interracial relationships

[HighLordDave]

Before I begin, I would like to request that this thread steer clear of spam, please. Thanks in advance.

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At our Turkey Day dinner the family had a spirited discussion about interracial relationships. One topic of the discussion was when you see an interracial couple, why is it usually a white girl with an ethnic guy. Only rarely do you see a white guy with an ethnic girl. Why do you think this is? For our friends outside of the United States, is this a phenomenon unique to Americans or is it worldwide?

[fable]

I tend to suspect that women circulate more freely in society, because they're not perceived as a threat: the "other" is claiming a job that belongs to "one of us," etc. Invidious as this is, I think that black men have a higher individual profile in while society, as a result. Publicized crimes by black males may also contribute to this.

Incidentally, this issue touches me personally, in a way. I am white (though hardly Anglo Saxon) and was engaged for a couple of years to a black woman--approximately twenty years ago, and down in Dallas, Texas. Ultimately, it fell through, because I got a job that required I move halfway across the US, and she chose to stay with her family. (Southern black families in particular tend to be very close.)

We did not face much open discrimination in Dallas--the occasional snide comment, or the jukebox that invariably played the Rolling Stones' "Black Sugar" when we were in a pizza joint aside. I do remember one security guard at a mall who was so upset with us being together that he pulled out his gun and started screaming, but that was a single exception.

[C Elegans]

Pure speculation: In many cultures that are represented in the Western world as ethic minorities, the female gender role might be less "emancipated" and independant from men than in the Western culture in general. Perhaps it's more difficult for an "ethnic" girl (depends of what ethnic background of course) to be allowed by her parents to see a white guy?

In Sweden, I haven't noticed any gender difference in inter-ethnic relationships. My speculations above are based on what I know about the social situation for many girls in Sweden who come from immigrant families where the parents do not accept that their daugthers want to live like white Swedish women. But perhaps this reasoning is not applicable to the US, I have no idea.

[Maharlika]

Quite the opposite here in Thailand and in the Philippines. We see more male foreigners with the local women than the other way around.

It's obvious at first glance since GENERALLY the women see these foreigners as a ticket out of their hard life. Of course this cannot be made a sweeping statement AFA the reason (behind the relationship) is concerned.

That's one of the angst my American and British friends here are feeling. They would like to look at their women with love in their eyes and not the dollar or pound symbol in them.

I used to have dates with caucasian women here in Thailand and more often than not I would get some quizzical looks from the locals (for people who dont know me, they would think I'm Thai too). Local males tend to see as having a caucasian gf as some conquest or trophy to display --- a mark of their prowess.

[Vinin]

Well personally I don't see a lot of interracial dating around my area here in New Jersey. Sure being chinese I dated one or two "white" girls, but usually people of my ethnicity tend to stray towards chinese girls. I don't know why that is around here.

However it may be the fact that I'm constantly pressed upon to marry a chinese girl as they will be better for me. mainly thats because i think chinese people in general like to keep their ethnicity within their family and not change it. Thus my Jap-Russian friend is frowned upon when I hang out wit her. Jus my thoughts.

[ThorinOakensfield]

Well like Vinnin said thats the way it works in NJ.
But a whiel ago i was dating a white girl, i'm asian for a few months. Nice time. Its over now, time to move on, sigh.

And now she's one of the most popular girls in my grade. I get respect.

[ 11-29-1991: Message edited by: God ]

[ 11-29-2001: Message edited by: ThorinOakensfield ]

[fable]

[ 11-29-1991: Message edited by: God ]

[ 11-29-2001: Message edited by: ThorinOakensfield ]

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I AM GOD

You are delusional, but I like that.

[HighLordDave]

Originally posted by Vinin:
<STRONG>However it may be the fact that I'm constantly pressed upon to marry a chinese girl as they will be better for me. mainly thats because i think chinese people in general like to keep their ethnicity within their family and not change it.</STRONG>

I had a roommate in college who was Chinese, and he said that asians in general are some of the most racist cultures on the planet. Not in the supremecist mold of the Aryan Nation but from a perspective of arrogance.

His parents emmigrated to the United States in the late 1960s and he was born and raised in north Florida. While his folks embraced America, they disapproved of him dating white girls and were constantly trying to set him up with a "proper" wife. He claimed that asians in general look down upon those who are not asian, and even those who are of a different ethnic stock, as not having been blessed by the gods to be (insert ethnic group here).

