I was backing up my files tonight, and clearing out some old junk I didn;t even know I had when I came across this old placeholder post I used awhile back in Book 5. I got a kick out of it, and figured some of you might too. That, and DW made me post it.
Bloodstalker thought he had hit his head a little too hard. Somehow, the enemy had been reinforced, but in a most astonishing way.....
First the came a most odd looking creature from the shadows. Leaping up onto a boulder, he surveyed his surroundings, his grace evidently hereditary judging from his catlike features, he crouched sullenly and began to groom himself.
The next came from a portal that opened in the ceiling, lowering itself in a great swirl of smoke and standing with an otherworldly presence. It had an odd, burning instrument bound to it's neck wich produced a shattering noise when struck, although not unpleasent at all to hear.
Then a door materialized in the wall with a huge star on the facing. It opened quickly and a most hyperactive figure emerged, prancing about the area as if someone had dropped several hot peppers down his leather pants. Not really able to get much of a look at the figure, he did seem unable to stop moving long enough to be identified, BS averted his attention to the final figure that had appeared.
This one was demonic, rising from the darkness and spreading batlike wings to perch on the boulder next to the Cat. Locking eyes with the DF, it suddenly convulsed and began to spew forth blood from his mouth.
The rather fruity one that had been dancing around so much spoke and seemed to communicate to the drow that they would deal with the females. BS laughed, knowing the mettle of his comrades.
The Cat slunk forward and stretched, seeminly confident in his ability to enthrall the ladies with his bardic outburst that seemed to have somewhat homoerotic overtone. "Me and the boys'll be p[laying..all night" indeed. BS rolled his eyes, but noted AC seemed quite stricken with this one, in fact, she had been since the grooming began.
The rest, however, where not so easliy swayed.
The spacey one came forth next and assumed a rather odd position, legs bents at the knees and head thrown back as he began to move his finger on what could only be called a sick repulsive electric twanger. This had quite the effect on the females, most likely due to some hidden innuendo that escaped BS at the moment. Honestly, all he was doing was sliding his fingers up and down the instrument while feigning some type of seizure. Odd really. And even more indicative of those homoerotic undertones.
Still, the DF heald firm, so the fruit decided to take that moment to dance wildly and rather scream something at the top of his lungs about taking something off. Strangely, he noticed a few of the DF starting to do just that, but just catch themselves before it was to late. Indeed this was a powerful bard, but , alas, his effort had failed. He made a pouty face and stood staring into each of the ladies eyes, holding them enthralled.
DW was the first to look away, shouting to the others to get a grip on themselves.
T screamed to the enemies that they would need to do a lot better than that to break the will of her and her sisters, and at that moment, the Demon strode forth.
Blood smeared over his lips and chest, he stood before his fellows and spread his batlike wings wide.The DF assumed position of defense and prepared for whatever helish onslaught this foul beast could unleash.
Moments passed,and the tension built. The Demons mouth opened wide in a roar and every DF prepared to leap forward.
Then it happened. The demon unrolled his tounge. it hit the floor, and many gasps were heard as one by one the DF's began to giggle and fall over themselves. Most embarrasing to BS. He had been so sure his comrades would have had more willpower than that. But even more embarrasing was Gwally's reaction, as he ran from one lady to the next, insiting that his hands were much larger proportionatly speaking than that tounge, and what good really was a tounge anyway for a massage?
It was no use, the effect had taken hold. T and Ysh were stroking the demon with T's flails, whispering in a girlish giggle into it's ear. DW was feeding the fruity, prancing one something...hmmm, now where did she get that cherry? Scayde was busy rubbing the spacey ones twanger, while Mysteria strummed his chords for him. AC was busy at the moment grooming the Cat.
BS sat down heavily with the other men, noting the dejected look in their eyes.
"Bah, my hands are much larger" Gwally commented
"What's the big deal about a twanger? I have a flute" Aegis mumered
"I bet none of them can carry on an intelligent conversation about quantum physics" Than lamented.
"I'm a demone, why isn't my tounge that long?" Thal grumbled
'Tis disgraceful, they do not even speaketh in ye old Paladin" Nippy grouched.
An orc came and sat down, offering comforting words. "It ain't personal, it's just what happens. You're companions is groupies now. No way for a female to resist"
"What's a groupie?" all the men asked in unison.
Pointing to several scantily clad buxom women who had appeared, the orc said," Them's groupies. Nothing left to give them purpose but to pleasure any man that happens to be in a goup what plays music and has a cool name"
Suddenly, Aegis took out his flute and played, Than came up with a cool name, and the male companions watched in amazment as the groupies swarmed over them..........
One pressed agaisnt BS, rubbing his head, running her fingers through his hair....so nice...so soft....
"Damn" BS yelled. "That hurt"
Looking around, BS noticed all his companions still engaged in battle. He remembered an earthquake, then something hitting him on the head...ah, he must have blacked out for a moment. Still, it had all been so real, but he had no more time to think as he found himself facing several orcs coming towards him. *
Lord of Lurkers
Guess what? I got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell!