The new pre-spammer's guide to the SYM Forum-By Brink

Flagg · Post by **Flagg** » Sat Apr 07, 2001 1:08 am

@T', Do you think that he would mind?

T'lainya · Post by **T'lainya** » Sat Apr 07, 2001 1:16 am

@ F, A little late to ask now isn't it?

You know what's worse..we manage to spam up more than one topic at a time..

I'm counting on Brink to be understanding and forgiving

Flagg · Post by **Flagg** » Sat Apr 07, 2001 1:18 am

@T', Well it is a bit slow to be spamming up one topic with only the two of us being online.

I have no doubt that Brink will forgive me with wanting to flirt.....errr talk with you.

T'lainya · Post by **T'lainya** » Sat Apr 07, 2001 1:22 am

@ F, at least the only two posting

We're probably going to get our own entry in the guide for this though..

Flagg · Post by **Flagg** » Sat Apr 07, 2001 1:23 am

@T', For what. The longest private conversation?

Hmmm... How many lurkers do you think are out there?

Should we start up a discussion in a third thread?

T'lainya · Post by **T'lainya** » Sat Apr 07, 2001 1:28 am

@ F, the longest and longest running private conversation on a public forum

Hmm any lurkers? At least we're keeping them entertained

I don't know about a third thread..My keyboards starting to smoke from constant typing

Flagg · Post by **Flagg** » Sat Apr 07, 2001 1:29 am

Oops, I went ahead and created a topic especially for you...

T'lainya · Post by **T'lainya** » Sat Apr 07, 2001 1:35 am

@ F, Aww you know I can't resist a new topic

Brink · Post by **Brink** » Sun Apr 08, 2001 8:02 am

Spamming up my topic??

T'lainya · Post by **T'lainya** » Sun Apr 08, 2001 9:29 am

@ Brink, I'm sorry I participated in the spamming of your topic

Will you forgive me?

Brink · Post by **Brink** » Sun Apr 08, 2001 1:01 pm

T'lainya-How can I ever be mad at my fair lady?

T'lainya · Post by **T'lainya** » Sun Apr 08, 2001 1:21 pm

Thank you Brink

I'm glad you had fun on your holiday

Just don't try Waverlys advice on your dream girl

Brink · Post by **Brink** » Sun Apr 08, 2001 1:27 pm

T'lainya-Of course I won't use the Doc's advice(once is enough

).Thanks for your support,my fair lady

Brink · Post by **Brink** » Mon Apr 09, 2001 12:01 am

Is there no other comments on the previous part of the guide??

Brink · Post by **Brink** » Sat Apr 14, 2001 9:38 pm

Sorry for not updating the guide in a long while(I have been busy in real life).Anyway,this will be a two-parter,the first being on the ways of flaming someone.Before I bigin,I'd like to say my thanks to Foul,T'lainya and Darkpoet for their contributions to this update.I hope you all will enjoy reading it.

Playing with fire

Introduction

So,you're now interested in becoming a major spammer like Weasel.You've manage to pull in at least 1000 posts in a week,and you feel proud when others praise your spamming effort.Yet,even with all these accomplishments, you feel as if you're not complete,as if something is missing from your spamming life.This missing link, my friend, is the pleasure you get once you start flaming others, and this link will stop you from being a true spammer in this forum.As such, this update is specially written for those who feel the urge to flame (and finally be called a true spammer) but don't know where to start

Things you need to know about flaming before you get started

Flaming can be a very effective way to release your anger or frustration at someone whom you hate/despise/want to give a piece of your mind.In fact,you can practically flame someone for something that you yourself did wrong but need someone else to take the blame.The possibilities are endless

There are generally two kinds of flames:
-The subtle kind (usage of happy smileys when flaming, indirect flaming, etc.).Some examples of it are:

Originally posted by Darkpoet:
Waverslappy, has been here??? Oh yes I see the slime trail.

Originally posted by Gruntboy:
And Foul's already backed the toilet up with vomit. He's only had one G&T aswell.

