This is courtesy of my wife, who acquired it from a friend:
The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test. After the test, the manager says, "You will be employed as a janitor at minimum wage, $5.15 an hour.
Let me have your e-mail address, so that I can send you a form to complete and tell you where to report for work on your first day."
Taken aback, the man protests that he has neither a computer nor an e-mail address. To this the MS manager replies, "Well, then, that means that you virtually
don't exist and can therefore hardly expect to be employed by Microsoft.
Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having only $10.00 in his wallet, he buys a 25 lb flat of tomatoes at the supermarket. In less than two
hours, he sells all the tomatoes individually at 100% profit.
Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100.00 before going to sleep that night. Thus it dawns on him that he could quite easily make a living selling tomatoes. Getting up early every day and going to bed late, he multiplies his profits quickly. After a short time he acquires a cart to transport several dozen boxes of tomatoes, only to have to trade it in again so that he can buy a
pickup truck to support his expanding business. By the end of the second year, he is the owner of a fleet of pickup trucks and manages a staff of a hundred former unemployed people, all selling tomatoes.
Planning for the future of his wife and children, he decides to get some life insurance. Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his
new circumstances. At the end of the telephone conversation, the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in order to send the final documents electronically.
When the man replies that he has no e-mail, the adviser is stunned. "What, you don't have e-mail? How on earth have you managed to amass such wealth without the Internet, e-mail and e-commerce? Just imagine where you would be now, if you had been connected to the Internet from the very start!" "Well," replied the tomato millionaire, "I would be a janitor at Microsoft!"
By definition, a fable must have a moral. This one has four:
1. The Internet, e-mail and e-commerce do not need to
rule your life.
2. If you don't have e-mail, but work hard, you can
still become a millionaire.
3. Since you got this story via e-mail, you're
probably closer to becoming a janitor than you are to
becoming a millionaire.
4. If you do have a computer and e-mail, you have
already been taken to the cleaners by Microsoft.
Put your Microsoft canards here!
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fable
- Posts: 30676
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- Location: The sun, the moon, and the stars.
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Put your Microsoft canards here!
To the Righteous belong the fruits of violent victory. The rest of us will have to settle for warm friends, warm lovers, and a wink from a quietly supportive universe.
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Maharlika
- Posts: 5991
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- Location: Wanderlusting with my lampshade, like any decent k
- Contact:
An oldie...
...but still a goodie.
Nice one, fabster.
Now, off to find myself some buyers for my tomatoes!
BTW, can this thread be a venue for some Gates bashing?
...but still a goodie.
Nice one, fabster.Now, off to find myself some buyers for my tomatoes!
BTW, can this thread be a venue for some Gates bashing?
"There is no weakness in honest sorrow... only in succumbing to depression over what cannot be changed." --- Alaundo, BG2
Brother Scribe, Keeper of the Holy Scripts of COMM
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[url="http://www.gamebanshee.com/forums/speak-your-mind-16/sym-specific-rules-please-read-before-posting-14427.html"]SYM Specific Forum Rules[/url]
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fable
- Posts: 30676
- Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2001 12:00 pm
- Location: The sun, the moon, and the stars.
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Re: An oldie...
But of course. Gates and his monster are inseparable, and so shall we treat them.Originally posted by Maharlika
...but still a goodie.
Now, off to find myself some buyers for my tomatoes!
BTW, can this thread be a venue for some Gates bashing?
To the Righteous belong the fruits of violent victory. The rest of us will have to settle for warm friends, warm lovers, and a wink from a quietly supportive universe.
-
fable
- Posts: 30676
- Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2001 12:00 pm
- Location: The sun, the moon, and the stars.
- Contact:
There is a clever helicopter pilot whose job is to ferry VIP's from the Seattle airport to downtown. One day he found himself with a passenger in a pea soup fog somewhere over downtown Seattle. No landmarks were visible and the passenger became panicky.
The pilot said "Don't worry" and very gradually let the helicopter down until it was hovering opposite the window of a large, unidentifiable building. The pilot motioned to a woman working in the building to open her window and asked her "Where are we?" The woman responded "You are in a helicopter."
The pilot immediately lifted the helicopter above the building tops, flew a mile and a half, let it down through the fog, and hit the landing pad dead centre. The amazed and relieved passenger said "How on earth did you do that?" The pilot said: "It was simple. The information the woman gave me was perfectly accurate and utterly useless. I knew that she had to be working at the Microsoft Customer Support Centre."
The pilot said "Don't worry" and very gradually let the helicopter down until it was hovering opposite the window of a large, unidentifiable building. The pilot motioned to a woman working in the building to open her window and asked her "Where are we?" The woman responded "You are in a helicopter."
