Since we're getting a lot of list topics, I thought I'd create a sort of Uber-List where we can post nonsense we find everywhere. Here's something I discovered on the Web, and think is fun:
The Star Wars Zodiac
ARIES - The Emperor. The Emperor has demonstrated his liking to inflict pain on people just as people born under the sign Aries often do. He feels he is at the center of the universe and he must be in control. He enjoys being a leader and his aggression and quick-tempered attitude also helps him with this.
TAURUS - Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a dependable creature but he can tend to be stubborn. He likes material possessions and loves to win at games. He tends to hate being bossed around or losing and he may succumb to his physical strength when upset.
GEMINI - Ewok. Ewoks are playful little creatures as are Gemini's. They tend to be extremely curious, craving knowledge but sometimes having short attention spans. For the most part they are charming and lovable beings but they can seem scattered and high-strung at times.
CANCER - Luke Skywalker. Luke seemed to be somewhat whinny sometimes but he eventually developed the thick hard shell of a Cancer. He is strong willed and persistent to let what he wants. He never shys away from a fight at the first sign of danger. Not to mention he began to master the element of mind manipulation.
LEO - Princess Leia. Leia adds a whole new meaning to high self-assurance which is evident in Leos. She is a nurturing person with great physical strength Like many Leos she will see that her mission for good is ompleted and she is very optimistic about the outcome.
VIRGO - C3P0. C3P0 shows his efficiency when working for a good cause but he tends to be a little bit fussy when it comes to doing something out of the ordinary. Like many Virgos he wants to stay out of the spotlight and he does well at picking up minute details.
LIBRA - Obi Wan Kenobi. As always, Obi Wan continues forward in his pursuit of justice and he is determined to succeed. He conveys his art of persuasion through the force. He displays his supreme intelligence and is very talented in obtaining balance between himself and his surroundings.
SCORPIO - Han Solo. Han is a powerful character. He also tends to be possessive and lusty which would explain Han's greedy nature. He feels threatened by Leia's attempt to order him around which displays the disliking Scorpios have for people who try to control them. He is often prone to suspicion and jealousy as seen in "The Empire Strikes Back." However, his resilience and passion lead him to get what he wants.
SAGITTARIUS - Yoda. Yoda is superbly wise and he has been known to spread this wisdom widely. He seems to be impatient and pushy when people take his teachings too lightly. As always his philosophical side always peeks through.
CAPRICORN - R2D2. R2's ambition and inexhaustible desire to reach their goals/destination. He is a very loyal, sometimes going to great lengths to help someone out. He is a very social unit winning the hearts of many with his cute personality.
AQUARIUS - Darth Vader. Vader can be cruel and torment people who disagree with him but deep down there is a peace loving, friendly side to him. He has a knack for inflicting pain on people and he uses his intellect during battle
PISCES - Lando Calrissian. Lando is the typical character with his head in the clouds. He is self-sacrificing but may be too passive to stand up to Vader. He became fairly pessimistic when put under pressure. He also poses as a chameleon wanting to change his scenery on occasion.
And this one's even better:
How many of your sign
does it take to change a light bulb?
Aries: Just one. You want to make something of it?
Taurus: One, but just try to convince them that the burned-out one is useless and should be thrown away.
Gemini: Two, one to get the new bulb, one to hold the ladder, one to change the bulb and one to get rid of the old bulb.
Cancer: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grief process.
Leo: Leos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they're out. (Alternate answer: 12, one to do it and 11 to applaud)
Virgo: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- 1 millionth.
(Alternate answer: One to verify the wattage of the bulb, one to get the correct new bulb, one to make sure the 'new' bulb will really work, one to man the fuse box, one to get the ladder, one to safety check the ladder, one to hold the ladder, one to change the bulb (as verified above), one to verify that the bulb is actually burned out, one to properly dispose of the old bulb, and one to facilitate the critique.
Libra: Ummm, two. Or maybe one. No, on second thought, make that two. Is that OK with you?
Scorpio: None. Scorpio's like the dark.
Sagittarius: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?
Capricorn: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.
Aquarius: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so.....
Pisces: Light bulb? What light bulb?
Star Wars Astrology, and Other Stuff!
-
fable
- Posts: 30676
- Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2001 12:00 pm
- Location: The sun, the moon, and the stars.
- Contact:
Star Wars Astrology, and Other Stuff!
To the Righteous belong the fruits of violent victory. The rest of us will have to settle for warm friends, warm lovers, and a wink from a quietly supportive universe.
More doom to add to my chart.ARIES - The Emperor. The Emperor has demonstrated his liking to inflict pain on people just as people born under the sign Aries often do. He feels he is at the center of the universe and he must be in control. He enjoys being a leader and his aggression and quick-tempered attitude also helps him with this.
Aries: Just one. You want to make something of it?
"Vile and evil, yes. But, That's Weasel" From BS's book, MD 20/20: Fine Wines of Rocky Flop.
-
fable
- Posts: 30676
- Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2001 12:00 pm
- Location: The sun, the moon, and the stars.
- Contact:
Yep! I once did a satire on daily horoscopes a long time ago. Haven't seen it in a while, but it included this one, off the top of my head:Weasel writes:
More doom to add to my chart.
"Scorpios: You will not get a raise. You will not meet new friends. You will not discover new ideas. In fact, you will die. Now, leave me alone."
Charming stuff.
[ 06-14-2001: Message edited by: fable ]
To the Righteous belong the fruits of violent victory. The rest of us will have to settle for warm friends, warm lovers, and a wink from a quietly supportive universe.
Guess what,I'm with Leia
Proud SLURRite Assistant Scientist and Brewer of the Rolling Thunder (TM)- Visitors WELCOME !!!
[size=0](Feel free to join us for a drink, play some pool or even relax in a hottub - want to learn more? )[/size]
Progressing through life, one step at a time
[size=0](Feel free to join us for a drink, play some pool or even relax in a hottub - want to learn more? )[/size]
Progressing through life, one step at a time
Me? The emperor? But I don't walk like he does with the hands out in front...
Still, the emperor... cooool!
Still, the emperor... cooool!
Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