Brink, I do believe the bog plunger is in your job decsription

-The more agressive kind (using lots of

emoticons when flaming, usage of vulgar words in a flame).For an example:

Originally posted by Rail:
You know GB, this is a load of CRAP!!!!! You put up a title like this and lure us in here for a tame, pretty-boy's party. This BITES!!! You don't have a clue what you're doin' here!!!!! Call us back here when you have a real rager goin' on.

Stupid... *grumble, grumble*

Getting started :The aggresive way

First,you'll need to understand that there will be consequences when you start flaming;some of them will be good(a rarity IMHO),but most of them will be bad if not horrible.You must also understand that by flaming,you have now become a true spammer like the most of us in this forum,so do not do this if you don't want to be known as a spammer.

Next,you'll have to choose a target.As a beginner,you should find someone who's highly flammable, doesn't retaliate when he's getting flamed and doesn't have moderator powers.I'd recommend flaming Darkpoet just for the experience when you're lacking before moving up to big targets like Waverly, Foul, Gruntboy and T'lainya.WARNING!!! Do not flame these targets when you're just starting out as you might not want to flame another person again once they counter-flame you.

After selecting a target, proceed to make up a reason(you need not have a good reason,just something that will get
you worked up ) to give the target a nice roasting.Once you're ready,begin toasting the target until you get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment(

) for flaming someone(either that or until you get bored of roasting a sitting duck).

Congratulations,you now know the ways of aggresively flaming someone.

Note:Subtle flaming doesn't really require any instructions as it comes naturally to anyone in time

General rules in flaming someone

by T'lainya

1) Ridiculing language difficulties is frowned on.Making fun of people whose
first language isn't English is a cheap shot..You may, however flame native
speakers at will.
2) You should introduce yourself in some of the topics before starting your
career in flaming. Failure to do so will guarantee someone will be offended
and flame you into nonexistance.
3) Remember the golden rule.Flame unto others only if you can stand the heat.
4) No whining allowed, if you play with fire, you're going to get burned.
5) Management will take no responsibility for flame related injuries.
6) Flame Buck at your own risk..do I really need to explain that your
computer will melt and a dozen pit fiends will pay you a "friendly" visit
you will also win a vacation to the netherworld, possibly on a permanent
basis.

Foul's Flaming “Shalt Nots” (Or, How To Avoid Being Sent to The Hall of Shame) -The Authoritative Guide to SYM Etiquette

Thou Shalt Not…

1) Excessively use expletives (SYMers are widely known to be the cultural elite of the Internet world, and so tolerance for inappropriate language, even when flaming, is discouraged)
Example: “F*ck you, you piece of sh!t, go to h*ll!”

2) Toast (other) Newbies unless provoked (likewise, SYMers are known to be a polite and commodious group that welcomes newcomers with open arms)
Example:” Oh, hello there “Loren”, I’m SO sure you’re a woman, and not a 50 year old bald man, go away, we hate you

!!"

3) Commit a “Dwimmerlaik” (use more than the necessary number of syllables so that your target, particularly if English isn’t their native tongue, can’t understand your meaning, or indeed, thinks you complimented them. A more frequent variation on this theme is to sting together words gathered from a Thesaurus in such a way that the resulting sentence makes NO sense, whatsoever)
Example: “You pathetic stanchion*! You are not welcome here you insular** little apothecary***”
* A vertical bar, or a pair of bars, used to confine cattle in a stall.
** Pertaining to an island
***A person who keeps pharmaceuticals for sale and fills prescriptions
4) Use languages other than Modern English (using your home-tongue so that your target cannot defend himself, using dialects that are centuries out of date, or using a dead language)
Exmple1: “Lay da yuen fei kei mm sai sou” (Chinese for “You jack off and never wash”
Example2: “Odpierdol sie huju bo tobie zapierdole” (Polish for “Get out of here you [removed] or I'll f*cking mess you up”
Example3: “Tu es stultior quam asinus” (Latin for “You are dumber than an @ss”
Example4: " Thou art a dankish swag-bellied milk-livered wagtail, oh a bashful one!" (Elizabethan English for “You are just like Ubik”

