Spare the rod, spoil the child.
I believe in spanking the child, but this must be followed immediately by PROCESSING (using the Art of Questioning). This is necessary and important so that the child will understand the reason behind such a punishment.
I would not want my son to act and behave just like Dudley Dursley in the Harry Potter series, among others. I want my son to see me too as a buddy without having to forget that I'm his father, first and foremost.
Of course, for me there should be a proper place (legs and/or gluteus maximus, no hitting the face and torso) and proper way to hit/spank a child, otherwise this process only ends up in child abuse.
Though corporal (sp?) punishment is frowned upon by most modern western societies (I think), cp is common among us Asians. Filial Piety (?), utmost respect for the elders is one trait very common in eastern societies.
My only misgiving is that immature adults misuse this responsibility therefore causing more than what is needed, resulting in child abuse.
What are your thoughts on this? How would you discipline your children? For the younger generation, how would you want your parents discipline you?
Child Discipline: Do you believe in spanking? (No Spam please)
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Maharlika
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Child Discipline: Do you believe in spanking? (No Spam please)
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It depends on each individual. Personally I don't think spanking have changed my behavior or my character at all. I was not a bad kid to begin with but I always get spanked for making silly mistakes. My parents always stress on "discipline". I think in modern society, discipline is overrated and is inpractical for a kid with my type of personality. Parents should emphasize more on creativity and spirituality.
Pro's and Con's either way,
Personally I almost (Repeat Almost) associate lack of discipline with ADD in children.
That said, threats from my mother always worked well
(being told you were about to be killed had that sort of effect on kids under 12yrs ).
But a spanking around the butt doesn't go astray. (aslong as there are no spikes on the belt )
But too much discipline also creates sly people, I've seen how children were made sly by their parents by not being able to do kid thing (to the point of not sitting still long enough).
But personally, I've had the cane all through primary (junior 6-12yrs) school and I (Think ) turned out OK, But my interpretation is that I got all the bad stuff out of me then I was a child so now I can't stand doing anything like what I used to get upto.
Personally I almost (Repeat Almost) associate lack of discipline with ADD in children.
That said, threats from my mother always worked well
(being told you were about to be killed had that sort of effect on kids under 12yrs ).But a spanking around the butt doesn't go astray. (aslong as there are no spikes on the belt
)But too much discipline also creates sly people, I've seen how children were made sly by their parents by not being able to do kid thing (to the point of not sitting still long enough).
But personally, I've had the cane all through primary (junior 6-12yrs) school and I (Think
) turned out OK, But my interpretation is that I got all the bad stuff out of me then I was a child so now I can't stand doing anything like what I used to get upto.The Present is an Illusion, The Future is a Dream and The Past is A Lie!
where did this tradition come from?? And why do you think it was removed from our schools 20 years ago....?
personally i think it does nothing and will only have negative affects...
anyone raised dogs?? Welp, if you have you know damn well that hitting your dog will bring only bad things...why is that? lot's of reasons why but i think many of them apply to children as well...dogs are best disiplined using scolding and removale of things they like..such as a toy. Children work the same way...no TV for a week will get you way farther than a five minute spanking...
btw...my mom stopped spanking me when i turned 13...she realized i was bigger than her and not going to take it Funny to think bout it now...i refused a spanking yet would take grounding...hmmmnnn children can be so confused
personally i think it does nothing and will only have negative affects...
anyone raised dogs?? Welp, if you have you know damn well that hitting your dog will bring only bad things...why is that? lot's of reasons why but i think many of them apply to children as well...dogs are best disiplined using scolding and removale of things they like..such as a toy. Children work the same way...no TV for a week will get you way farther than a five minute spanking...
btw...my mom stopped spanking me when i turned 13...she realized i was bigger than her and not going to take it
Funny to think bout it now...i refused a spanking yet would take grounding...hmmmnnn children can be so confused
I did use corporal punishment with my step-daughter when she was very young -- more of a swat on the backside than a spanking -- mostly because it is difficult to ground them when they are running out in front of a truck. I do not support at all using some form of physical object on a child or whaling away on them for an extended period of time. I do believe that discipline is critically important for both a child's socialization process and for their safety, but discipline in the form of setting boundaries, not in the form of establishing some sort of command agenda. It has always been my perspective that a child is entrusted to you... you do not own them and the person that you ultimately answer to is not the child but the adult they will become. When I needed to make a difficult decision, at times I would actually try to visualize that adult and process the situation with them. This worked well for me and helped me to offer my daughter choices and options as often as they were available.
