May I share my grief with you?

Maharlika · Post by **Maharlika** » Mon Jul 22, 2002 1:41 am

If the mods think that this thread is inappropriate, feel free to delete it without having to explain... I'd understand anyway...

I just got news that one of my close friends from way back during our kindergarten years to elementary to highschool to college and even after that has killed himself...

...I don't know why he would do such a thing. People who were close to him never had a single thought that he would do such a thing.

We grew up together in the same school all throughout. There were times we would hang out with other groups but we would still have time for each other.

Right now, I feel so freaking sad and at the same time so mad at him. We would chat at the MSN for hours and there would be no single clue that he's having problems.

He is also in the process of having a church wedding next year, however he is already married to his wife by civil rites.

You know, he's my third friend who killed himself... and what bothers me is that all three of them were my close buddies too who played PnP AD&D back in the '80's and early '90's.

Are ardent AD&Ders escapists? I hope not and I hope that these incidents are just coincidences.

Thanks for listening.

Eerhardt · Post by **Eerhardt** » Mon Jul 22, 2002 1:55 am

Words can never adequately say what you mean under these circumstances. I feel sorry for you, Mah

. It's even harder knowing you didn't get any clues he was considering suicide. I have only one advice: don't blame yourself. I'm sure it ìs some cruel coincidence. Know that, if you feel the need to talk some more, there will always be people here, willing to listen

.

Beldin · Post by **Beldin** » Mon Jul 22, 2002 2:06 am

Originally posted by Eerhardt
Words can never adequately say what you mean under these circumstances. I feel sorry for you, Mah . It's even harder knowing you didn't get any clues he was considering suicide. I have only one advice: don't blame yourself. I'm sure it ìs some cruel coincidence. Know that, if you feel the need to talk some more, there will always be people here, willing to listen .

Same here, @Mah. I'm lost for words, but I second E-Mans posting.

Beldin

Weasel · Post by **Weasel** » Mon Jul 22, 2002 2:23 am

As Eerhardt said, there are no words that can adequately say what you mean at times like this.

der Moench · Post by **der Moench** » Mon Jul 22, 2002 2:36 am

My sincerest condolences, Maharlika.

Rob-hin · Post by **Rob-hin** » Mon Jul 22, 2002 2:40 am

My condolences Maharlika.

Maharlika · Post by **Maharlika** » Mon Jul 22, 2002 2:52 am

Thanks, all...

...though I must admit, I'm still at the denial stage.

We even had a bet whose gonna lose his hair first...

...but I won getting a child first...

...he said he quit his vices a long time ago because he would want to have healthy sperms...

...I guess being away from my country and not being there at his funeral tonight would only make me remember him when he was alive...

...but I can't finish my work now.

Eerhardt · Post by **Eerhardt** » Mon Jul 22, 2002 2:59 am

I can imagine your work is the last thing on your mind now

. It's important to remember a lot of the good things about your friend. Try not to get too carried away with grim thoughts, but think of some of the good times you shared with him

. I wish you a lot of strength now, Mah.
E.

Ode to a Grasshopper · Mon Jul 22, 2002 3:01 am

Hey, that's rough, my friend.

My condolences too, Mah.

I'd say a lot of D&Ders are escapists, but not normally to the extent of suicide. Just remember, it's not your fault, so don't start blaming yourself. Like you said, you had no warning so there's nothing you could have done.
Like Eerhardt said, we're always here if you want to talk, and who can blame you for not being able to work? It's perfectly understandable.

Maharlika · Post by **Maharlika** » Mon Jul 22, 2002 3:02 am

Grim thoughts...?...

Originally posted by Eerhardt
I can imagine your work is the last thing on your mind now . It's important to remember a lot of the good things about your friend. Try not to get too carried away with grim thoughts, but think of some of the good times you shared with him . I wish you a lot of strength now, Mah.
E.

...nah. Just looking at my son's picture is enough to give me strength a whole lifetime.

...

...yeah, the missus too.