4) Indulge in a “Waverly” (taking someone’s post and “quoting” them by twisting the meaning of their words or outright making something up and attributing it to them)
Example:
Target’s Post- “You’re a really nice guy Darkpoet.”
Your Post- “Originally posted by “Target”, ‘I long to gaze deeply into your eyes and make love to you Darkpoet, and your horse.’, ”
5) “Grunt” at anyone, for any reason, whatsoever (extreme use of absurd filth for no apparent reason)
Example: “I want 18 Marines to pummel my @ss with their schlongs, pour their seed into my bottle of Scope and let me gargle with it as I take a sh!t”

6) Mislead the unwary (also called Trolling For Idiots this entails posting something that you don’t believe at all with the explicit intention of starting a flame war about the subject and embarrassing your targets) –
Example: (when non-regulars appear) “I despise Tolkien and all of his works. Not only did the man have NO skill in character development, but he didn’t even have a firm command of the English language.”
7) Use incomprehensible metaphors & similes or allusions (it is confusing to board members when unrelated and unknown events or objects are used to convey an idea)
Example 1: “He's as noisy as a skeleton wanking himself on a tin roof”
Example 2: “Gruntboy's so horny that the crack of dawn had better be careful”
Example 3: “T’lainya was so randy she looked as if she could suck the colour out of a marble”
DISCLAIMER: In the end though, all of the above is meaningless trash, as ANY comment is acceptable, as long as Smilies are used properly. The more searing the flame, the more Smilies are needed. For example, the comment “You bastard” only requires one, i.e.:
“You bastard”
…while, “I slept with your mother last night, and corrupted your sister this morning you worthless, slimy, little worm” clearly requires at least three, i.e.:
“I slept with your mother last night, and corrupted your sister this morning you worthless, slimy, little worm”

Tips on how to flame effectively

1) Name calling is most effective if a) long words aka dwimmerlaiking or b)
deliberately misspelling name i.e waverlying are used. Stringing together
swear words will make you look ignorant and/or get you banned. {the exception
to this rule is Gruntboy, he may swear as he pleases subject to Bucks
judgement}

2) Flaming your allies is allowed, especially when they aren't expecting it.
Some predators will turn on each other, and all posters here will certainly
do so.

3) Use emoticons to enhance your posts. They can provide extra humor. they
also are helpful in determining a serious problem as opposed to a good
natured flame.

4) Bringing up old mistakes or embarrassments is not only legal, it's
encouraged.

5) Use caution when choosing a target. Some posters are more virulent than
others. KNOW YOUR ENEMY!

6) You may be accused of many things including deviancy, cross dressing,
immorality and perversion..this is normal..Flame back at will.

7) Certain posters do not flame often and are not wise targets.Flaming the
bartender will result in all your drinks being mixed with used bathwater from
Fouls goats. Flaming Minerva will probably get you tarred, feathered and
lynched.

8) Have fun and don't take the whole thing too seriously

If you feel
someone was serious..email them or private message them. Serious flame wars
only annoy the almighty Buck.(See above bit about flaming Buck..pit fiends)

Thank you all for reading this update.Have a nice flame

*Sorry that I couldn't include all the emoticons with the examples.The second part will come later tonight

[ 04-14-2001: Message edited by: Brink ]

[ 04-15-2001: Message edited by: Brink ]

[ 04-16-2001: Message edited by: Brink ]

Brink · Post by **Brink** » Mon Apr 16, 2001 12:22 am

Getting flamed:An art by itself

Introduction

As everyone knows,there will always be a victim once someone starts flaming(well,unless he flames everyone,but that's beside the point since eventually he'll be the one getting all the flames

).Do not despair when you get torched my friend,for being flamed is in itself,an art that few have managed to appreciate.

You may question how being a sitting duck( /free kill, whichever you prefer

) for flames can be a form of art.Frankly speaking,I don't know,but there must be a reason why some people gladly accept being flamed(some say that they actually enjoy getting all the flames),isn't there?

