Virus Alert

HighLordDave · Post by **HighLordDave** » Fri Sep 06, 2002 8:15 am

I saw this today and thought I should bring it to the attention of the GameBanshee community:
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ATLANTA, GA (Reuters)--The Center for Disease Control declared a new virus afflicting computer message board users to be an epidemic.

"It's almost out of control," said Dr. Nhan Tran, a CDC spokesman. "We are optimistic that we can keep it from spreading, though."

Dubbed HLD Syndrome, this new virus compels message board users who might normally post only a couple of words at a time to expound on their points and write in complete sentences. Multiple-paragraph posts are also a common symptom, as is the tendency not to use common internet jargon and smilies.

"It's horrible," said one message board user, who requested to remain anonymous. "I was chatting online with a friend of mine and I just couldn't stop typing. I actually spelled out 'laugh my ass off'."

Dr. Tran says that CDC researchers believe that this condition started in the southern United States altough he warns that it appears to be spreading quickly and does not know boundaries. He added, "Don't think that because you live in Europe, Australia or Canada that you can escape this thing; it's spreading like gravy on a biscut."

One man in Minnesota was taken to the hospital after experiencing paralysis in his arms and hands. He is expected to make a full recovery.

"He was sitting at the computer and I couldn't get him away," recalled his girlfriend. "Usually 'Ned' only spends a few minutes here and there on message boards, but yesterday he never got up from the desk. He was typing and typing and never quit. At first I though he had just brought some work home and that he was doing a report, but later when I went upstairs, he was still at it. I knew things were bad when he missed the beginning of 'NFL Countdown' on ESPN; he never misses anything related to football."

"If you feel like you're experiencing HLD Syndrome, you need to take five minutes and step away from your computer," said Dr. Tran. "The opening minutes are critical. If your first post of the day is short, chances are that the rest of them will be short as well; but if you get started with a long treatise, you're going to be in for a rough day."

CDC computer technicians also warned that many message board administrators may experience bandwidth problems as users post longer and longer messages.

"The best thing you can do is to keep things simple and make your posts short and to the point," Dr. Tran added. "And stay away from word-a-day calendars."

fable · Post by **fable** » Fri Sep 06, 2002 8:30 am

This sounds like it's related to CE Syncope, caused by the posting of elaborate scientific papers, and Compulsive Fablian Behavior (CFB), which results in a need to refer everything to ancient, arcane pieces of useless knowledge.

Eerhardt · Post by **Eerhardt** » Fri Sep 06, 2002 8:34 am

One man in Minnesota was taken to the hospital after experiencing paralysis in his arms and hands. He is expected to make a full recovery - LOL

Nice compilation too, Fable

@HLD: Better patent HLD mode, while you still can

** pulls out a bottle of J.D. ** No virus survives long-term exposure to alcohol

EDIT - thought I'd put in a warning for HTD's too

Gwalchmai · Post by **Gwalchmai** » Fri Sep 06, 2002 9:45 am

Laugh out loud.

This is clearly one of the worst, most destructive plots ever to hit the internet. And I thought the Craig Virus was bad. Obviously, there must be one very sick individual out there who has perpetrated this dastardly deed. We should all be on the look out for someone who would fit the appropriate psychological profile. I would postulate that this person is an American, or possibly European, or something else. He is obviously a male, though being a female is not beyond his range of vision. He likely is very soft spoken in real life, but wears loud ties. I can only hope that his brother (or other unspecified sibling) will turn him into authorities, much as the Unibomber was betrayed.

I am surprised at the ferocity of this virus. I’m also surprised that Ned even has a girlfriend. I mean, I am surprised that he still has a girlfriend after succumbing to the virus., of course. Surely she must doubt his manhood now, since he so willingly dispensed with football. What other effects might this virus have on poor Ned? Has he taken to wearing frilly aprons and cooking in the kitchen rather than at the barbeque? My blood runs cold at the mere thought.

On another note, and for a third paragraph, I would like to express my heartfelt sympathies for all who suffer needlessly under the reign of George W. Bush.

HighLordDave · Post by **HighLordDave** » Fri Sep 06, 2002 10:19 am

I wonder if we need to set up a quarantine area somewhere. Flanders, Mr Flibble and McBane were all complaining of symptoms yesterday . . .

And by the way, why does it seem like I'm the only one posting on SYM today? Could it be that some people are hungover from the football game last night? Or is it dead around here because it's Friday night across the pond and in Asia? But that still doesn't explain why my stateside comrades aren't making a lot of noise . . .

Gwalchmai · Post by **Gwalchmai** » Fri Sep 06, 2002 10:59 am

I had noticed the deadness as well. I am at a loss to explain it. Ah, if only Georgi and one of her Vehemence-clones were around, we wouldn't be able to squeeze a word in edgewise!

Ned Flanders · Post by **Ned Flanders** » Fri Sep 06, 2002 11:14 am

just a couple of quick notes in my defense

Laugh my ass off! biggrin smilie, stick out tongue smilie

Time is short as the feeling in hands and arms comes and goes, so I will attempt to be brief although, as of late, it has become near impossible with terms like 'concise' and 'to the point' almost as foreign to me as a vegeterian diet.

I must confess that not only did I miss the beginning of NFL countdown, I also failed to catch the kickoff of the NFL season, that being the Army Ants of New York hosting the California Miners, due to my incessant ramblings in the Icewind Dale 2 forum.

