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For educational purposes, and to sate Viv's curiosity.


40 Things Never Said By Southerners

40. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrasslin's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
24. Who's Richard Petty?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on the C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?
12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
09. Checkmate.
08. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
07. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
06. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
05. I don't have a favorite college team.
04. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
03. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
01. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.

Heh. Cute. Having lived nearly a decade each in Texas and North Carolina, I can appreciate that. Of course, it feeds off the strictly redneck, good ole' boys image, but there's more to Southern culture if you care to look. Problem is, it's often stratified along economic lines, thanks to poor schooling and an economic depression which settled into smaller communities after the Civil War--and hasn't left, since.

Rednecks and affection for tobacco aside, I have seldom discovered a group as a whole who were more courteous and gracious than Southerners.

Actually, in Southeast KY, at least my area, there isn't that much more than the good ole boy thing going on.

Although your right about the economics, Most of the coal mines are fading around here, and there really isn't much else to support the area otherwise.

@Bloodstalker, there may be some hidden stuff, a higher cultural/economic group which is hard to discover around you. I suspect it's there. In every Western culture that isn't indigenous, a smaller, wealthier group exists and usually barricades itself from view. The older ideal of large castles and nobles flaunting it in front of the peasants has long been superceded, especially since those peasants are now skilled in the use of firearms. Best to hide on private property far out of sight, and keep one's wealth for one's class.

That's not my view, you understand. But I encountered that in both North Carolina and Texas, working as I did at public radio stations that focused on providing "culture."

Oh, there is definately the people who have wealth here, in actuallity, there are about 4 or 5 people who pretty much own everything around the area. That is part of the problem. They own most everything, and try their hardest to block any attepmt at any kind of business moving in, unless they can gain control over it. This tends to cause business to either stay away, or , if it does come in, to eventually have to pack up and leave.

Of course the county suffers, because while we have a college here, just about anyone who wants to take advantage of the education they recieve has to move away in order to get a job. In fact, the way it is going, it won't be too many years before this turns into more of a retiement community. already, the younger population is thinning in search of employment.

Originally posted by Bloodstalker
Of course the county suffers, because while we have a college here, just about anyone who wants to take advantage of the education they recieve has to move away in order to get a job. In fact, the way it is going, it won't be too many years before this turns into more of a retiement community. already, the younger population is thinning in search of employment.

I suspect that's pretty much standard for many Southern communities. I know it was the case when my wife and I lived in Louisburg, NC. The few really rich families kept all the land, and refused to sell to companies that wanted to build large upscale apartments and housing areas--Raleigh was very expensive, and "bedroom communities" were springing up elsewhere to take advantage of lower costs outside the main city. As a result, Louisburg gave the appearance of remaining stuck in time, but in fact it was fast becoming a community of late middle-aged and elderly people.

That's a phenomenon that we're having in West Virginia, too. It doesn't help that most of the landowners here have historically been of the absentee type (ie-they live out of state), but we are very resistant to change, up to the point were folks would rather starve than see what little power they have taken away.

For instance, our downtown area used to be very prosperous (after all it was the biggest city for about a hundred miles). Then when the Eisenhower Interstate System came through, the merchants successfully blocked it from running near downtown, arguing that it would be an eyesore. A few years later, the same merchants blocked a large mall from being built within the city limits, so it went up to a smaller town up the road . . . and it just happens to be built in a location that can be seen from the interstate.

Guess who's out of business now? Our downtown area is a ghost town. The town up the road is raking in tons of dough through property taxes paid by the mall and its satellite businesses, while we are considering laying off up to 1/3 of the local police force due to budget cuts. The shortsightedness of a few people has bled our city dry because a handful of the area's old money didn't want to lose the power they thought they had, only to have it stripped from them when they were forced out of business.

EDIT-Leave it to fable to hijack a perfectly good spam thread and turn it into a discussion on local politics and economics.

Back to the spam . . .

Other things you won't hear in the south:

A mullet is too a fish.

I'll have a Pepsi, please (all soft drinks in the south are "coke", regardless of the brand).

There's too much chrome on that car.

You can't wear jeans to prom.

My trailer made it through the hurricane okay.

I don't know the words to "Sweet Home Alabama".

Stonewall who?

I hit a deer with my truck and left it there on the roadside.