The pilot immediately lifted the helicopter above the building tops, flew a mile and a half, let it down through the fog, and hit the landing pad dead centre. The amazed and relieved passenger said "How on earth did you do that?" The pilot said: "It was simple. The information the woman gave me was perfectly accurate and utterly useless. I knew that she had to be working at the Microsoft Customer Support Centre."
To the Righteous belong the fruits of violent victory. The rest of us will have to settle for warm friends, warm lovers, and a wink from a quietly supportive universe.
I got this from a friend. Laughed for hours!!!
In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with Haiku poetry messages. Haiku poetry has strict construction rules. Each poem has only three lines, 17 syllables: five syllables in the first line, seven in the second, five in the third. Haiku are used to communicate a timeless message often achieving a wistful, yearning and powerful insight through extreme brevity – the essence of Zen.
Your file was so big,
It might be very useful,
But now it is gone.
The Web site you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.
Chaos reigns within,
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
First snow, then silence.
This thousand-dollar screen dies
So beautifully.
With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
“My Novel” not found
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao – until
You bring fresh toner.
Stay the patient course
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data,
Guess which has occurred.
In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with Haiku poetry messages. Haiku poetry has strict construction rules. Each poem has only three lines, 17 syllables: five syllables in the first line, seven in the second, five in the third. Haiku are used to communicate a timeless message often achieving a wistful, yearning and powerful insight through extreme brevity – the essence of Zen.
Your file was so big,
It might be very useful,
But now it is gone.
The Web site you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.
Chaos reigns within,
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
First snow, then silence.
This thousand-dollar screen dies
So beautifully.
With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
“My Novel” not found
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao – until
You bring fresh toner.
Stay the patient course
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data,
Guess which has occurred.
"Against stupidity, the Gods themselves contend in vain." -Friedrich Schiller
Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.
Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.
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VoodooDali
- Posts: 1992
- Joined: Thu Mar 22, 2001 11:00 pm
- Location: Spanking Witch King
- Contact:
@VD Glad you liked `em
My personal fovurite is the last one, but alas I must leave you now. It`s 3 a.m. local time and I need my beauty sleep.
My personal fovurite is the last one, but alas I must leave you now. It`s 3 a.m. local time and I need my beauty sleep.
"Against stupidity, the Gods themselves contend in vain." -Friedrich Schiller
Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.
Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.
-
fable
- Posts: 30676
- Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2001 12:00 pm
- Location: The sun, the moon, and the stars.
- Contact:
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly isn't really there.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Then it must be the way you're using the soup. Try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: This is starting to sound like an incompatibility issue. What kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl! The same one YOU served me!
Waiter: Hmmm, that usually works. Maybe it's a configuration problem. How was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer. What has that to do with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: At this point my best advice is for you to upgrade to the latest Soup of the Day.
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.
Waiter: (Leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check.)
Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
Waiter: Enjoy!
Waiter: (Leaves.)
Patron: Waiter! There's another fly in my soup!
Waiter: That sir, is not a fly, it is a protein feature. We have included this enhancement for free with your soup upgrade.
Patron: This is completely UNACCEPTABLE!!!
Waiter: Well, according to the license agreement printed on the back of your latest napkin, we are not liable for the disliking of our product features. I believe we can close this ticket now.
(Removes old check, and leaves a new one.)
Patron: (Reads the check Soup of the Day $ 1.50
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day $ 2.50
Access to support @ $ 5.00 per incident X 3 Incidents $15.00
Subtotal $19.00
Mandatory Gratuity (25%) $ 5.00*
Total $24.00
* Gratuity was calculated using an early Intel Pentium microprocessor
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly isn't really there.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Then it must be the way you're using the soup. Try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: This is starting to sound like an incompatibility issue. What kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl! The same one YOU served me!
Waiter: Hmmm, that usually works. Maybe it's a configuration problem. How was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer. What has that to do with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: At this point my best advice is for you to upgrade to the latest Soup of the Day.
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.
Waiter: (Leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check.)
Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
Waiter: Enjoy!
Waiter: (Leaves.)
Patron: Waiter! There's another fly in my soup!
Waiter: That sir, is not a fly, it is a protein feature. We have included this enhancement for free with your soup upgrade.
Patron: This is completely UNACCEPTABLE!!!
Waiter: Well, according to the license agreement printed on the back of your latest napkin, we are not liable for the disliking of our product features. I believe we can close this ticket now.
(Removes old check, and leaves a new one.)
Patron: (Reads the check
Soup of the Day $ 1.50 Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day $ 2.50
Access to support @ $ 5.00 per incident X 3 Incidents $15.00
Subtotal $19.00
Mandatory Gratuity (25%) $ 5.00*
Total $24.00
* Gratuity was calculated using an early Intel Pentium microprocessor
To the Righteous belong the fruits of violent victory. The rest of us will have to settle for warm friends, warm lovers, and a wink from a quietly supportive universe.
