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Quarter Life Crisis
Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2003 5:23 am
by Maharlika
I bet a lot of you SYMians can relate to this...
...and I mean A LOT. 
Being Twenty-Something to Thirty-Something
(This puts it all into words perfectly.)
They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.
You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for! one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.
You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.
You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not.
You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where! you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better.
You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.
One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.
You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make decision.
You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2003 5:38 am
by Rob-hin
Normally I partially skip long posts like this...
... but this grabbed me.
Very interesting. I can relate to al lot of things, even though I'm just 21.
Espacially the friends part...
In the end we all go through stuff like this, but if you deal with is in a possitive way, you'll come out stronger.
What's the reason you posted this, if you don't mind me asking?
Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2003 5:47 am
by Maharlika
Originally posted by Rob-hin
What's the reason you posted this, if you don't mind me asking?
Let's just say that I've been away from family and friends for such a long time, being alone gives me a lot of time to pause and reflect.
Being a SYMian added a lot too on how I felt regarding that narrative, which btw, isn't mine. I read it over and over again and I just wanted to share my thoughts with everybody. Afterall it did hit me right through the bone.
Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2003 6:15 am
by Tamerlane
Isn't it more a case of you maturing as an individual as opposed to just following the crowd. I have yet to encounter a lot of what you mentioned at such a young age so I'm not sure if I should be commenting or not.
Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2003 8:52 am
by fable
Bah, it's nothing. Once you pass your fifth century, it's easy. Trust me.
Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2003 9:09 am
by Minerva
Originally posted by fable
Bah, it's nothing. Once you pass your fifth century, it's easy. Trust me.
Somehow you sound very encouraging.
Have you had your midlife crisis yet?
Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2003 9:31 am
by dragon wench
Oh my... reading that hit rather close to home and gave me pause for thought....
I think all of this is normal.... The mid-twenties to the mid-thirties are a period of transition. A time when the impetuosity of innocent youth fades away, and is replaced by a growing wisdom and realisation about self. The fast lights are no longer quite as bright, the fast cars are more controlled and as a result we begin to reflect more upon the individuals we really are. Sometimes they take the form of demons and they cause us profound pain. But I believe this to be necessary, for this road of thorns is also one of knowledge and inner growth.
I think it is also during this period that we confront the reality of being infused by a deep capacity for love, and that it is not necessarily limited to one person.
It is a time when we look at our present path and we wonder if we can see ourselves treading this same road five, ten, fifteen years into the future. Sometimes such a thought gives rise to elation, but other times it engenders fear.
Okay... I have probably waxed enough for now....
*returns for more coffee*
Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2003 9:55 am
by Xandax
Have had a quater-life crises since I hit 12 years old
In some years I'll upgrade it to a mid-life crisis
(or with my expected time of death ... some test I took some time ago - it could be mid-life now
)
Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2003 10:12 am
by Craig
I can relate to that!
Wait I'm fourteen! I have 42 years to live!
Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2003 10:12 am
by fable
Originally posted by Minerva
Somehow you sound very encouraging. Have you had your midlife crisis yet?
To be truthful, I never did. I have to wonder if that's because I was never wrapped up in the values of my contemporaries, the post-WWII baby boom generation. Consumerist pop culture leaves me unmoved, so whether we're celebrating the 50's or the 80's in order to sell a new movie or action figure, it's all one thing, to me.
And if anything, I think today's Internet-conscious generation is more aware and intellectually diverse than the people I grew up around. If an icon of my generation dies, so what? The only icons I worship before are my Wiccan ones. It's a fascinating time to be around.
Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2003 12:44 pm
by Tybaltus
Wow, Mah. Those are some strong feelings. I have felt and thought of many of them, some of which, I have thought of within the last week.
I know I am 19, but I analyze myself all the time. I know the most critical person of me, is myself.
As a person who procrastinates, not much of my analyzation goes to much use, but I know what I WANT to do. Whether I ACTUALLY do it, is completely different.
Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2003 1:09 pm
by Chanak
It all goes downhill from here, Mah. However, take heart...
I will *always* be older than you.
Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2003 2:40 pm
by Der-draigen
Originally posted by Maharlika
You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
That's me
Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2003 6:38 pm
by C Elegans
Mahar, maybe I'm too immature or something, but I honestly do not recognise any of those thoughts (not in my current life, a few I recognise from previous periods)...I had a very difficult time as a teenager, but since 20+ my life has been incredibly good with the exception of a period around my divorce from my ex-husband and meeting my present husband.
I actually believe that the concept of life crisis, any life crisis, is not a question of chronological age as much as it is triggered by the combination of social constructs regarding what a person of a certain age should be like and should have achieved, and factors in that person's life. It is not determined that we should go through certain age-related crisis, instad other factors are the determinants of this. The more satisfied we are with our general life situation and life quality, and the better self-esteem and self-confidence we have, the lesser prone we will be to age-related life crisis since we can easier ignore different normative social values and
be less dependant on other's evaluations of our lives.
Crisis, any type, are hard and painful but also provide opportunity for evaluation of oneself and the choices one has made. Thus, they offer an opportunity for change, for increased self-authenticity and increased possibility to find out what one really wants and values in life.
Originally posted by Maharlika
You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.
Just a word about this: Loving more than one person certainly doesn't make you a bad person! You love your friends, your family, don't you? If you have more than one child, you will love them both. If you have more than one friend, you will love them all. Love is an attachment we form to an
individual, not to merely to the
functions that individual fills for us. That is why love is not a quota, that has a limit. Love cannot just be transfered between people since it is an affinity to that specific person: if you best friends dies, you cannot simply move that same love for that same person, to another friend.
So loving A never dimishes you love for B. However, how that love should be expressed is another question. We have many limited resources like time and energy, and we may also have made agreements about certain things with people we love. Choices concerning those issues may be good or bad, but simply loving people is not.
Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2003 12:05 am
by Maharlika
Well then, not everyone I suppose...
Originally posted by C Elegans
Mahar, maybe I'm too immature or something, but I honestly do not recognise any of those thoughts (not in my current life, a few I recognise from previous periods)...
I actually believe that the concept of life crisis, any life crisis, is not a question of chronological age as much as it is triggered by the combination of social constructs regarding what a person of a certain age should be like and should have achieved, and factors in that person's life.
Crisis, any type, are hard and painful but also provide opportunity for evaluation of oneself and the choices one has made. Thus, they offer an opportunity for change, for increased self-authenticity and increased possibility to find out what one really wants and values in life.
Just a word about this: Loving more than one person certainly doesn't make you a bad person!
So loving A never dimishes you love for B. However, how that love should be expressed is another question. We have many limited resources like time and energy, and we may also have made agreements about certain things with people we love. Choices concerning those issues may be good or bad, but simply loving people is not.
...I wasn't exactly surprised to get these types of comments and insights from you.
Mind, I'm not saying this in a negative light. Your input is well taken.
I'm not one to compare myself and use other people's success (or lack of) as my life's yardstick for success and happiness. I have expectations (self-imposed) and I have yet to reach half of it.
Not having reached them likely triggered this self reflection of my past, present and ponderings of my future.
I would have wanted to be a doctor and I never thought that I'd be a teacher --- and loving it! But what if I pursue my other dream of being a lawyer and join my wife at law school? I dunno.
The only thing that keeps me happy right now is counting my blessings... after all, things could have gotten worse.
Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2003 12:52 am
by fable
Re: I trust Fabster...
Originally posted by Maharlika
...question is, what would life be on my way to the golden century?
DH Laurence once said, "If I'm bored, I'll know I'm very low on energy." The world is a fascinating place; and as long as you keep your energy up, you shouldn't ever have to wonder about whether you will lose your interest in it.