Once a child is old enough to understand and tolerate other forms of discipline, such as time outs, restriction of privileges and the like, I think these are much more sophisticated. I worked on a psych unit with very young children and we never spanked even the most out of control, psychotic child. A simple basket hold is much more effective. Raising a child is not about power or domination. It is about the experience and expression of love....
Once a child is old enough to understand and tolerate other forms of discipline, such as time outs, restriction of privileges and the like, I think these are much more sophisticated. I worked on a psych unit with very young children and we never spanked even the most out of control, psychotic child. A simple basket hold is much more effective. Raising a child is not about power or domination. It is about the experience and expression of love....
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Absence is to love what wind is to fire... it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.
Never been hit.
And look at the shining example of a good human i have become!
But i never been hit and i will never hit my children.
However i will hit someone who does hit my child, be it a teacher or anybody else.
Only the family has the right IMO to hit a child.
And look at the shining example of a good human i have become!
But i never been hit and i will never hit my children.
However i will hit someone who does hit my child, be it a teacher or anybody else.
Only the family has the right IMO to hit a child.
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Yshania
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IMHO there is a difference between punishing and disciplining. One being an immediate reaction to a given incident, the other offering long term guidance towards acceptable behaviour.
I believe that boundaries should be set, that children should be aware of these boundaries, and encouraged to stay within them. I do not believe in hitting. I remember an old adage that went along the lines of 'shouting at a child is like trying to steer a car using the horn, and is just as effective'. There is a lot of truth in this, and IMO should also be applied to hitting.
Here in the UK they have tried to make it illegal to hit your kids, as it is in Sweden, but people were jumping around claiming that their rights were being compromised. Well what about the rights of that child? What if it was legal for a man to hit his wife when he thought she was being out of order...suddenly this is a different story isn't it?
Where do we draw the line, when it is legal to strike your child, do we say open hand and not fist? do we say legs and not face? When we see cases of individuls being prosecuted for abuse for slapping his daughter's legs during a tantrum, then yet another case of a toddler on the Social Services danger list being beaten to death...
There are more productive ways in my opinion, without having to hit for the last word. What has this taught your child? That it is ok to hit. Simply that. So they may not displease you in that way again, but only in fear of being hit, not because they have particularly learned why his/her behaviour was unacceptable, and given any thought to consequences.
I believe that boundaries should be set, that children should be aware of these boundaries, and encouraged to stay within them. I do not believe in hitting. I remember an old adage that went along the lines of 'shouting at a child is like trying to steer a car using the horn, and is just as effective'. There is a lot of truth in this, and IMO should also be applied to hitting.
Here in the UK they have tried to make it illegal to hit your kids, as it is in Sweden, but people were jumping around claiming that their rights were being compromised. Well what about the rights of that child? What if it was legal for a man to hit his wife when he thought she was being out of order...suddenly this is a different story isn't it?
Where do we draw the line, when it is legal to strike your child, do we say open hand and not fist? do we say legs and not face? When we see cases of individuls being prosecuted for abuse for slapping his daughter's legs during a tantrum, then yet another case of a toddler on the Social Services danger list being beaten to death...
There are more productive ways in my opinion, without having to hit for the last word. What has this taught your child? That it is ok to hit. Simply that. So they may not displease you in that way again, but only in fear of being hit, not because they have particularly learned why his/her behaviour was unacceptable, and given any thought to consequences.
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HighLordDave
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Whether or not you choose to whip (my family's generic term for spanking or corporal punishment) is up to you, but all discipline must be consistent, or it loses its effect.
