Falling in love is like getting your foot bit off by a gila monster.

Alienbob · Post by **Alienbob** » Sun Feb 17, 2002 12:19 pm

@fable- sorry. it seems i took your post the wrong way. i apologize.

@Gwally- ive never heard of anyone getting there foot bit off by a gila monster and it certainly has never happened to me. the only time i ever see them is at the zoo, and i almost never go to the zoo.

@CE- The problem is that we were friends before this whole thing happened. its going to be difficult to distance myself from her.

@Dd- ok my doctor says virtual beer is fine.

btw thanks to everybody who contributed their wise and intelligent advice. oh and thanks to alll of you who contributed your not so wise or intelligent advice. j/k

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Sun Feb 17, 2002 12:48 pm

thanks to alll of you who contributed your not so wise or intelligent advice.

finally I get a little respect around here.

Sailor Saturn · Post by **Sailor Saturn** » Sun Feb 17, 2002 2:16 pm

Originally posted by Alienbob
The problem is that we were friends before this whole thing happened. its going to be difficult to distance myself from her.

I've been through something similar to this....twice. First with a girl named Jennifer who I had been friends with since 1st grade, and she was my girlfriend for almost as long(Yeah, i started young...). She dumped for some guy a few years ago. I tried to remain friends with her, which she said she wanted, but the guy she dumped me for would always twist what I said to the point that Jennifer stopped being my friend. I was devestated, not because she stopped being my girlfriend, but because she stopped being my friend.

The other is Random Shadow, whom I met in mid-2000. By the end of 2000, she was my girlfriend. Last summer, right after my birthday, she broke up with me, but we remained friends. We're still friends, and we plan on remaining friends. She has broken up with me two more times since then, though we never got back together, because my actions sometimes made her think I hadn't gotten over her yet; but this last time we talked it out and she understands that what is important to me is that we at least remain friends. I felt extremely hurt and torn up inside because of our break up, but at the same time I felt happy and excited because we were still friends.

"Romantic Love" can be found in a lot of places. Sometimes the love is more real than other times. But if you become close friends, then there is a bonding there created by the love of two friends. That friend-love can, eventually, lead to 'romantic love' as it did with my parents, or it may just stay 'friend-love' but get stronger and can handle more than mere 'romantic love' because it's unconditional love.

Der-draigen is right. If we don't take the risks, bad things won't happen. But Der-draigen left out the other side. If we dont' take the risks, then the good things can't happen.

Standing Outside The Fire by Garth Brooks

We call them cool
those hearts that have
no scars to show,
the ones who never do let go
and risk the tables being turned.
We call them fools
who have to dance
within the flame,
who chance the
sorrow and the shame,
that always comes
with getting burned.
But you've got to be tough
when consumed by desire,
cause it's not enough to
stand outside the fire.

We call them strong,
those who can face
this world alone,
who seem to get by
on their own,
those who will never take the fall.
We call them weak
who are unable to resist
the slightest chance love might exist
and for that forsake it all.
They're so hellbent on living,
walking a wire,
convinced it's not living
if you stand outside the fire.

Standing outside the fire.
standing outside the fire.
Life is not tried,
it is merely survived
if you're standing outside the fire.

There's this love that is burning,
deep in my soul,
constantly yurning
to get out of control,
wanting to fly,
higher and higher,
I can't abide,
standing outside the fire.

Standing outside the fire.
Standing outside the fire.
Life is not tried
it is merely survived
if you're standing outside the fire.

Standing outside the fire.
Standing outside the fire.
Life is not tried
it is merely survived
if you're standing outside the fire.

Standing outside the fire.
standing outside the fire.
life is not tried,
it is merely survived
if you're standing outside the fire.

Der-draigen · Post by **Der-draigen** » Sun Feb 17, 2002 3:40 pm

Originally posted by Sailor Saturn

"Romantic Love" can be found in a lot of places. Sometimes the love is more real than other times. But if you become close friends, then there is a bonding there created by the love of two friends. That friend-love can, eventually, lead to 'romantic love' as it did with my parents, or it may just stay 'friend-love' but get stronger and can handle more than mere 'romantic love' because it's unconditional love.

Yes...but there must be caution involved here as well...I believe friendship is integral to any intimate realtionship; however: Many people become involved with a friend, even marry a friend, thinking that because they have such a great relationship with this person, a romance will work out. But there's nothing there beyond the friendship, so it doesn't work out at all. In addition, friendship doesn't necessarily have to be unconditional. It's right when it is; but lots of friendships come with conditions attached.

Both aspects, unconditional friendship and passion, have to be present -- in both partners -- in order for the romance to succeed, IMO. And that combination is beyond rare.

