A Terrible Experience

Gruntboy · Post by **Gruntboy** » Tue Oct 30, 2001 4:24 am

Hello all. This is just a word of caution and a brief respite before I do something I feel I have to before it drives me mad.

For my own peace of mind and in response to some of the opinions flying around this forum, I thought I'd tell you exactly what I experienced on September 11th. Maybe then you will see exactly where I am coming from. Perhaps then you will understand why I react to some opinions (and I think I have been extraordinarily well behaved under the circumstances). I certainly see this as an antidote to some of the poison and venom that is around. However, it is nontheless disturbing. Whilst I don't think anything written or spoken can do it justice, you may find that in reading it you become as tortured as I am.

I know of several who already know what I'm talking about and where I'm coming from. I am sorry to inflict this upon you again if you must read this. Semper Fidelis.

So, a warning. I'll leave it for a while to let people read this. If there are serious reservations from the moderators, I'll reconsider. But I consider this post fair warning. You don't have to read it.

Mr Sleep · Post by **Mr Sleep** » Tue Oct 30, 2001 5:35 am

You have my support to post your experience on September 11th.

NCT · Post by **NCT** » Tue Oct 30, 2001 5:42 am

I am for it,wholeheartedly.It is heartrending,I know.

Weasel · Post by **Weasel** » Tue Oct 30, 2001 5:49 am

Don't let them get your temper up Grunty

In times of crisis your real friends show their support.

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Tue Oct 30, 2001 6:04 am

I think it's good both for you and us others that you post it, no matter how terrible - it's reality, and you have lived it.

Yshania · Post by **Yshania** » Tue Oct 30, 2001 6:35 am

Post it Gruntboy *hugs*

Tom · Post by **Tom** » Tue Oct 30, 2001 6:40 am

I agree that you should post it.

I havnt seen any posts on this board that were nasty and offesive but then i have not read everything. I am against the campaign because i think that more civilians will die without achiving the stated objectives.

But we must discuss this openly, trying to understand each others arguements and above all remain calm.

After all we are on the same side. We are all against terrorism but we disagree on how we should fight it.

Minerva · Post by **Minerva** » Tue Oct 30, 2001 7:58 am

Gruntboy, I can only say it is very much your decision, and I am not going to say yea or nay to this question.

As I have posted somewhere a few months ago, I do not post anything serious in the SYM any more. Admittedly, I did post a couple of times since, and each time I regretted for doing so.

It is very unfortunate for me to say, but there are many people who only listen to something they want to listen. (People who encourage you to post are who usually listen to each other, anyway) This is nothing to do with if they agree with me or not, you understand. It would be nice if we can debate and discuss things time to time, but I had enough of discussions with people who cannot discuss but scream.

I have not posted anything September 11th and Afghanistan related topics, and never will. I would be happy to read your post, but that is your choice. I cannot say you should, because I will not if I were you.

Nippy · Post by **Nippy** » Tue Oct 30, 2001 8:38 am

Post it Grunty, I think we all back you mate.

Waverly · Post by **Waverly** » Tue Oct 30, 2001 9:18 am

Hello Grunt, it has been a while. I'm interested in hearing about your experience, and no doubt am troubled by the same type of uninformed opinions as yourself. I'm sure your experience was quite affecting, and a shock to the system may do some people some good. If I can be of assistance, you have my emal.
W

Gwalchmai · Post by **Gwalchmai** » Tue Oct 30, 2001 9:19 am

I'm with Minerva on this. The decision is up to you. I recall most of what you posted after returning from the States, and I understand that your experience was horrifying. I think one of the functions of SYM is as a listening wall where catharses can be worked out. If telling your story will help you, we're all ears. (Just pay no attention to the nay-sayers)

CM · Post by CM » Tue Oct 30, 2001 9:22 am

I have no idea what to say.
I will read it and will read it as much as an open mind i can muster.
That is all i can offer.

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Tue Oct 30, 2001 9:27 am

Please Post it Grunt,
as others have said, this forum can often be a good place to work out such things , and I believe that the majority here possess the necessary maturity and sensitivity to handle wharever you say with tact and decorum.