.Without further ado,I present to you a brief article from one of our members who enjoys getting flamed(@All upcoming flamers-You know who to flame now,don't you? )

Article on getting flamed
-by Darkpoet

Being flamed is an artform in itself. You have to know the right way to get yourself cooked. Here is some simple steps on getting flamed.
1. Make sure you have a smart@ss with quick thinking on the board. ie. Waverly, Foul, Gruntboy, T'lainya, and ect....
2. Make sure when you post, you put something out there, for sure will come back and cook your @ss.
ie. Post: Vivien, I'm going camping for two weeks in upper Michigan. At the end of June. Flame: I hear dueling banjos even now. Squeel like a piggy, DP... and don't enjoy it too much.
You see, cooked like a 1 pound puffin.
3. Reaction, make sure you have a comeback that won't toast you again. Most flames are done in fun. You laugh it off and try, try again. But, I still become a chrispy critter. The best way to get back at someone, is that you wait for them to leave the board.
4. The tools for those being flamed:
A. Flame Blocker- only works on minor flames.
B. Flame Blocker 2000 - this will help up to medium low to medium flames.
C. Flame Stopper 3000 - this will help up to medium high to high flames.
D. Flame Proof Suit - This gives total protection, with all items listed above. Unless, you are flamed by one of the ladies. Then you are just dust in the wind.

Reactions when getting flamed

The most basic reaction that one usually does when receiving a flame would be couter-flaming the person who did the evil deed of roasting your behinds.This will usually repeat itself until:
1) one party gets tired of flaming(the loser

)

2) Buck or the other moderators step in when the flaming spams up a thread,especially one that contains a serious discussion(yeah,yeah this guide is for spammers,but we must also have some decency in us)

As such,I suggest that when you get flamed,try keeping your cool(go bang your head on the wall or something if your so mad ).That way,you can at least claim to be more matured then the person who flamed you(you may be called a loser by the flamer, but that won't bother you,right? )

*Note-If you're really pissed at the person who flamed you/you can't find anywhere decent to bang your head on,you can always "take it to the e-mails"(tm)

Counter-flaming:The aggresive way

So,you've skipped the last section and came straight to this one eh?Fine,if this is really what you want to do,here's how you counter-flame someone:

Step 1

Wait for a flame(hey,this is counter-flaming,what is there to counter when you're not getting flamed? ).If you don't get flamed,try putting on all those fancy flame protection thingy(I heard that this is an extremelygood way to attract the attention of the flamers).If this still doesn't work,then I'm sorry,but you can't counter-flame anyone.

Step 2

Get yourself pissed off.Hint:If you're receiving a light flaming,try looking for hidden (and offensive

) meanings in the flame.This should get you pretty worked up over some piety matter.I should mention that at this point,you will either bang your head on the wall(thus removing some of that anger and nullifying the counter-flame) or you'll be an aggresive counter-flamer

Step 3

Start counter-flaming the flamer (refer to the Playing with fire guide above for ways to effectively do this).Show no mercy when doing this.He deserves it

Step 4

Repeat steps 1-3 if necessary

Conclusion

As said earlier, getting burnt is a form of art that's truly appreciated by the strong-willed and the pathetic wankers(

).I hope that you have all learned something from this update(I did )

--------------------------------------------

This concludes the 2-parter update to the guide.Hope you all have a wonderful time reading it as much as I did posting it here.Have a good day

(Comments/suggestions are welcomed.Thank you so much people)

[ 04-16-2001: Message edited by: Brink ]

Gruntboy · Post by **Gruntboy** » Thu Apr 19, 2001 7:45 am

This is freakin' hilarious! And you thought you were useless Brink?! You should be on stage..... in a freak show that is

Darkpoet · Post by **Darkpoet** » Thu Apr 19, 2001 7:46 am

Good job Brink.

Brink · Post by **Brink** » Thu Apr 19, 2001 7:48 am

Gruntboy-I don't see myself in a freak show

Thanks anyway

(that goes out to you as well DP

)

Gruntboy · Post by **Gruntboy** » Thu Apr 19, 2001 7:57 am

No, no, I can see it now. "Ladies and Gen'lmen, the human Snake, Brink! Watch as he swallows 12 large eggs whole. Yes, even a live chicken and a child's tricycle."

"Then watch Brink the Human Penguin regurgitate said food for his sidekick geek, Waverloser, to eat"