Der-draigen is right. If we don't take the risks, bad things won't happen. But Der-draigen left out the other side. If we dont' take the risks, then the good things can't happen.

So which one do you know you're getting, that's my question. In my experience the things that looked good -- that looked the best -- really were "too good to be true." I'm done chasing after fool's gold.

*swigs beer*

fable · Post by **fable** » Sun Feb 17, 2002 3:54 pm

Originally posted by Der-draigen

So which one do you know you're getting, that's my question. In my experience the things that looked good -- that looked the best -- really were "too good to be true." I'm done chasing after fool's gold.

For now.

I lucked into that "too good to be true" relationship you refer to, above. My wife and I are best friends, and lovers. We're committed to one another, and to our relationship. Mind, I think getting to that is a lot harder when you're younger, because the goals tend to be shortterm and superficial: too many young guys are looking for a cheerleader, and too many young women are looking for a football jock. Then reality hits: cheerleaders typically have few interests outside their pompoms, and jocks don't usually make caring, thoughtful, thought-provoking partners.

So I usually suggest to younger friends (which, since I was born several thousand years ago, includes just about everybody) that they build a friendship first. Find common ground. Find areas to relate to that aren't the kind that are covered with clothing in public.

After that, if there isn't a spark of passion, everybody's still ahead by the sum of one friend. And if passion fails after it's tried, there's still that friend to hang around with. But if passion succeeds, you've hit the jackpot. It may not be happy for ever after, but the sky is above, the earth is below, and the jackpot is here and now.

Sailor Saturn · Post by **Sailor Saturn** » Sun Feb 17, 2002 4:18 pm

Originally posted by Der-draigen
So which one do you know you're getting, that's my question. In my experience the things that looked good -- that looked the best -- really were "too good to be true." I'm done chasing after fool's gold.

That's just it. You don't know what you're going to get until you try. I, personally, consider it worth it, even though I've yet to have a 'successful' relationship(though the majority ended because I moved away).

Gwalchmai · Post by **Gwalchmai** » Sun Feb 17, 2002 11:04 pm

Originally posted by Alienbob
@Gwally- ive never heard of anyone getting there foot bit off by a gila monster and it certainly has never happened to me. the only time i ever see them is at the zoo, and i almost never go to the zoo.

I was making an oblique joking reference to the Tucson Gila Monsters, of the West Coast Hockey League. I think they are a double-A farm team for the NHL. Just one of my jokes that bit the big one. Nothing serious.

Alienbob · Post by **Alienbob** » Sun Feb 17, 2002 11:42 pm

Tuscon Gila Monsters? never heard of em. of course i dont go to Tuscon much......well ok ive never been to Tuscon .

Der-draigen · Post by **Der-draigen** » Mon Feb 18, 2002 9:46 am

Originally posted by fable

For now.

You know so much about me and my situation.

Sailor Saturn · Post by **Sailor Saturn** » Mon Feb 18, 2002 9:50 am

Originally posted by Alienbob
Tuscon Gila Monsters? never heard of em. of course i dont go to Tuscon much......well ok ive never been to Tuscon .

Don't worry. I've been to Tucson several times, but haven't heard of the Tucson Gila Monsters either.

T'lainya · Post by **T'lainya** » Mon Feb 18, 2002 2:39 pm

Actually the Tucson Gila Monsters went out of business after 2 seasons. The WHL was supposed to put a team in but they would-be-owner didn't have enough backing.

Gwalchmai · Post by **Gwalchmai** » Mon Feb 18, 2002 11:09 pm

Originally posted by T'lainya
Actually the Tucson Gila Monsters went out of business after 2 seasons. The WHL was supposed to put a team in but they would-be-owner didn't have enough backing.

Ah, well, what I know about Hockey could fill a.... nothing.

I just remember seeing the billboards around town for a while. I was always mystified that a hockey team could exist here.... what with our 115° Summers and all....

Sailor Saturn · Post by **Sailor Saturn** » Mon Feb 18, 2002 11:35 pm

Originally posted by Gwalchmai

Ah, well, what I know about Hockey could fill a.... nothing. I just remember seeing the billboards around town for a while. I was always mystified that a hockey team could exist here.... what with our 115° Summers and all....

IIRC, there's a hockey team in Phoenix.

It took a few months, but I think I figured out how they manage it. They greatly limit how much ice you get in your ice tea at restaurants, thus conserving ice for use at the hockey games.

Alienbob · Post by **Alienbob** » Tue Feb 19, 2002 5:12 pm

i always thought they shipped all the ice from Flagstaff.