Your Confession (you must confess something to read this thread)

VoodooDali · Post by **VoodooDali** » Sun Mar 02, 2003 6:55 pm

After spending over 12 hours watching a 14 month old and a 26 month old yesterday (who I am actually crazy about) - I must confess that I do not want any children of my own.

In my view, after you spend around $200,000 on them, not to mention all your time, hopes, dreams, etc., all you get is someone who turns around and tells you - you're the reason they are so screwed up.

Some WC Fields quotes:
Children should neither be seen nor heard from -- ever again.

I never met a kid I liked.

Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child -- if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

I like children - fried.

Other children quotes:
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

The trouble with children is that they are not returnable. --Quentin Crisp

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children. -- Clarence Darrow

Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life. - Robert Byrne

Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your head. - Martin Mull

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. - George Burns

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. - Mae West

The terrifying power of the human sex drive is horrifically demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you. - Ipso Fatso

A son of my own! Oh, no, no, no! Let my flesh perish with me, and let not me transmit to anyone the boredom and the ignominiousness of life. - Gustave Faubert

Children make the most desirable opponents in Scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat. - Fran Lebowitz

Familiarity breeds contempt--and children. - Mark Twain

My children weary me. I can only see them as defective adults; feckless, destructive, frivolous sensual, humorless. - Evelyn Waugh

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.
- George Bernard Shaw

"I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks." -Emo Philips.

"Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go over to them and say, 'What are you doing here, you've never worked a day in your life!'." -Steven Wright

Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them. - Oscar Wilde

"On average, children laugh 400 times per day. Adults, on the other hand, only laugh 15 times per day. The difference why adults laugh so much less – because adults have children!"-Jay Leno

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Sun Mar 02, 2003 8:09 pm

Having looked at this thread a few times I figured I should actually post something

To be honest... this is something I am fairly ashamed of.... given that I possess a strong social conscience...

The apartment we live in faces, on one side, into a back alley, and the building's large garbage cans are located here, just outside a fence.

I tend to be a light sleeper and I suffer periodically from insomnia. There have been many times when, after having just dropped off to sleep at about 3 am, I hear the city's dumpster divers grabbing recyclable bottles from the garbage cans... Not only does the clanking of bottles make a lot of noise, but the entire process is usually accompanied by much loud swearing....

I have to admit, some mornings after that has happened I have very seriously considered putting a few bottles in the garbage bag full of dirty cat litter.....

Then I feel horrible.....

Azmodan · Post by **Azmodan** » Sun Mar 02, 2003 8:42 pm

i confess to STILL having a tape with Rick Astley on one side and Bros on the other

Maharlika · Post by **Maharlika** » Sun Mar 02, 2003 9:04 pm

I confess...

...that I did like Barry Manilow and John Denver way back when...

...and yeah, I do fly kites but I aint a kitty killer.

VoodooDali · Post by **VoodooDali** » Sun Mar 02, 2003 9:07 pm

Re: I confess...

Originally posted by Maharlika
...that I did like Barry Manilow and John Denver way back when...

...and yeah, I do fly kites but I aint a kitty killer.

I confess that I still have a love letter that I wrote to John Denver in 1972.

Maharlika · Post by **Maharlika** » Sun Mar 02, 2003 9:19 pm

I confess too...

...that I still like some of Barry and John's songs...

...and 70's sentimental faves like Roberta Flack's Killing Me Softly.

