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You know you need to get some action when....
Posted: Mon May 10, 2004 2:40 pm
by dragon wench
This past Friday I went to see a friend of mine, which involves a 90 minute ferry ride each way. The scenary is quite pretty...but if you've seen it many times before boredom does tend to set in.
On this particular occasion I was putting my time to good use by writing in my journal, but after a certain point I decided I could not cope with introspection for the remainder of the trip... so I snuck off to the gift shop in search of some mindless reading material. A few moments later I returned to my seat where I furtively opened up a Cosmo magazine... 
I don't normally read this stuff, but it had been a long and stressful few weeks
Within I found this moderately amusing page....
10 Signs You Need To Get Some Action
1. If your mailman were even moderately less obese and didn't have hair on his hands, you'd be all over that
2. Your mother goes out of her way to tell you "those new laws in Vermont and Massachusetts" are just fine with her.
3. You wonder if the models in those Subway ads are already romantically involved
4. In the grocery store you find yourself lingering near the cucumbers
5. You're developing carpal tunnel syndrome and it ain't from typing
6. Try as you may, you just can't remember why you dumped any of your exes
7. The apartment is dusted, your check-book is balanced, and you're finding time to volunteer
8. In your swimsuit, you notice your bikini line scarily ressembles a redwood forest
9. Just moments ago, you agreed to let your parents hook you up with some guy they met on their Be a Better Christian Retreat
10. Your box of condoms has not only expired, but the brand has gone out of business.
Feel free to add
Posted: Mon May 10, 2004 2:58 pm
by Moonbiter
....errr... well, you know you need some action when your wife starts sending you videos of herself from hemhroids of the world marked "For Those Lonely Evenings."
Now, where's that Victoria's Secret thing....
Posted: Mon May 10, 2004 3:03 pm
by Gwalchmai
Originally posted by dragon wench
12. If Gwalchmai was even moderately less obese and didn't have hair on his face, you'd be all over that....
Posted: Mon May 10, 2004 3:15 pm
by Chanak
12. You start cruising the American Legion dance halls looking for polka partners...
13. You practice asking women out in front of your mirror, and you turn yourself down.
14. You dress like a Buddhist monk thinking the chicks will dig it.
Posted: Mon May 10, 2004 3:26 pm
by Ned Flanders
15. You can't stop playing BG2 because you really believe your relationship with Viconia is going places.
Posted: Mon May 10, 2004 3:56 pm
by Gwalchmai
Originally posted by Ned Flanders
15. You can't stop playing BG2 because you really believe your relationship with Viconia is going places.
LOL!
16. You've been playing BG2 so long that you start or participate in a thread called
Anomen where you can discuss all the various nuances of your relationship with the paladin-wannabe with other women who have also had relations with him.....
Posted: Mon May 10, 2004 4:08 pm
by Robnark
Originally posted by Chanak
14. You dress like a Buddhist monk thinking the chicks will dig it.
what, they don't?
and I spent all that money on saffron robes...
Posted: Mon May 10, 2004 4:17 pm
by Therion
17.When you're 25 and still never have had any girlfriend at all..
(what?! Stop looking at me! *hides in the shadows of the forum*)
Posted: Mon May 10, 2004 4:54 pm
by Chanak
Originally posted by Robnark
what, they don't?
and I spent all that money on saffron robes...
Stick with the camos, and blue hair my man.
Posted: Mon May 10, 2004 5:00 pm
by Robnark
Originally posted by Chanak
Stick with the camos, and blue hair my man.
I can do better than camos. got me a gas mask now
on the downside, my favourite dye has gone out of stock, and since I'm looking for work, I'd probably not be allowed to dye it anyway. stupid people.
Posted: Mon May 10, 2004 5:03 pm
by Chanak
Originally posted by Robnark
I can do better than camos. got me a gas mask now
on the downside, my favourite dye has gone out of stock, and since I'm looking for work, I'd probably not be allowed to dye it anyway. stupid people.
Damn, you are cooking with mazola now.
Sounds like a chick magnet. Heroic figure, up in the trees, shooting at innocent passerby with a slingshot, wearing a slick gas mask. Woot.
Posted: Mon May 10, 2004 5:04 pm
by dragon wench
ROFL! These are great, better than the originals actually.. but it is beyond any doubt that the wit of SYM far exceeds the variety found in magazines like Cosmo
@Gwally, LMAO!
erm... well hair on the face isn't a major problem.. unless you are a werewolf...
Posted: Mon May 10, 2004 5:11 pm
by Chanak
Originally posted by dragon wench
ROFL! These are great, better than the originals actually.. but it is beyond any doubt that the wit of SYM far exceeds the variety found in magazines like Cosmo
Where else can you find "10 questions to ask him to find out if he really loves you?", or "100 ways to lose weight without actually doing anything!", or "How to have celebrity hair without salon prices!"
EDIT:
18. Your subscription to Cosmo has expired, and you cry yourself to sleep at night.
Posted: Mon May 10, 2004 5:13 pm
by Robnark
Originally posted by Chanak
Damn, you are cooking with mazola now.
Sounds like a chick magnet. Heroic figure, up in the trees, shooting at innocent passerby with a slingshot, wearing a slick gas mask. Woot.
I call it Post-Apocalyptic Nutjob Chic
no wonder the women love me. and, uh, avoid me like a contagious disease. probably just in awe of me
Posted: Mon May 10, 2004 5:14 pm
by dragon wench
Posted: Mon May 10, 2004 5:14 pm
by Robnark
Originally posted by Chanak
...or "How to have celebrity hair without salon prices!" ...
decapitate celebrities
Posted: Mon May 10, 2004 5:21 pm
by dragon wench
19. You wake up the next morning and go online to renew your Cosmo subscription but first get sidetracked by the porn links your room mate left on your computer
Posted: Mon May 10, 2004 5:35 pm
by Chanak
Originally posted by Robnark
decapitate celebrities
Appropriate, in a quaint, psychotic way.
@DW: LOL! They glare at you from the racks in supermarket checkout lines; usually the cover pic catches my eye.
Posted: Mon May 10, 2004 5:58 pm
by HighLordDave
- You bookmark a link to the Mary-Kate & Ashley Birthday Countdown.
- You need an eye exam every six weeks.
- The pages of your National Geographic stick together.
- You ever think, "What I wouldn't do for a date with Rudi Bakhtiar."
Posted: Mon May 10, 2004 7:49 pm
by der Moench
Uh - you're a monk - ?