Should all children be whipped? No. Children all respond to discipline differently and not all methods are universally effective. For instance, corporal punishment works on some kids, but others will do the same thing just to see if you'll whip them a second time. If you ground some children, they'll spend all day in their room reading and be happy as a clam, while their little sister may think that's worse than six hours on the rack. Taking the PlayStation or phone may be effective against others, but prohibiting their brother from playing baseball may work just as well.
My parents never whipped me much, mostly because I don't recall ever being a bad kid. Grounding worked on me, but my brother needed a good smack to get his attention. Taking the phone from him was at best inconsequential, while it was torture for me.
I think we in the United States associate whipping with abuse, which it is not. Discipline that is properly meted out is fair but tough and harsh but not cruel. A buddy of mine says him mom used to cry while she was whipping him, because to her, having to discipline her son meant that she had failed as a parent to teach her kid right from wrong. I think as long as parents remember that discipline is for the good of the child, not for punishment or revenge, then a swift kick in the butt is good for everyone.
Should all children be whipped? No. Children all respond to discipline differently and not all methods are universally effective. For instance, corporal punishment works on some kids, but others will do the same thing just to see if you'll whip them a second time. If you ground some children, they'll spend all day in their room reading and be happy as a clam, while their little sister may think that's worse than six hours on the rack. Taking the PlayStation or phone may be effective against others, but prohibiting their brother from playing baseball may work just as well.
My parents never whipped me much, mostly because I don't recall ever being a bad kid. Grounding worked on me, but my brother needed a good smack to get his attention. Taking the phone from him was at best inconsequential, while it was torture for me.
I think we in the United States associate whipping with abuse, which it is not. Discipline that is properly meted out is fair but tough and harsh but not cruel. A buddy of mine says him mom used to cry while she was whipping him, because to her, having to discipline her son meant that she had failed as a parent to teach her kid right from wrong. I think as long as parents remember that discipline is for the good of the child, not for punishment or revenge, then a swift kick in the butt is good for everyone.
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fable
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Coming from an abusive home, where my frustrated mother regularly slapped me around, I'm pretty familiar with many of the false justifications we can give ourselves for venting on someone who is small and defenseless. This is easily the greatest fault of corporeal punishment of children: it provides power with impunity over those who have no recourse. And it furnishes a wonderful training ground for the lesson in life that "being the strongest lets you get away with whatever you want."
So if spanking is to be used, I think the conditions should be 1) that the child be able to understand why any corporeal punishment is being administered; 2) that it be done without anger, if it is done; and 3) that it always, always have a cogent reason behind it.
If these conditions cannot be met by the parents, some other solutions for disciplining children, perhaps with the help of a family counselor, should be sought.
So if spanking is to be used, I think the conditions should be 1) that the child be able to understand why any corporeal punishment is being administered; 2) that it be done without anger, if it is done; and 3) that it always, always have a cogent reason behind it.
If these conditions cannot be met by the parents, some other solutions for disciplining children, perhaps with the help of a family counselor, should be sought.
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As Yshania said -- I don't think you can make generalizations. What works with one child won't necessarily work for another. I'm an only child so I haven't had the opportunity to observe that first-hand growing up; but I know that kids are just as much individuals as adults are. Personally, all my mother had to do was give me The Look and I straightened up. Occasionally I got a swat on the butt; but it was more the idea of that that got to me, not physical discomfort. (Especially since the physical discomfort couldn't penetrate much past the diaper )
I think that if "spanking" is discovered to be the best method, there should definitely, as Fable said, be governing principles. Such as: A swat is fine, a slap is not. One or two should suffice. No object should ever be used. The same hand that nurtures should be the hand that disciplines. Those kind of associations are important to foster a sense of respect, I think. And, as Maharlika said, spanking is useless without some education to back it up -- taking the time to tell the child why a certain action was wrong, etc.
Personally, I wouldn't spank my child on the first offense. I would teach him/her about the offense and why it was wrong. Then if the behavior persisted, a swat or two on the butt would be in order. Combined with more lectures
In short -- if spanking is employed, it really should hurt the parent more than it hurts the child
[ 12-03-2001: Message edited by: loner72 ]
)I think that if "spanking" is discovered to be the best method, there should definitely, as Fable said, be governing principles. Such as: A swat is fine, a slap is not. One or two should suffice. No object should ever be used. The same hand that nurtures should be the hand that disciplines. Those kind of associations are important to foster a sense of respect, I think. And, as Maharlika said, spanking is useless without some education to back it up -- taking the time to tell the child why a certain action was wrong, etc.
