-2001: Message edited by: Brink ]

ThorinOakensfield · Post by **ThorinOakensfield** » Fri Jun 22, 2001 7:03 pm

But men do rule the world. Well except when the women want it their way, then we have a problem.

Minerva · Post by **Minerva** » Sat Jun 23, 2001 9:34 am

I thought this is a spamming place...

CM · Post by CM » Thu Aug 15, 2002 12:58 pm

Now this deserves a bump.
Pure genius this is and damn funny

Rob-hin · Post by **Rob-hin** » Thu Aug 15, 2002 1:07 pm

If Men Ruled the World...

Weasel would try to conquer it back.

Tybaltus · Post by **Tybaltus** » Thu Aug 15, 2002 1:10 pm

If men ruled the world:

Then Anomen would no longer be existant.