He said that this was the reason why amer-asian children born to American servicemen and tourists overseas (especially in Korea and Okinawa, but also in Vietnam back during the war) are almost always given to an orphanage unless the parents are married. He said that the family was so ashamed of a racially mixed child that they would banish it rather than raise the child at home. I guess that explains why there are always seems to be a large supply of asian children ready to be adopted by American parents.

[fable]

His parents emmigrated to the United States in the late 1960s and he was born and raised in north Florida. While his folks embraced America, they disapproved of him dating white girls and were constantly trying to set him up with a "proper" wife. He claimed that asians in general look down upon those who are not asian, and even those who are of a different ethnic stock, as not having been blessed by the gods to be (insert ethnic group here).

This is very true, and is also one of the worst kept secrets in tourism and industry. Anyone who views Asians as smiling, friendly, kowtowing, ever submissive people would do well to the read a good, unbiased account of early missionaries in China, or the so-called Boxer Rebellion, or the explicitly licensed troop behavior of the Japanese Imperial Navy and Army during WWII. I am not suggesting these were typical examples of behavior drawn from the overall culture, but that the extreme nationalistic pride of some of these sub-cultures is often disguised beneath layers of social protocol and ritualized behavior that creates a false impression in largely oblivious foreigners.

[HighLordDave]

My roommate told me that there were two basic roots to asian racism: paternalism and anger. He explained that asian culture, much of which is ultimately descended from Chinese, views the west and others as being "young" while the Chinese can trace their cultural roots back 4,000 years or so. This cultural chauvanism causes them to look down on the "upstarts" and even other asians who have "lost their way" such as the Vietnamese and Thais (the asian equivalent of a hillbilly culture).

He also claimed that asians are generally angry about the way they were treated by the British, French, Germans, Russians and Americans in the 19th century and it manifests itself in the way they treat outsiders. Generally speaking the racism is not noticed by westerners, who asians view as being too dense to grasp the intricacies of "proper" social interaction, but it's a good bet that a westerner will pay two or three times as much for goods and services than a local asian will.

[Quark]

The gender issue is actually well established in the US.

I can't give you exact figures (I don't have my Sociology book on me right now), but the figures for white/black couples is highly lopsided towards black male/white female.

There was tons of speculation in the book as to why this could be - but that was all pure speculation, so it's not really worth anything.

An addition: Black females have a higher percentage of being (and staying) single.

[ 11-30-2001: Message edited by: Quark ]

[Gwalchmai]

Interestingly, my brother’s experience with his current Vietnamese g/f is echoing some of the views on Asian behavior expressed in this thread. She is divorced, which apparently means that she is now expected to never re-marry and to take care of her parents for the rest of her life. The fact that she is ‘shirking’ her responsibilities by seriously dating my Caucasian brother gives her family and Asian friends great consternation. My brother has mitigated their fears somewhat by doing his best to learn the language, and observing holidays with her family. But there is still an underlying disapproval of their relationship. My brother has recently moved, due to a job opportunity, and his g/f is more than willing to move with him. But the pressure from her family is so great that she hasn’t been able to get away, and I doubt that she ever will.

It is important to note that I’ve seen many interracial relationships involving Asians that work well and are supported by both families. The possible trends mentioned in this thread concerning Asian attitudes toward interracial relationships may or may not be true. But they seem to speak for strong family values and deep cultural histories that many of us may be lacking in Caucasian circles. Consequently, we may have a harder time understanding them.

[JosephCSu]

I am an Asian also. I thought the answer is simple. White women are considered inferior wives by Asian standard. Wives suppose to stay home to cook, take care of kids, wash dishes, and etc... and always agree with husband without complain. White women however will challenge Asian male dominant society so most parents don't want their sons to marry white women. Asian families however don't really care about what happen to their daughtor because females are not considered part of the family once they get married so they don't care if they date white guys. My sister did marry to a white guy and my parents don't care. They just want to me find an Asian women.

[Vinin]

Wow a lot chinese and Pacific countries here. To add to before, My parents frown upon any Japenese that enter our sight. It is something they grew up with, and now in our culture around ehre, it is disapproving to eb jap in birth, thus there are chinese gangs fighting japanese gangs.

Our long history does I think give us a more stable culture. I mean after all in our society family is the most importent thing in life, not anything else. With most caucasion familys i see, friends adn love are more importent than the family. Thats an issue that I strongly believe caucasions should adopt, it is a dundemental of society, or it should be. To us caucasion children are so incredibly rowdy adn dishonerable that they are seen badly in our eyes. Thus this may be why many male asian do not date caucsion women, becasue we are taught from birth that they are too rowdy to be a stable wife.

Also welcome to the boards Viagra Boy