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I am presently having a conversation with somebody about temper. And this set me to wondering just how many other people here practically see red when they lose their temper. I mean, there are times during the throes of pure white rage that I can sort of step outside of myself. I see just how awfull I am being, but I am powerless to stop it.


Anyone else?

Oh, most definately. I earned the nicknames "Satan" and "Death" in school because of my temper and my nasty tongue. If someone truly pisses me off, I end up having to leave the building I am sharing with the person to keep from hurting them. I end up shaking in an attempt to not end up causing violence and I can't attempt to talk, because simply talking isn't an option. If I talk when that angry, it comes out as screaming. Almost anything I say tends to be cruel and aimed to incite a violent reaction from the people around me as well.

If someone hits me, that's a different story. The sheer amount of self-control involved with controlling my temper after someone strikes me, I just shut down inside my head. I can't move, speak, anything. Everything I have within me goes to controlling it. If someone hits me again after that, they'd best run and fast and not stop. I've done some truly nasty things to the people that have had the nerve to push me that far and the few people that have seen me after I've gotten done with them after those incidents still RUN when they see me now.

Drawing blood on me outside of sex is a sure way to end up in the hospital. My brother hit me and split my lip and I nearly tore his left arm off. I'm fairly certain I dislocated it when I was 8 years old. I just slammed him into the ground and had his arm in my hands and yanking it across his back and had him screaming before I realized what I was doing.

I have a wicked, nasty, horrible temper and I do everything I can to control it. However, certain things are just no-no's around me. I've literally had friends THROW themselves at me when they noticed those certain things going on to restrain me until I've calmed down and that thing isn't in view or hearing anymore.

The whole "seeing red" thing isn't all that far off as well. I can feel the blood rushing through my whole body, and I know my eyes get bloodshot. It's like there's a soft red haze at the edges of my vision as I end up just trembling in rage.

The day I went into school with a sprained wrist and a splint on and someone decided that would be the day to pick a fight with me...I had never been that pissed off at a person at someone in my life up until that point. I've had worse since, but he hit me from behind, twice. The first time, I just told him he wouldn't be walking away if he did it again and he was lucky I didn't land on my sprained wrist when I fell. Then he hit me again when I started walking away, and I did fall on that wrist. I had him up against the wall so fast I split the back of his head open against it before I realized I'd grabbed him with my left hand (my left wrist was the hurt one) and was slamming him against the wall and getting ready to slug him. He was sobbing and wetting himself. I was SO enraged and frustrated, and disgusted that I couldn't fight someone who had just broken into tears and wet himself. He actually had the nerve to tell me to come back and fight inbetween his sobs while everyone was laughing at him. The kids in the lunch room were honestly in shock the rest of the week at the fact I hadn't killed the little twerp for that given my reputation.

I remember my mother hit me one day, just lost her temper and slapped me as hard as she could. She took one look at me and ran screaming from the room and barricade herself in it. She later told me she's never seen anyone look THAT angry before. Not even my abusive alcoholic father. I think I inherited both of their tempers combined.

I've learned to control it fairly well, so long as whomever made me angry has the sense to let me leave and calm down. The rare times people haven't done that, they've sorely regretted it. If it's an argument, I'm viciously cruel in what I say and if it's a fight, I don't stop until the person's stopped struggling. If I'm left alone however, I generally just listen to music, write, sing, or go for a long walk on my own until I calm down. It may take me a few hours, or even a day or two, but I calm down eventually and can work whatever happened out somehow.

I don't know it happened, but all of the times I just bolted from the house and walked miles and miles until I calmed down created this little safety thing or something. If I'm truly enraged, within about 10 minutes of being away from the situation, I pass out. Just everything shuts down, curl up wherever I happen to be and sleep and I'm out COLD until I decide to wake up. You have to hit me to wake me up, and the one time my mother did that after we argued, I ended up in such a fit I had to leave the house for a few days. *shakes my head* She's a slow woman sometimes.

I'm so mild-mannered, other people find it annoying. To be more precise, they think I pretend to be sweet just to piss them off. I guess that most people have such bad tempers, they find it impossible to believe that some people rarely get upset.

But of course, I'm still human, and I occasionally get upset or angry when there's good reason. But I don't think I ever get red in the face or so out of joint that I lose control or anything like that.

By the same token, I rarely ever feel ecstatic. I do feel happy and comfortable and even blissful most of the time, but what I mean is that I rarely ever get so excited that I can't control myself. I think that's part of being an even-tempered and mild-mannered person--not letting your emotions control you, whatever they may be.

I barely get angry, most of the times it's quite the opposite actually. You see, I live on other people's anger, chaos and panic. You could actually say I thrive on it. Whenever I see another person loose control and then snaps at me, something inside me smiles a bit and becomes annoyingly calm while I make the most irritating remarks possible. Don’t ask me why I do it, I just do. It earned me a lot of nasty looks, a bit of verbal abuse and during sports, I even was attacked ones or twice.