Scayde · Post by **Scayde** » Sun Mar 02, 2003 9:35 pm

I will never confess.I prefer to defer the guilt to Weasel

Tybaltus · Post by **Tybaltus** » Sun Mar 02, 2003 9:36 pm

I confess I love attention

I confess Ive been turned into a lurker as of late

I confess I procrastinate in everything

I confess I own an Eiffel 65 CD

I confess I hate Eiffel 65

I confess I want to burn the Eiffel 65 CD to see what happens

I confess I dont like babies

I confess I feel insecure all the time

I confess I am paranoid all the time

I confess I become too critical of women when they get close to me

I confess I am sometimes shallow

I confess I like my History of Art Class

I confess I still have a boat load of secrets

I confess that 80's music often gets me out of a bad funk

I confess that I feel protective or defensive about 80's music

I confess my head spins when I feel like being demonic

I confess I actually do hate things

I confess I hate pain

I confess I hate inconsiderate people

I confess I hate overconfidence

I confess I hate being dehumanized or deminished too far

I confess I like writing confessions

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Sun Mar 02, 2003 9:48 pm

I confess to filing all your confessions.

I confess that you will all be recieving my demands for my silence very soon.

Gwalchmai · Post by **Gwalchmai** » Sun Mar 02, 2003 10:26 pm

I confess that I started to read this thread without the intention of confessing anything.
I confess that I just copied Dottie's confession.

Karembeu · Post by **Karembeu** » Mon Mar 03, 2003 1:31 am

I confess that I was kind of hoping that someone would confess about the happenings or whereabouts of Weasel, and henceforth unravel one of the great mysteries....

Lintelyg · Post by **Lintelyg** » Mon Mar 03, 2003 1:48 am

I confess to stealing money and illegal substances from my uncle.

Azmodan · Post by **Azmodan** » Mon Mar 03, 2003 7:16 am

ok, more serious;

i confess to restricting myself because i know my best friends little brother is lurking here

i confess to NOT wanting more kids

i confess that i am a s**t when i drink too much

i confess to despicing ppl. that eat meat

(and alot more that would get me banned)

Gruntboy · Post by **Gruntboy** » Mon Mar 03, 2003 10:31 am

Oh the humanity (thinking of Az's Bros tape).

That's some confession list Tybaltus. The Police can get me out of *any* funk. In fact, they're funk-tastic. Funkadelic even. I like saying funk.

Funk, funk, funk, funk, funk.

Do we have to confess every time we post here?

I confess I haven't got the cajones to confess to everything I've done in my life that I'm ashamed of. Especially when it comes to drugs and sex.

If I confess to peeing in a neighbour's cat bowl, does that count?

Tybaltus · Post by **Tybaltus** » Mon Mar 03, 2003 10:42 am

Originally posted by Gruntboy
That's some confession list Tybaltus. The Police can get me out of *any* funk. In fact, they're funk-tastic. Funkadelic even. I like saying funk.

Funk, funk, funk, funk, funk.

Sure. I can make another long list if you want...but Im not sure if its entertainment value.

The Police are kickin'. I have a best of album of theirs, really good stuff. They arent my favorite group, but they are one of the first 80's groups I was exposed to.

I confess I like the word funk as well

frogus · Post by **frogus** » Mon Mar 03, 2003 11:25 am

Originally posted by fable
Gods, @Frogus. I never realized you air-sang Michael Jackson. Now there's an image.

No, that was Jadakiss:

Not Jackass:

Nor indeed Jacko:

Beowulf · Post by **Beowulf** » Mon Mar 03, 2003 4:09 pm

I confess to being so enormously vain that I consider myself to have nothing to confess.
And to wearing a virtual Santa hat in March.

Robnark · Post by **Robnark** » Mon Mar 03, 2003 5:28 pm

I confess to having the most unreliable infuriating evil dial-up software ever created. grgh

I confess to being a musical elitist

I confess to being quite a nasty person, but being too lazy and quiet to let anyone find out

I confess that I immensely dislike way too many people that are around me every day

I confess to being a mercenary little bugger

I confess that I would really like to dye my hair very bright blue. but then, who wouldn't?

The Z · Post by **The Z** » Mon Mar 03, 2003 5:39 pm

I confess I want and need a woman, in my bed, stripped down, right now.

Gruntboy · Post by **Gruntboy** » Mon Mar 03, 2003 5:41 pm

I don't need to confess that. That's a habit wanting that, not a confession. A dirty filthy little habit.