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Alright, here's a thread you've all been waiting for: The thread of
WHAT TO SAY TO THOSE BLOODY ANNOYING SWINES KEEP A-KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR .

This includes Jehova's Witnesses (but mind the offensive material), Sponge, Mop, and other Sanitary Service Salesmen and People Come To Clean Your Windows, Shower Your Poodles and Buff Your Patio.

any classic lines to put these hard done by devil-children in their place when they approach your house, after a 14-hour day of abuse and horridness, looking ready to cry, or have the earth open up and swallow them? Even the old ones, embittered by years of degradation and shame, just wanting to cause you pain and take your money and your family's money?

One of the best I've heard was when a Jehva's Witness asked wether Jane X had read The Bible:

'I prefer non-fiction'.

The last one to come to my house was selling insurance.

Here is Weasel's sure fired way to get rid of them.


1. When they knock, drop something real heavy on the floor. Still don't answer the door though.
2.Let the knocking continue and then hollar real loud, "No one is home right now"
3.Wait for the reply. One of two is coming your way, first is the "I heard you so you are home" or the second one, "I have some Very Important information for you Mr/Mrs. Blank"
3a. If no reply is forth coming, wait for step one to continue.

4. Wait and let them repeat theirselfs.

5.Hollar "No one is home right now"

6.Continue till they get tired and leave.

Now the good side effect to this is, at the annual "Lets bug our neighbor meeting" they will tell their cohorts and you will be taken off of the "Complete list of quick sales"

ever considered writing a book weasel?

hmmm....
I remember living across the road from some Jehovah's Witnesses when I was young. I also recall quite vividly when they stopped coming to see us. It had something to do with my mother standing at the door telling the to f*** off and not come back. For some strange reason we never saw them again. Whatever works huh?

Ehm...when I was a teenager, I shared flat with one of my best friends for a period. One night when we had been out clubbing, she went home with a guy she met. Early the next morning, the doorbell rang, I knew she used to forget her keys quite often, so I jumped out of bed, wearing only a minimal panties, and opened the door.

It was not her. It was two old ladies with Jehovas witnesses leaflets in their hands. They didn't even open their mouths before they hurried away.

Whatever works, right?

The Weasel in a Hat.

Originally posted by frogus
ever considered writing a book weasel?

At one time I did, but all my efforts are now turn to world domination. I do still keep notes though, so maybe if my bid to take over the world fails, I will sit down and write a best seller.

Originally posted by C Elegans
Ehm...when I was a teenager, I shared flat with one of my best friends for a period. One night when we had been out clubbing, she went home with a guy she met. Early the next morning, the doorbell rang, I knew she used to forget her keys quite often, so I jumped out of bed, wearing only a minimal panties, and opened the door.

It was not her. It was two old ladies with Jehovas witnesses leaflets in their hands. They didn't even open their mouths before they hurried away.

Whatever works, right?

LMAO!! So who turned a deeper shade of red?

@CE : LMAOTIH I wonder what happens if those Jehovas witnesses were men

@Weasel : Count me in ! I'm as evil as Weasel now thanks to Georgi and her Guide So when do we start building "The unholy weapon" ?

I've never had a problem with Jehovah's witnesses, because my dog, who's normally the friendliest sookiest thing you'd ever meet, absolutely hates them and won't stop barking. We don't know how she knew they were Jehovah's witnesses, but she just wouldn't stop snarling. Needless to say, I was very proud of her.

My friend's dad has the best solution. Because they normally want to show you how nice Jehovah's witnesses are, you can get them to do chores around the house for up to an hour and a half in some cases before they realize they're being made fools of.

my dog, who's normally the friendliest sookiest thing you'd ever meet, absolutely hates them and won't stop barking. We don't know how she knew they were Jehovah's witnesses, but she just wouldn't stop snarling

must be that unique odour of theirs...

I just talk to them, ask them question like "Which Bible would that be", i talk to them until they get bored and go away throughly convinced that i don't care about what they have to say and that i will never believe what they do....it is really funny

As for insurance, invite them in offer them coffee, talk to them about football for 2hrs and then they leave because they have a meeting

one of my mum's friends teaches religious studies at her school, and there's nothing more offputting to a jehovas witness as someone who knows more about religious theology than them, and is prepared to talk about it for (literally) two hours

Originally posted by Robnark
one of my mum's friends teaches religious studies at her school, and there's nothing more offputting to a jehovas witness as someone who knows more about religious theology than them, and is prepared to talk about it for (literally) two hours

OMG it's gonna be like the presidential debate

My Mum to the Jehova's Witnesses one time:

Witness: "Do you realise the human race will destroy itself?"
GB's Mum: "We bloody-well deserve to blow ourselves to pieces!"

*Witness leaves*

Originally posted by Mr Flibble

LMAO!! So who turned a deeper shade of red?

They!

posted by Kid
@CE : LMAOTIH I wonder what happens if those Jehovas witnesses were men

I would have been very embarrased if they had been men - I guess they would have been too. I once locked myself out of my own flat when I was out with the garbage - that time I wore panties and a little sleevless shirt. It was quite embarrasing to ring on my neighbours doors and ask if I could use their phone...I think the man in the household was more embarrased than I, though

@Grunt: Go, Gruntie's mom, go!

There's a number of ways to get rid of door to door pests.
1. Keep some very hostile aggressive music ready to play. When person approaches blast the volume (I find punk/speed metal/ or hardcore rap works well.) Let them knock at least twice and then yank the door open without turning the volume down, and snarl "Nothing of interest here" Then close the door.
I wouldn't recommend this if you live in an apartment.
2. Keep large dogs. People aren't eager to talk to you when 2 large barking dogs are trying to get out of your door at them. Although one of mu previous canines cornered a salesman. She wouldn't let him close to the door but she wouldn't let him leave either.

There's other ways of course depending on your sense of humor/ and or depravity
I very rarely get bothered though

some friends and meself found the best way to ensure an undistubed day is to smear a pentagram in ketchup on the front door. works a treat

Funny thing happen today, my lil bro friend dropped by to see him - but apparently he's not at home. Being playfull a bit after reading this thread, I decided to ask him the reason to see my lil bro - since he never visit for so long (he's not vistit for at least 10 years ). Is it my lucky day or what ?? He showed me his name card and told me that he would like to interest my lil bro on Jehova Witness thingy. Then I said calmly : "If you just want to visit and have any business than Jehova thingy you're welcome to come in, but if you want to talk about that Jehova thingy I'm affraid I can't let you in" Being such a die hard fella the guy said "OK, then I'll not talk about the Jehoba thingy - we probably could talk about old times" At this time Oddie, my faithfull dog already stands by my side (I dunno when it approched me). So I calmly reply to him "But still I can't let you in" The guy really annoyed by my attitude this time said "Why not ? I'm gonna talk about any jehova thingy" Finally I said "I dunno about that but you are one of them" Being annoyed completely he gets on his way while I gives him a real EVIL smile

This actually happened to my dad. He had put a sponge on the floor of our garage so he would see it when he comes home and remember to do something. Now, he came home, saw the sponge and remembered that he was supposed to remember something, but didn't remember what. Now he was standing there, still outside, trying to remember and getting quite annoyed when a Jehova's witness showed up and started to talk about God. This annoyed my father even more and he just asked the man "So, if your God is this good, can he tell me why that sponge is lying there?" You should have seen the Jehova's witness's face, he left very, very quickly, probably thought my dad were a complete madman.