English As She is Spoke

fable · Post by **fable** » Thu Feb 14, 2002 11:32 am

There was a book published in 1883 with the title, "English As She is Spoke." It was purportedly by one Pedro Carolino, who was Portugese, and may be called the worst phrasebook ever written. What most people don't bother to find out is that the book was actually written by an American journalist as a satire. Regardless, I think it's one of the funniest things in the language, particularly if you sit and figure out how some of the strangest results originated. Here are a few excerpts:

FAMILIAR PHRASES

Go to send for.
Have you say that?
Have you understand that he says?
At what purpose have say so?
Put your confidence in my.
At what o'clock dine him?
Apply you at the study during that you are young.
Dress your hairs.
Sing an area.
These apricots and these peaches make me and to come water in the mouth.
How do you can it to deny?
Wax my shoes.
This is that I have think.
That are the dishes whose you must be and to abstain.
This meat ist not too over do.
This ink is white.
This room is filled of bugs.
This girl have a beauty edge.
It is a noise which to cleave the head.
This wood is full of thief's.
Tell me, it can one to know?
Give me some good milk newly get out.
To morrow hi shall be entirely (her master) or unoccupied.
She do not that to talk and to cackle.
Dry this wine.
He laughs at my nose, he jest by me.
He has spit in my coat.
He has me take out my hairs.
He does me some kicks.
He has scratch the face with hers nails.
He burns one's self the brains.
He is valuable his weight's gold.
He has the world for to laugh.
He do the devil at four.
He make to weep the room.
He was fighted in duel.
They fight one's selfs together.
He do want to fall.
It must never to laugh of the unhappies.

FAMILIAR DIALOGUES

For to see the town.

Anthony, go to accompany they gentilsmen, do they see the town.
We won't to see all that is it remarquable here.
Admire this master piece gothic architecture's.
The chasing of all they figures is astonishing indeed.
The streets are very layed out by line and too paved.
There is it also hospitals here?
It not fail them.
What are then the edifices the worthest to have seen?
It is the arsnehal, the spectacle's hall, the cusiom-house and the Purse.
We are going too see the others monuments such that the public pawnbroker's office, the plants garden's the money office's, the library.

To inform one'self of a person.

How is that gentilman who you did speak by and by.
Is a German.
Tongh he is German, he speak so much well italyan, french, spanish, and english, that among the Italyans, they believe him Italyan, he speak the frenche as the Frenches himselves. The Spanishesmen belie ve him Spanishing, and the Englishes, Englisman.
It is difficult to enjoy well so much several languages.

Yshania · Post by **Yshania** » Thu Feb 14, 2002 11:37 am

*looks for a curdled brain smilie* did you actually read this book?

fable · Post by **fable** » Thu Feb 14, 2002 11:50 am

Sure is! Cannot you for telling?

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Thu Feb 14, 2002 12:44 pm

So where is the bad engilsh? I haven't seen anything written here that I don't already speakeded

Yshania · Post by **Yshania** » Thu Feb 14, 2002 12:49 pm

Originally posted by fable

Sure is! Cannot you for telling?

Silly be me, of can I course!

Yshania · Post by **Yshania** » Thu Feb 14, 2002 12:52 pm

Originally posted by Bloodstalker

So where is the bad engilsh? I haven't seen anything written here that I don't already speakeded

*sigh* there is some people who just can never talk proper!

HighLordDave · Post by **HighLordDave** » Thu Feb 14, 2002 12:56 pm

One of my pet peeves

I hate it when people say "The data is . . . "

fable · Post by **fable** » Thu Feb 14, 2002 12:56 pm

Originally posted by Yshania

*sigh* there is some people who just can never talk proper!

Complete! Who can you do, then?

Yshania · Post by **Yshania** » Thu Feb 14, 2002 4:42 pm

Originally posted by fable

Complete! Who can you do, then?

A Max Wall, I do good impersonate

Der-draigen · Post by **Der-draigen** » Thu Feb 14, 2002 5:55 pm

A couple of my own favorite phrases:

1.) "Throw me out the window my lunch." This can also be adapted to things like "Toss me downstairs the laundry," etc.

2.) "There they were, gone." Variation: "She was found missing." While not necessarily bad English, this is rather amusing

Minerva · Post by **Minerva** » Thu Feb 14, 2002 6:09 pm

Originally posted by Yshania

A Max Wall, I do good impersonate

John Prescott?

Honestly, I was amazed to find fable is interested in and pays attention to our beloved deputy PM....

Morlock · Post by **Morlock** » Thu Feb 14, 2002 6:11 pm

Reminds of Sheriff Rotingham in "Robin Hood men in tights":

"Over that boy hand!"
"I mean, hand over that boy!"

"He deered to kill the king dare"
"(I mean) dared to kill the kings deer"

"I'll pay for this!"
"(I mean) you'l pay for this!"

but yours is good too...

Kayless · Post by **Kayless** » Thu Feb 14, 2002 6:42 pm

ROTFLMAO

This is almost as bad as the infamous Zero Wing intro.
"All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction."
"What you say !!"
"You have no chance to survive make your time. HA HA HA HA .... "

fable · Post by **fable** » Thu Feb 14, 2002 7:40 pm

The best one was from Woody Allen's first (and generally pretty bad) film, a grade B Japanese action flick that he redubbed with his pals. There's one scene where the main evil guy yells to his thugs, "Well, after him! That's Wong Fool, you fats!"

They just stare.

"I mean, that's Wong Fat, you fools!" They run.

fable · Post by **fable** » Thu Feb 14, 2002 7:40 pm

Originally posted by Minerva

John Prescott?

Honestly, I was amazed to find fable is interested in and pays attention to our beloved deputy PM....

Che?

Craig · Post by **Craig** » Fri Feb 15, 2002 2:11 am

Whats bad with that?

Minerva · Post by **Minerva** » Fri Feb 15, 2002 8:31 am

Originally posted by fable

Che?

Che!? OMG! Please don't tell me you've written the list without listening to John Prescott!

He's the Deputy Prime Minister of UK. He English speak in like English As She Is Spoke.

(I chose the <color=red>, because he's a Labour politician, unlike Tony Blair, who prefers much blue-ish colour.--- I know only British people can understand what I'm talking about... Maybe not.

)

Mr Sleep · Post by **Mr Sleep** » Fri Feb 15, 2002 8:40 am

Originally posted by Minerva
(I chose the <color=red>, because he's a Labour politician, unlike Tony Blair, who prefers much blue-ish colour.--- I know only British people can understand what I'm talking about... Maybe not. )

Indeed i do

How very true

KidD01 · Post by **KidD01** » Fri Feb 15, 2002 2:15 pm

It's terrible English allright, but you gotta hear those Singaporeans - they speak a real horrible English, especially the old peeps. Count on it !

PS : I don't mean to insult anyone but simply stating the fact

fable · Post by **fable** » Fri Feb 15, 2002 3:31 pm

Originally posted by Minerva

Che!? OMG! Please don't tell me you've written the list without listening to John Prescott!

He's the Deputy Prime Minister of UK. He English speak in like English As She Is Spoke.

(I chose the <color=red>, because he's a Labour politician, unlike Tony Blair, who prefers much blue-ish colour.--- I know only British people can understand what I'm talking about... Maybe not. )

Ah, I gotcha.

I may well have heard Prescott on the Beeb, but usually they stick to Blair.