Your Love definition

scully1 · Post by **scully1** » Sun Jul 01, 2001 6:57 am

Originally posted by C Elegans:
But, we shall not forget that romance and traditional couple relationships are not the way to happiness. Some people chose to live as singles by rational choice because it suits them, and that does not mean they fear intimate relationships or can't get really happy. I believe the key question here is if you are chosing towards or away from something. Chosing to avoid things out of fear will create limits in your life. Chosing towards things you want to have, will not.

*wild applause*

Georgi · Post by **Georgi** » Sun Jul 01, 2001 7:10 am

Originally posted by C Elegans
Chosing to avoid things out of fear will create limits in your life.

Originally posted by Loner72:
I hate falling. Especially from great heights. It hurts, and there's always a good chance of breaking things that take ages to mend, and some things never mend properly at all...

Hmmmmm.....

scully1 · Post by **scully1** » Sun Jul 01, 2001 7:13 am

Well, I don't mind if a limitation keeps me from breaking my neck...

Georgi · Post by **Georgi** » Sun Jul 01, 2001 7:25 am

@Loner It just sounds to me more like you are avoiding through fear, rather than choosing to be single because you want to be.

scully1 · Post by **scully1** » Sun Jul 01, 2001 7:34 am

Why not both? Can't I want to remain single in order to avoid catastrophe? That sounds like fear but isn't it really wanting to be all right?

You know, I study martial arts for self-defense. Becasue I'm afraid of getting physically attacked and hurt. And people tell me that's smart. But when I say I'm protecting myself emotionally, because I'm afraid of getting emotionally hurt, peopel say that's not healthy. Is something wrong with this picture?...Can someone explain this to me?...

Waverly · Post by **Waverly** » Sun Jul 01, 2001 7:35 am

Originally posted by loner72:
Well, I don't mind if a limitation keeps me from breaking my neck...

1-It's only a risk of a broken neck, not a guarantee; and better the risk than to live in fear IMHO.
2-You forget that even if you get emotionally bruised, you are still a whole, independant person. No outsider can ever take that away from you, and they can never take a piece of you with them. That being the case, you can always recover.

Craig · Post by **Craig** » Sun Jul 01, 2001 7:40 am

That does it, I'm moving to Sweden. Do you have a sister?

Triplets?

Craig · Post by **Craig** » Sun Jul 01, 2001 7:47 am

Originally posted by Loner72:
I hate falling. Especially from great heights. It hurts, and there's always a good chance of breaking things that take ages to mend, and some things never mend properly at all...

I just get up and try the next one, be it bigger or smaller imj a brave person no sobb sobb NOO it wasn't ment to be.

scully1 · Post by **scully1** » Sun Jul 01, 2001 9:16 am

Originally posted by Waverly:
2-You forget that even if you get emotionally bruised, you are still a whole, independant person. No outsider can ever take that away from you, and they can never take a piece of you with them. That being the case, you can always recover.

I'm not forgetting that at all, Wave. Is one not a whole, independent person after being physically assaulted? I'd say yes. So my question is: why is is smart to take steps to protect one's physical being, but unhealthy for one to take steps to protect one's emotional being? I find that discrepancy confusing.

One may recover from being "emotionally bruised," to quote your phrase; but perhaps not from being emotionally broken. And I'm not sure people don't take pieces of you with them when they leave. If not, what was it all for?...

Waverly · Post by **Waverly** » Sun Jul 01, 2001 9:21 am

@Loner: I don't think you can be convinced, at least not today. But I'll say this: I don't want to be physically injured, to use your analogy, still I don't lock myself in my house. I play hard, engage in sports, enjoy myself, and call the risks 'acceptable'.

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Sun Jul 01, 2001 9:27 am

Originally posted by Waverly:
@CE A lobotomy? No thanks, I already have one

I know, that's what I found out. No lunch for me

scully1 · Post by **scully1** » Sun Jul 01, 2001 9:29 am

@Waverly: Yeah, I'm one to talk, huh? Going out getting thrown all over the dojo practically every day...