Re: Back to the spam . . .

Originally posted by HighLordDave
Other things you won't hear in the south:

I'll have a Pepsi, please (all soft drinks in the south are "coke", regardless of the brand).

My first boyfriend was a NorthCarolina man...

We spent days arguing about this. It cannot be a coke if it is not a coca-cola product!

It cannot be a coke if it is not a coca-cola product!

(or an illegal drug)

Sure it can. All carbonated soft drinks are "coke". In some areas there is an exception for root beer.

A typical conversation might go like this:

Earl: "I'm gonna git me sumthin' to drink. Wanna coke?"

Larry Ray: "Yup."

Earl: "Whut kind ya want?"

Larry Ray: "Pepsi."

Soft drinks are all "coke". It's synonymous with "soda" or "pop", as heathens from other parts of the country call them. The flavour is Pespi, Sprite or whatever, but the drink is still a "coke".

Sure it can. All carbonated soft drinks are "coke".

This is true. Having lived in Florida (2 years), Georgia (10 years), and now Tennessee (4 years), I've heard it far too often, from far too many people.

I have, however, solved their dilemma. Call it "pop."

@Fable & Bloodstalker:

I've encountered the upper elite that you refer to. In Augusta, Ga, that elite lives around the golf course, home to the Masters Tournament (called "The Tunamint" by locals) every year. While I worked at a weekly newspaper there, I would encounter various people of this strata daily. In Augusta, however, this strata is disappearing, albeit slowly. Their children have moved to other cities, such as Atlanta.

In Atlanta proper, the Buckhead and Vinings areas are home to this elite (the long established). Outside of the city limits, Roswell, and Sandy Springs (unincorporated), also home to this strata, are actively resisting annexation by the ever-hungry Atlanta. Alpharetta lies directly north of the I-285 "beltway," and is home to high-priced real estate and some rather expensive homes. Many are seeking refuge in these areas as they flee Atlanta's expansion. Alpharetta is home to the newly-arrived elite.

I must note that Atlanta is not your "typical" southern city. A good number of "transplants," many from the North, may be found there. Despite it's unattractiveness, Atlanta has successfully courted many large corporations into locating headquarters there, and the giant UPS is based there as well. Heartsfield International airport has placed it firmly on the map.

Oh, I almost forgot...Atlanta is also the home of "Coke."

Oh, 'shust so y'all know, I'm not a southerner. I was born in New Jersey.

Still, I probably wouldn't want to live in any other area of the US. There is truth to the term "Southern Hospitality." I believe that there are more friendly people per square mile in the southern US than in any other area on the continent. Ok...I've heard that people in Alaska are friendly, too.

@Chanak:
"Pop" is a yankee word. No self-respecting southerner will ever us it as a synonym for a coke. In fact, the only time Pop is ever a noun is when referring to an old man or one's father.

"Pop" is a yankee word. No self-respecting southerner will ever us it as a synonym for a coke

My northeastern cousins would always say "soda." I think Midwesterners might say "pop."

Of course, I know of no true southerner who would use the word. I wouldn't even use it, and I'm a transplant.

Seeing as how my favorite is Coca-Cola anyways, I never run into trouble. When I want something different, I just ask for a Dr. Pepper. (Mountain Dew is yucky)

More facts from the Tyrant book.

Originally posted by Chanak
(Mountain Dew is yucky)

Some drug test will show up postive if you drink the Dew I believe it's the ?dye?

My northeastern cousins would always say "soda." I think Midwesterners might say "pop."

My wife always used to call it pop. Of course, she was raised in St. Louis, which any South Missourian will tell you is pure yankee country.

@fable:

My wife always used to call it pop. Of course, she was raised in St. Louis, which any South Missourian will tell you is pure yankee country.

LOL! The mechanics of it all can make your head swim.

I was just thinking about the various southern dialects I've encountered since I've lived south of the line...and I've found that each state/region has it's own individual twang, as well as their own particular opinions of one another (as you demonstrated above). Only two were nearly identical to me, in most areas: Eastern Alabama and Georgia.

My father, on the other hand - being southern born and bred - can tell where a southerner is from simply by listening to their speech. His accuracy is quite amazing.

More entertaining to me, though, are the dialects of New Englanders.