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Female Drivers

Anything goes... just keep it clean.
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Vehemence
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Female Drivers

Post by Vehemence »

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive on the shoulder. This evidently pissed the driver off enough that he hung out his window and flipped the woman off. "Man, that guy is stupid" I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here's why.

I drive 38 miles each way, every day, to work. That's 76 miles, of these, 16 each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway. So, if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane. That's 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars. Even though the rest of the 34 miles is not bumper-to-bumper. I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day. Statistically half of these are driven by females, that's 18,000. In any given group of females, 1 in 28 are having the worst day of their period. That is 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding, that's 449. According to the National Institutes of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide, that's 98. And, 34% describe men as their biggest problem, that's 33. According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons, and the number is increasing.

That means, that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, is having the worst day of her period, and is armed.

No matter what she does in traffic, I wouldn't DREAM of flipping her off.
Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
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ThorinOakensfield
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Post by ThorinOakensfield »

@Vehemence: Take the train .
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Weasel
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Post by Weasel »

LMAO :D :D :D
"Vile and evil, yes. But, That's Weasel" From BS's book, MD 20/20: Fine Wines of Rocky Flop.
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fable
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Post by fable »

Good one. Where did you find it, @Vehemence? :)
To the Righteous belong the fruits of violent victory. The rest of us will have to settle for warm friends, warm lovers, and a wink from a quietly supportive universe.
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Georgi
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Post by Georgi »

LOL :D
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Vehemence
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Post by Vehemence »

Originally posted by fable:
<STRONG>Good one. Where did you find it, @Vehemence? :) </STRONG>
One day when I leave this place for the open plains of Spam, I'll reveal my source :) But no sooner ;) :D
Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
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josh
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Post by josh »

LOL :D

Seems to me that you've got a large book of jokes beside your computer, but I could be wrong.
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Georgi
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Post by Georgi »

Originally posted by josh:
<STRONG>LOL :D

Seems to me that you've got a large book of jokes beside your computer, but I could be wrong.</STRONG>
You don't reckon he bothers to type all this stuff out, do you? :rolleyes: Nah, he's a cut-'n'-paster if ever I saw one... ;) :D ;)
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Vehemence
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Post by Vehemence »

Originally posted by Georgi:
<STRONG>You don't reckon he bothers to type all this stuff out, do you? :rolleyes: Nah, he's a cut-'n'-paster if ever I saw one... ;) :D ;) </STRONG>
Ah, you know me too well :p
Ah, you know me too well :p
Ah, you know me too well :p

:D
Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
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Aegis
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Post by Aegis »

Heh.... How would you know who that one woman is?

:D

Very funny...
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