Personally, I wouldn't spank my child on the first offense. I would teach him/her about the offense and why it was wrong. Then if the behavior persisted, a swat or two on the butt would be in order. Combined with more lectures
In short -- if spanking is employed, it really should hurt the parent more than it hurts the child
[ 12-03-2001: Message edited by: loner72 ]
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Maharlika
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*takes down notes*
One thing that struck me in this conversation is that it's different strokes (pardon the pun) for different folks. I agree with Loner and HLD's comment on the child being different individuals, therefore different ways of disciplining them.
Hopefully for my son (he is a year and a half) and future kids, just my dagger looks would be enough to keep them in place, followed by a "strong voice" (not just shouting), and yes, sanctions.
Though corporal punishment will be the last resort for me, I MUST instill on my son that I will not hesitate to discipline him physically when needed.
Yes, Loner, it should hurt the parent more than the child.
And the child must realize that too. There is no pleasure derived in hurting him and if it does happen he must understand that it was needed.
I remember being initially confused when my mom hit me and she said that she loves me that is why she is doing this. I asked her how could that happen? She told me she loves me so much she doesn't want me to be a bad boy and make my guardian angel cry.
Somehow, I understood her from then on.
My son would start making tantrums by trying to bang his head just to have his way. Unfortunately because of our present set up, I'm not home to be there to fix such a behavior. He's being attended to by his nanny while my wife is at work so he gets spoiled having his way.
When I got home for my term vacation, I noticed that he does not do that when I'm around. He did it once and I gave him the dagger look and with a booming voice I said, "Trey, NO!" He looked at me, and he stopped.
My parents have four sons and we did get a lot of spanking, especially from our father. However there was always a follow up and we ended up having a loooooong talk.
We called it the Round Table. When one of us did something bad, all four of us must be present in the dining room for the Round Table. My parents believed that though we may not be at fault, we must learn from the other's mistake (by being present in the Round Table).
Funny coz more often than not these sessions are caused by fighting among ourselves. We ended up settling peacefully among ourselves lest our parents get to hear about it.
One thing that struck me in this conversation is that it's different strokes (pardon the pun) for different folks. I agree with Loner and HLD's comment on the child being different individuals, therefore different ways of disciplining them.
Hopefully for my son (he is a year and a half) and future kids, just my dagger looks would be enough to keep them in place, followed by a "strong voice" (not just shouting), and yes, sanctions.
Though corporal punishment will be the last resort for me, I MUST instill on my son that I will not hesitate to discipline him physically when needed.
Yes, Loner, it should hurt the parent more than the child.
And the child must realize that too. There is no pleasure derived in hurting him and if it does happen he must understand that it was needed.
I remember being initially confused when my mom hit me and she said that she loves me that is why she is doing this. I asked her how could that happen? She told me she loves me so much she doesn't want me to be a bad boy and make my guardian angel cry.
Somehow, I understood her from then on.
My son would start making tantrums by trying to bang his head just to have his way. Unfortunately because of our present set up, I'm not home to be there to fix such a behavior. He's being attended to by his nanny while my wife is at work so he gets spoiled having his way.
When I got home for my term vacation, I noticed that he does not do that when I'm around. He did it once and I gave him the dagger look and with a booming voice I said, "Trey, NO!" He looked at me, and he stopped.
My parents have four sons and we did get a lot of spanking, especially from our father. However there was always a follow up and we ended up having a loooooong talk.
We called it the Round Table. When one of us did something bad, all four of us must be present in the dining room for the Round Table. My parents believed that though we may not be at fault, we must learn from the other's mistake (by being present in the Round Table).
Funny coz more often than not these sessions are caused by fighting among ourselves. We ended up settling peacefully among ourselves lest our parents get to hear about it.
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