I tend to boil inside now and then, though, but I just don't show it. I’m not really sure why I don’t show it, it just doesn't come out. This is not quite a family sign, my mother and sister really become un-enjoyable company when losing their temper. My dad can get quite pissed at times too, although he can, at the same time, get quite irritating when mad. Then he becomes this snappy, calculating kind of guy, and I hates it. Perhaps that reminds me a bit of myself.

There are times I get like you Sytze, if someone else is angry around me. I just grin and end up amused, which REALLY pisses people off. Which leads to sarcasm and a condescending attitude from me, which pisses them off more, then I giggle and it's a really bad situation usually.

This usually occurs with girls I'm dating. They start a ridiculous argument, I end up in this sort of mood. They start lecturing me on how odd it is I'm still calm in such an important situation and get more pissed off. I try discussing things with them calmly and they just go all nutty on me so I end up grinning and snickering. Then the insults start flying at me, and that leads into me going into my sadistic playful mode, and I toy with them. That leads to more insults and then I get pissed off as mentioned above. It's like a strange little circus of emotions.

Your first lines really hit the spot.

Around female friend I try to be a bit compassionate, however, more often than not I fail miserably and fall back to old habits. Sometimes I even end up laughing really hard, which, in turn, lightens the mood for my friends as well. Although, of course, this doesn't count for everyone, only the ones that know me well enough that I'm kidding or don't mean to harm/insult them. I like teasing, so sue me.

As a side note, this behaviour let me to a lot of trouble with people who do not know me. Especially the, how shall I put this subtle, less intelligent humans who solve matters rather with screaming and hitting, than with conversation. I really get annoying, sarcastic and, most of all, disparaging sometimes.

I'm usually calm, but often I do lose temper. Its a dangerous mix, german and italian blood, cause from one minute to the other your blood boils, and it takes quite some time to cold down.

Heh, with that title - the wrath of SYM - I thought Buck was using his almighty toes to knock off members, DW

My fits of rage really have landed me inalot of trouble. I've managed to calm myself somewhat over the past couple of years, mainly through releasing anger in other forms (weight lifting etc.).

I wouldn't call myself a tornado on legs... but if someone does the wrong thing, I can just snap in and out of very violent rage. The worst thing about this is it is normally directed at people very close to me (best friends and the like)... and has very unpleasant consequences and leaves me really upset (not the mention the other person).

I very rarely get angry, except at people who commit henious crimes but remain immune from punihsment because of their power. Henry Kissinger, Shrub, Rumsfeld, Putin, Chirac: people like this get me steamed. Each is a mass murderer; none will ever be brought to justice. Most will likely have statues errected to their gilded, false memories.

When someone goes after my friends, I lose it, instantly. Especially the female ones I've become extremely protective of knowing the history they have with being hurt very badly by others. It's why I mentioned my friends throwing themselves at me to restrain me at certain times.

They know I won't hurt them if they make sure I know it WAS them when they end up wrapped around me and trying to restrain me and calm me down by doing just that. Two of my female friends brought me to the ground a few hours after having explained the reason one of them was sobbing with the other related to a boy being sent to our school, and her class who had been the one who had raped her. He walked by us and started calling her name and she just freaked out and I started running after him. The next thing I knew, one of my other friends had my arms held back, and the female friend who was comforting her was around my legs and had me on the ground and were yelling my name. I honestly don't think anyone else in that building could have stopped me from severely hurting, maiming or even killing that boy before I came back to my senses if they hadn't have done that. That kid caused a lot of trouble once he found out I wanted to fight him and people would restrain me to keep me from tearing him apart too.

It's strange, certain triggers really, truly just set me off and I'm very nearly beyond control of myself altogether. Even remembering them has set me on edge and to the point I'm shaking. I've had to tell my friends not to come near me or even speak to me when I'm really angry to see to it I don't snap at them. There are those times they know I'm not "myself" when those triggers pop up and they get in the way and try calming me down at their own safety though. I think the only friend I've ever hit when I was angry was my friend Kimmy, but that was because someone was throwing a chair at her and I stepped in the way and knocked it aside trying to keep it from hitting her, which it still did unfortunately. Every other time, their presence has brought me back to my senses before I did anything stupid and I then calmed down eventually.

My brother however, has a temper like mine, and less ability to control it at times. I'm inclined to believe part of it is just traits we were born with, and other than that, the abuse we put up with at home and by the people we dealt with growing up around us. Constantly being chased around, mugged, shot at and hit has to have had an affect on our instincts with reacting to aggression overall.

The last couple of years I've been very calm and haven't got much trouble with my temper. I haven't been in a fight for years now and when I do get very angry nowadays nothing is broken and no one is hurt. I can't even remember the last time when I got very angry, so I haven't got in to much trouble because of my temper.

I favor my anger, I save it up so that I can do something creatfull with it.

I had a horrible temper, and I do believe I still do - its just under control now. When I was in my teens - it landed me in loads of trouble. However, I do think it was often for the right reasons. I couldnt and still cant stand snobby people, I cant stand it when some are picking on others, I cant stand insults, or stupidity. So often I speak up in such cases, and because I get so angry I dont always watch what I say.

Now I can control it. It shows very rarely now. Which I assume is a good thing. I take a moment out and calm down. Before I used to just let people have it - full fury and all.