Waverly · Post by **Waverly** » Sun Jul 01, 2001 9:31 am

Originally posted by loner72:
@Waverly: Yeah, I'm one to talk, huh? Going out getting thrown all over the dojo practically every day...

OK then, would you ever give it up because you didn't want to risk a break or a sprain? I bet not... and that's good.

scully1 · Post by **scully1** » Sun Jul 01, 2001 9:38 am

No I would not. In fact I'd be proud of the injury. I would be terrified of doing the same thing again though; but I still would try to conquer the fear and keep training...

Now my world is all askew

Waverly · Post by **Waverly** » Sun Jul 01, 2001 9:40 am

Erm... I'm not a real therapist... still, I don't think I have led you astray dispite your confusion. In all seriousness, give it some thought.

edit: Maybe if CE is still around she can help me out.. or tell you not to listen to me as the case may be...

[ 07-01-2001: Message edited by: Waverly ]

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Sun Jul 01, 2001 9:49 am

Originally posted by loner72:
Why not both? Can't I want to remain single in order to avoid catastrophe? That sounds like fear but isn't it really wanting to be all right?

Of cause it can be both at the same time. The line between healthy self preservation and limiting fear is very vague, and of course differes greatly from person to person. Only you and people who know you very well can know this, we others can merely speculate

You know, I study martial arts for self-defense. Becasue I'm afraid of getting physically attacked and hurt. And people tell me that's smart. But when I say I'm protecting myself emotionally, because I'm afraid of getting emotionally hurt, peopel say that's not healthy. Is something wrong with this picture?...Can someone explain this to me?...

There is not necessarily a difference, but if there is I would put it like this: studying martial arts does not harm you or decrease your chances of being happy and live a full life. You lose only time and sweat, the rest in gain (physical fitness, fun, possibility of defending yourself etc)
Emotional precautions is often more difficult to take. We can protect ourselves emotionally by "switching off" painful emotions, by avoiding situations where there is a risk we would suffer emotionally, or we can flee the situation as soon as we feel pain. Of these methods, the first in usually the most limiting for people.
Now, everything depends on what precautions you take, and how they affect you. If you were so afraid of being physically assaulted so you avoid going out to restaurants or movies, that would be limiting your life by fear.

Thus, my conclusion is that in studying martial arts, you do not deprive yourself of anything. In protecting yourself emotionally, there might be something you do take away from yourself. I think it's good for everyone to live as singles, at least for periods, and after shattering experince, I don't think it's good to rush into the next relationsship. But healing is a process, and when the worst is over, I believe we should not rule out future relationships but stay flexible and open, even if not actively seeking a relationsship.

scully1 · Post by **scully1** » Sun Jul 01, 2001 9:53 am

Originally posted by C Elegans:
Thus, my conclusion is that in studying martial arts, you do not deprive yourself of anything. In protecting yourself emotionally, there might be something you do take away from yourself.

Hmmmm...

*Loner sits on floor of tower and begins attempting to unravel twisted knot of her own thought processes...*

[ 07-01-2001: Message edited by: loner72 ]

KramoR · Post by **KramoR** » Sun Jul 01, 2001 9:58 am

I always like the crushing impact, of jamming someone into the boards. Or a good open ice hit, on someone who isn't paying attention.

scully1 · Post by **scully1** » Sun Jul 01, 2001 9:59 am

Originally posted by KramoR:
I always like the crushing impact, of jamming someone into the boards. Or a good open ice hit, on someone who isn't paying attention.

Oooooo-kaaaaayy...

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Sun Jul 01, 2001 10:00 am

Sometimes I wonder if the reason we (as in the rhetorical "we") have such a difficult time with relationships is because natural urges are at odds with social expectations. Put another way, is monogamy a social construct? I recognize that other species form long term monogamous attatchments, but isn't this the exception rather than the norm? No doubt I'm letting myself in for some serious flames here

, but just idle speculation on my part and I was wondering what people thought.