The Church of the SubGenius

VoodooDali · Post by **VoodooDali** » Thu Feb 07, 2002 9:56 pm

The World Ends Tomorrow and YOU MAY DIE!

Well, no, probably not...but whatever you do, just keep reading!

ARE WE CONTROLLED BY SECRET FORCES?
ARE ALIEN SPACE MONSTERS BRINGING A STARTLING NEW WORLD?
DO PEOPLE THINK YOU'RE STRANGE?
DO YOU??
...THEN YOU MAY BE ON THE RIGHT TRACK!

"Unpredictables" are not alone and possess amazing hidden powers of their own!

Are You Adnormal?

Then you are probably better than most people!

YES! YOUR KIND SHALL TRIUMPH!

If you are what they call "different" --
If you think we're entering a new Dark Ages --
If you see the universe as one vast morbid sense of humor --
If you are looking for an inherently bogus religion that will condone superior degeneracy and tell you that you are "above" everyone else --
If you can help us with a donation --

then

The Church of the SubGenius (TM)

could save your sanity!

"You'd PAY to know what you REALLY think." --Dobbs 1961

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Thu Feb 07, 2002 10:04 pm

My God, the sheer scamminess of this .......it's such a lovely sight.

In fact, it inspires me to work on yet another get rich quick scheme.

Thank You!!

VoodooDali · Post by **VoodooDali** » Thu Feb 07, 2002 10:11 pm

Oh, but Bob Dobbs and the Church of the SubGenius (TM) are REAL.

I am merely a minister.

You may visit their websitehttp://www.subgenius.com/index.html

You, too, could be a minister for the Church of the SubGenius (TM).

The SubGenius material has only recently been made public. This is YOUR chance to get in on the ground floor of a huge, lucrative cult -- NOW, while rates are low. You will then be eligible for all the $$$, weird sex, and SHEER POWER OVER OTHERS that go with high-ranking membership in the Church.

Overcome shyness and guilt with this fantastic replacement for a huge penis or "perfect" breasts. Read THE STARK FIST OF REMOVAL and learn not only the Word of Dobbs but also ways to contact, buy from, and sell to the incredible (yet real!!) network of SubGenii and subsymps everywhere. Learn of local revivals, other secret societies, UNUSUAL PRODUCTS, Other Mutants. THIS IS NO FAKE. Puts you "in charge" of your life.

You get:

Subscription to four STARK FISTS
(they're full of rants, art, Prescriptures, doctrine, charts, filth, comics, reviews and CHURCH NEWS & CONTACTS)

Pamphlets #1 & 2,

Catalog

The Divine Excuse
(WHAT OTHER RELIGIONS CHARGE ALL WORLDLY GOODS FOR!!!)

Doktorate of Forbidden Sciences
(be a Doktor INSTANTLY. Incredible, sinister super-miniaturized fine print details all the scores of Church Ranks and Titles from which YOU can CHOOSE. Signed by... "Bob;")

Propaganda flyers to copy, Stickers

Wallet sized, SubGenius MINISTER'S CARD.
(Without that card you have NO HOPE on July 5th!!!)
This is the only way to get on the Mailing List of the Chosen, pierce the shroud of secrecy insulating the cult, and obtain such privileges as befit membership in a secret society of this scope. And all of it, including the surgery, can be done BY MAIL. Everything is kept STRICTLYCONFIDENTIAL (unless you want your local Clench listed). And don't worry about the diseases -- they're part of the satire, too!

All for only $30.

Aegis · Post by **Aegis** » Thu Feb 07, 2002 10:47 pm

Weasel would be proud.

fable · Post by **fable** » Thu Feb 07, 2002 11:11 pm

I suppose this is my cue to yell "Hail, Eris!" then bolt for the virtual door as the universe implodes.

VoodooDali · Post by **VoodooDali** » Thu Feb 07, 2002 11:13 pm