VonDondu wrote:I'm so mild-mannered, other people find it annoying. To be more precise, they think I pretend to be sweet just to piss them off.

I am not exactly mild-mannered regardless if I am angry or not, but my behaviour does not change much depending on my emotional state. If I have a problem, for instance, it does not matter if I feel a little sad, very sad, a little angry or extremly angry, my behaviour would be about the same. If I am very angry, I will spend more energy and time to solve the problem and change the situation for the better, but I don't start screaming or do useless things that does not help me to improve the situation. This sometimes puts me in a similar situation to what you describe, some people think I play "cold" or nonchalant in order to provoce them.

By the same token, I rarely ever feel ecstatic. I do feel happy and comfortable and even blissful most of the time, but what I mean is that I rarely ever get so excited that I can't control myself. I think that's part of being an even-tempered and mild-mannered person--not letting your emotions control you, whatever they may be.

I don't think the intensity of emotions are necessarily related to control, although it may so be for many people. I have a very high-amplitude emotional life, and although my "normal" state is similar to yours, I am usually both boiling and bouncing with euphoria several times a day. It's just that I find it totally meaningless to let emotional states influence me to do things I would find stupid or unconstructive, and regret later. Since I don't view emotions as some kind of Superior Guideline in contact with some Superior Truth, I don't see any reason why I should let myself be "victim" for them unless I want to. The emotional system is a regulating system with the function to drive behaviour. It is however highly unspecific: anger feels the same regardless if the best solution is to hit someone in the head with a baseball bat or write an intricate article for publication. Thus, since it feels the same, we have the opportunity to choose how to express our feelings. Anger is mental energy, and I think this energy is best spend on problem-solving efforts.

Most of the time I'm pretty flat and even-keeled, but there are just some days where I can't help but be pissed off. I mean, I've knocked out a friend before even though we're really good buddies. But it doesn't happen often.

As far as getting hit, nobody's really gone at me before. I take a lot of shots in contact sports, but that's part of the game, so I can't really get angry there.

[QUOTE=C Elegans]I am not exactly mild-mannered regardless if I am angry or not, but my behaviour does not change much depending on my emotional state...

I don't think the intensity of emotions are necessarily related to control, although it may so be for many people...[/QUOTE]
Perhaps we should make a distinction between "temper" and "manner" then. "Temper" pertains to our raw emotions, while "manner" pertains to how we act on our emotions. I am even-tempered (my emotions are not very volatile) and I am mild-mannered (I remain steady and civil even under trying circumstances).

I realize that I might piss off some people for saying this, but when people lose their temper and go into a rage, I don't think its because they are more "passionate" than I am or because their emotions are any stronger than mine; I think they're just in the habit of acting like babies. I think they need to grow up and learn how to put things in perspective and get used to not getting everything their way and and learn how to respect other people even when other people are out of line.

That's not to say that anger is a bad thing in itself, though. I think it's the natural product of high intelligence. We realize that we can control events and we can figure out ways of doing that. Anger is basically a reaction to situations in which things are not the way we want them to be, so I see anger as a survival tool that motivates us to get what we want, and in the long run, it might improve our chances of success. But using our intelligence to see how we act to our own emotions and stepping back to find an optimal solution instead of acting on our raw emotions without thinking has even better results.


[QUOTE=C Elegans]Anger is mental energy, and I think this energy is best spend on problem-solving efforts.[/QUOTE]
Exactly.

Interesting points...

I know that what tends to really trigger my temper is built up frustration. I will be in a situation, and I'll have remained fairly calm, controlled and patient. But then, just one more thing will happen and it is like a dam bursting open. The proverbial straw upon the camel's back.

I have also noticed that particular people will cause me to react in a far more volatile way. For whatever reason, they just get under my skin in a heartbeat. I suspect this is, in part, because of old environmental issues.

Another point I have observed is that,for me, anger quickly follows on the heels of emotional pain. I think perhaps because anger gives the illusion of control, whereas raw hurt often just engenders a feeling of utter helplessness.

If i have a gun in my hand i am the type to shoot first and think about 3 or 5 weeks later.

That kind of thing is why my friends don't like me holding knives. I don't do well with them if someone ticks me off. Sometimes, I'm frightened of what I'll do holding one. Other times, I'm strangely fascinated by what I could do with one. That, mixed with being enraged is a terrible combination.

That combination did keep my jerk roommates from pawning everything I owned for drugs though. Shame it didn't save my PS2.

You missed an option DW Personally, I'm fine, happy, and smiling up to a point, and that point is a long way. I can take almost anything in my stride, and either let it bounce off me, or just laugh at it, but sometimes, very rarely, and generally in extreme circumstances I will snap, and it's at those times when I'm best avoided. Like Magrus, apparently, I just feel the need to break/hurt something/one when I get driven to the limit. Maybe it's because I to overlook a lot, and a lot of anger builds up inside me, but the fact is, without intervention, I would quite obliviously be caving in someones face with my foot in one of my worse moments. It's not something I'm proud of. At all. But it's something I see no way to change.