Gruntboy · Post by **Gruntboy** » Tue Oct 30, 2001 9:37 am

Thanks everyone. You're all so special.

I'm 25. My brother is 28. I've lived in London for 8 years. My Brother moved to New Jersey last year and worked in Lower Manhattan. We were both near to the Canary Wharf bomb in 1996, in which 2 people died.

I was on holiday with my girlfriend and she stayed in Montreal. I was due to return there on the Wednesday after visiting my Brother. Tuesday morning my Brother asked me if I wanted to get dressed and go for breakfast with him where he works, a block from the WTC. I said no and sat reading my book whilst he watched the business news and got ready. When he left I turned the volume down. At 8:50 I looked up from my book to see pictures on the TV, a tower with smoke pouring from it. I leapt up and on to the balcony, sure enough about a mile away the view was repeated on this clear day. My Brother called saying there had been an accident. My mother rang from the UK soon after. Turning in disbelief to the TV I was transfixed until the second attack, the consequences of which I could see from the window. I watched from the balcony for the next hour and a half. I don't remember what happened next. I don't even remember my Brother calling again. I heard from him 4 hours later, ringing from Midtown.

That's the description. Maybe you can empathise with what actually happened even if you've only seen stuff on TV. But what I hope you can never imagine or ever have to experience is the three enduring feelings I am left with.

I watched 2 buildings collapse killing close to 10,000 people about a mile from me. Why should anyone chose to even contemplate such an act? That broke my heart.

I didn't know if my Brother was alive for 4 hours. I've been to where he works, I've had a beer with him in places that were under dust. Hell, I had the best steak of my life in Morton's on the Friday night and now its under rubble. His friend didn't know his wife's ferry had turned back (she works in the WTC).

My Brother gave me somthing more terrible than anything else. Not only must I contend with my own experience but I have to deal with his experience that he gave to me. He saw people blown out of the buildings. He saw people on fire. He saw people choose to jump. He saw people coming apart as they hit the building. He saw hundreds of people doing this. He could smell the aircraft fuel and feel the heat. He saw firemen getting hit with bodies and a young medic rushing off to help casualties in the Towers. He doesn't know if he'll ever see her again. He left panicky people behind. He saw people being hosed down by men in NBC suits. By the time he made it back to NJ, he saw the national guard piling up body bags.

I have a friend in the Pentagon who had the day off too.

Since then I have had nightmares about planes dropping from the sky and towers blowing up.

Why should I accept anything less than unconditional condemnation for this horrific act? No ifs or buts. There is no excuse for it, terror attacks on civilians cannot be justified. Terror must be stopped.

I sit here re-reading this and it doesn't express one tenth of the way I feel.

Vivien · Post by **Vivien** » Tue Oct 30, 2001 9:52 am

Gruntboy: *gives a speechless hug*

Gwalchmai · Post by **Gwalchmai** » Tue Oct 30, 2001 10:03 am

Gruntboy: Wow. Yours was a singular experience. I have nothing in my life that I could relate it to. I know we all offer our support to you.

Yshania · Post by **Yshania** » Tue Oct 30, 2001 10:10 am

*hugs Gruntboy* what a horrifying experience

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Tue Oct 30, 2001 10:27 am

Grunt, *hug*
I can't even begin to imagine what that must have been like, and I think that your reaction is completely understandable.

This is what has galled me, the unleashing of such atrocity on so many innocent people. A heinous act like that can never be justified, and I'm angered by those who attempt to do so.

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Tue Oct 30, 2001 10:36 am

Grunt,

You don't really know me, but you have my support. I know it's not much, but I mean it.

Nippy · Post by **Nippy** » Tue Oct 30, 2001 10:40 am

Michael, I don't think words can express yours or our feelings about this. I agree with you wholly and absolutely. The terrorism needs to be stopped and now. Blair has today said that we need to remember we are bombing because of the 11th September. Good on him and good on the bombers.