Thanks Eery edit- you too, Odie... I'll try to join you guys later at the pub... I'm having a chat right now with some of my hs buddies...

Eerhardt · Post by **Eerhardt** » Mon Jul 22, 2002 3:09 am

I'm no master of the English language, but I see you know what I meant, Mah

. It's good that you can always find strength in your son and the missus. As for dropping by, you're always welcome after talking to your buddies... in your own time

.
E.

Mr Sleep · Post by **Mr Sleep** » Mon Jul 22, 2002 3:15 am

As far as i am concerned this thread will stay for the time being.

Sorry to hear about what has happened Mar.

Yshania · Post by **Yshania** » Mon Jul 22, 2002 3:26 am

Mah - I am sorry to hear this *hug*

Tamerlane · Post by **Tamerlane** » Mon Jul 22, 2002 3:46 am

What can I say Mah?

My condolences to the family, and a prayer for the departed.

fable · Post by **fable** » Mon Jul 22, 2002 4:56 am

@Mah, you have my condolences, and please, speak them as well to his wife and family. Like you, I lost a close friend to suicide when I was in my mid-20s.

Georgi · Post by **Georgi** » Mon Jul 22, 2002 5:41 am

Condolences @Mah

*hug*

Tybaltus · Post by **Tybaltus** » Mon Jul 22, 2002 6:23 am

I am very sorry to hear that, Maharlika.

None of my friends have died so I can only imagine the pain that this has caused. And that feeling I imagine is a very very cold and sad feeling. But again I can only imagine and Ive never lived through tough times like that. I feel that you are a strong person to endure this, and I hope you stay strong.

My condolences, Maharlika.

Maharlika · Post by **Maharlika** » Mon Jul 22, 2002 6:54 am

As I call this a (sad) day...

...and head off to bed, many thanks to Mr. Sleep, Ysh *hug*, Tammy, fable, Georgi *hug*, and Tybaltus.

Thanks too to the mods for their "accommodation" and understanding.

I just had to let things out, but made a conscious effort to spare some inappropriate details.

Thanks again, you guys are like family to me.

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Mon Jul 22, 2002 6:59 am

That's horrible, Maharlika, I'm so sad to hear this

I find it so much more difficult when a person just kills himself without having shown any signs of depression or problems to anyone. The family and friends are left with so many questions that will never have an answer - why? Why was he so unhappy, why did he suffer so much in life so he thought death was a better alternative, why didn't the @#$% b-stard say something that may have saved him? I very well understand that grief becomes mixed with anger, since it feels like the person never gave himself nor anyone else, a chance to improve the situation! Maybe he could have been helped? We will never know, it is to late now.

It seems that you are a strong person, as well as very warm and caring person. This will be very important when you talk with all his other friends and his family. You will have the strength to go through this, and I believe you will also be able to offer support and consolation to other people around him.

I have never lost a close friend to suicide, on the contrary I had the great fortune of saving one of my best friends from suicide - this was in our teens, and she is still one of my best friends, a successful researcher, married, and a mother on a 2-year old boy.

I had two teenage "mates", not very close, that committed suicide, both of them had been severly depressed prior to the suicide. The one I was closest to, I tried to convince several times that he should seek professional help, but he didn't want to.
Sometimes when a person suddenly takes his/her life without prior signs, things will later be revealed that may explain why it happened. I know of one man where it later turned out he had extreme financial problems that his family knew nothing about. I know about another, who was later confirmed to have got a HIV diagnosis just before he killed himself. But sometimes such explanations can't be found, and that is often even more difficult for the ones left behind.

thantor3 · Post by **thantor3** » Mon Jul 22, 2002 7:10 am

I am truly sorry to hear of your loss, Maharlika. The world seems to go out of focus when you lose someone in this way. Once again, I am struck by the extraordinary graciousness of the people here in the SYM community... I was bouyed that you felt comfortable sharing this and that you have received the generous outpouring of support that is evident here. I hope, as well, that you have an equal level of support in your personal life. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.....