Fortunately, I am blessed with a girlfriend who cares deeply for me and is committed to giving any assistance necessary in my recovery process. She is convinced that short, precise conversations will be the way to begin. Bringing up terms like marriage she believes, will keep me monosyllabic. I have no idea her thoughts on questioning my manhood, such answers may only bring further embarrasment and delay my recovery process.

Furthermore, I categorically deny any involvement in the donning of frilly aprons and my alleged preference of sauteed squash over a rare/medium rare bacon wrapped filet mignon. While I do believe a complete meal should be prepared in the kitchen and at the grill; let it be known when a complete meal is not possible, I will choose grizzle over arugala. No sir, no raspberry vinagrette dressing in my life, thank you.

Given your recent post and your history of a frilly woodsman as a druid, Gwalchmai, I'd suggest you take a long look in the mirror and ensure it is not yourself frolicking across the meadow in a frilly apron picking ripe rhubarb. By the way, sportscenter is on in ten minutes. Don't be late.

biggrin smilie bigrin smilie rolleyes smilie eek eek confused smilie

Oh my God! It's happening again!

HighLordDave · Post by **HighLordDave** » Fri Sep 06, 2002 11:18 am

Re: just a couple of quick notes in my defense

Originally posted by Ned Flanders
Furthermore, I categorically deny any involvement in the donning of frilly aprons and my alleged preference of sauteed squash over a rare/medium rare bacon wrapped filet mignon. While I do believe a complete meal should be prepared in the kitchen and at the grill; let it be known when a complete meal is not possible, I will choose grizzle over arugala. No sir, no raspberry vinagrette dressing in my life, thank you.

I think you'll be okay as long as you don't correctly use the words "duvet" or "havarti" in a sentence. Then it's all down hill . . .

Vivien · Post by **Vivien** » Fri Sep 06, 2002 11:25 am

I live near Neddy, am I under quarantine too?

*looks at her posted smilies and short message*

Hmm...maybe I'm immune?

HighLordDave · Post by **HighLordDave** » Fri Sep 06, 2002 11:35 am

I don't know, Vivien . . . your last post only had two smilies in it. You may be succumbing to HLD Syndrome.

Sojourner · Post by **Sojourner** » Fri Sep 06, 2002 11:39 am

Hm, this disease has certain practical applications. *evil grin* Like keeping a certain president busy...

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Fri Sep 06, 2002 11:47 am

You can't vatch it just by posting in this thread can you?

Craig · Post by **Craig** » Fri Sep 06, 2002 11:50 am

I don't think I have that.... Let's hope not as you all will get a head ache(Or more) from trying to read my msgs, Although I do type out all the [url=][url] then do it by the button.

Bloodmist · Post by **Bloodmist** » Fri Sep 06, 2002 12:17 pm

must keep it short...

oh no, a virus!

Vivien · Post by **Vivien** » Fri Sep 06, 2002 12:48 pm

Originally posted by HighLordDave
I don't know, Vivien . . . your last post only had two smilies in it. You may be succumbing to HLD Syndrome.

*hug*

There, I should be fine

Gwalchmai · Post by **Gwalchmai** » Fri Sep 06, 2002 1:59 pm

Rolling on the floor laughing at Ned.

But, de Nile ain’t just a river in Egypt, my friend. I am very glad that you have been blessed with such a supportive, and apparently open-minded, girl friend. I think its great that she is taking an active role in your recovery, but I’m a little worried. Don’t you find it awfully…. convenient that she brings up the subject of marriage while you are defenseless? She is certainly using your condition to her advantage, isn’t she? It makes me wonder exactly how you might have caught this foul disease….

eek

HighLordDave · Post by **HighLordDave** » Fri Sep 06, 2002 2:09 pm

I think he may have picked it up from McBane or Mr Flibble.

Gwalchmai · Post by **Gwalchmai** » Fri Sep 06, 2002 2:22 pm

Originally posted by HighLordDave
I think he may have picked it up from McBane or Mr Flibble.

How is it transmitted? eek eek

HighLordDave · Post by **HighLordDave** » Fri Sep 06, 2002 2:23 pm

I'm not sure; I guess we'll have to see if the CDC releases any more information.

Mr Flibble · Post by **Mr Flibble** » Fri Sep 06, 2002 3:01 pm

Laughs Out Loud.

Finally a name and a possible answer for the great and terrible epidemic sweeping the world. I have recently seen many a fine spammer reduced to five and in some cases even six paragraph posts.

I firmly believe that if a cure is not found soon, then the whole world may become victims of this terrible plague. Why, we may even start speaking properly in our reall lives! Oh, the humanity! ::Big cheesy grin::

What we all must realise is that geographical areas cannot be quarantined to contain this nightmare. The only solution is to find those afflictad and treat them on an individual basis. I am strongly convinced that the answer lies not a great distance from here in the form of a large black truck that can supply the suffering with large amounts of a strange substance known to the few as 'alcohol'. Studies suggest that if one ingests enough 'alcohol', then the brain begins to function in a different manner, and the subject is soon incapable of producing long, meaningful posts.

We must find the answer before it is too late. Before this, and many other message boards become overwhelmed by the increase in volume of the massages found within.

The truth is out there, my friends. Let us haste to find it. ::Big grin::