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Very very long.
Also there is a problem with the time and age.
Saigo says it is 75 years after the academy went down.
That means a grandfather who was say 25 at that time would be 100 now.
The son would be at minimum of 40 and the grand child could not be in his mid-teens. Unless we make it a couple of generations later, but then it would mess with everything else.

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Faisal had led a very ordinary childhood on a small farm just outside the territory of the elves. Life was simple and hard, with him farming with his father and two younger brothers. The Aziz family, survived on anything and everything they could trade, having lived in the area since their grandfather came up north nearly 75 years ago. They traded mainly with the elves, who came and bought and sold various items from skins to meat. Faisal was the eldest of the three brothers at the age of 17. The other two were Shah age 14 and Ahmed age 10. Due to the hard work of living off the land, the three boys were strong, sturdy and well built. But on top of that their father held 3 hours of training every day.

Their grandfather had been a Paladin following the God of Justice, there were suspicions within the boys that there was much more to their grandfather than their father told them. Even at the ripe old age of 100 plus, their grandfather could beat them in sword fights and was as healthy as a horse. Their father was a strict disciplinarian and was also just as good as their grandfather at the arts of war. It was decided on from a very early age that each child would follow the family lineage and at the age of 18 would become Paladins. Their father did not join an order, for a reason not known to the sons, but it was his wish, as well as the wish of their grandfather, that the boys all become paladins. Thus from an early age they were all taught how to fight with various weapons, as well as learning the code of conducts of a paladin and the lore of their God.

Summer was waning, and with winter fast approaching, it was decided that Faisal would move to __________ at the end of the season to being his induction into a Paladin order. But it was not to be. A week before he was to leave Faisal set off with his youngest brother Ahmed to trade with the elves for necessary items needed for the winter. The journey was less than ¼ of a day’s journey, but there was foul weather which hampered their voyage. The two boys returned to their home late in the evening to see it alight with fire and their family battling half a dozen horrid creatures which Faisal had never imagined existed. What was even more amazing was the way their mother was chanting spell after spell, to aid their father and grandfather. Faisal stood there just shocked, his grand father was wearing armor of bright silver and emerald green wielding a great sword of a similar color. His father on the other hand was dual-wielding a mace and long sword, which were in crimson red and emerald green. The only thing the armor and weapons of the two older men was the emblem of a banshee.

The six demons, as his grandfather later called them, were quickly killed, while both Faisal and Ahmed rode into see if their families was alright. Their mother seeing the children groaned, as she knew they would have questions to everything. She of course was right, it is not everyday that children see their parents fighting off demons. Before Faisal could say a word, he and his brother were ordered off to find Shah, and then to come home right away for dinner. Not willing to anger his mother after such an awesome display of power, Faisal grudgingly ran off to the house to see where his brother had been told to hide, while Ahmed followed suit to scared to stay around. The three brothers were quickly down, where the elders were waiting for them.

Their grandfather broke the silence laughing at their faces, which was a mixture of grief, horror, surprise and awe. Motioning them to sit down, their grandfather told the three for the first time, the true nature of their family history. Their Grandfather had a been a Paladin instructor at the academy, where their father had also studied, thus they bought wore the symbol of the banshee. Their mother had just joined the academy, when tragedy struck. From then on the 3 boys sat dumbfounded for nearly 4 hours, while their Grandfather, Father and Mother explained the history of the Academy and the Guard before that, as well as the curse which had befallen the group.
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It is one page in word, so it is pretty long.
And it is not done yet either.
The other two brothers, would be friends of mine if they decided to play NWN, so i am leaving an opening for them to hook up with me later.
They don't have to join the banshee to play with me right?
And one may want to join the blades if he has time.

Editted: Spacing noted and fixed.

Umm, just one little problem. *puts on his anti-flame suit*

Could you seperate your paragraphs with a space, it would make it easier to read.

As for your pals, you could play with anyone really.

Can't wait for the next bit. It's quite good

Yeah CM, it reads away easely. Very well written.

Very good read CM, I enjoyed it very much, I agree with Tamerlane about the spacing, but otherwise that should be very interesting to pursue!

I honestly enjoyed it as well, CM. Be sure to send it to Rhino and/or Pranker at the Argyle Boards. I'm sure they can give some comments to help make it better, such as location and setting and whatnot.

Yep - I thought good. When is the next installment?

Originally posted by CM
Very very long.
Also there is a problem with the time and age.
Saigo says it is 75 years after the academy went down.
That means a grandfather who was say 25 at that time would be 100 now.
The son would be at minimum of 40 and the grand child could not be in his mid-teens. Unless we make it a couple of generations later, but then it would mess with everything else.

While it is still possible to have a teen-aged grandchild for a character, you are not limited to that. The TATers wanted our characters to be at least three generations down the line. Your character could be a great-grandchild. The reason for the extra years was to give the longer-lived races a chance to produce granchildren. As it is, the elves will have to work really fast to get young adult grandchildren in only 75 years.

Good work, BTW. Although, if you are going to submit it to Pranker, you'll want to develope the character a bit more -- what's his personality like, what is his biggest weakness or flaw, and what is it about him that makes him different from everybody else?

My updated bio:

NWN Character Background

Faisal had led a very ordinary childhood on a small farm just outside the territory of the elves. Life was simple and hard, with him farming with his father and two younger brothers. The Aziz family, survived on anything and everything they could trade, having lived in the area since their grandfather came up north nearly 75 years ago. They traded mainly with the elves, who came to buy and sell various items from skins to meat. Faisal was the eldest of the three brothers at the age of 17. The other two were Aamir age 15 and Ahmed age 13. Due to the hard work of living off the land, the three boys were strong, sturdy and well built. But on top of that their father held 3 hours of training every day.

Their grandfather had been a Paladin following the God of Justice; there were suspicions within the boys that there was much more to their grandfather than their father told them. Even at the ripe old age of 100 plus, their grandfather could beat them in sword fights and was as healthy as a horse. Their father was a strict disciplinarian and was also just as good as their grandfather at the arts of war. It was decided on from a very early age that each child would follow the family lineage and at the age of 18 would become Paladins. Their father did not join an order, for a reason not known to the sons, but it was his wish, as well as the wish of their grandfather, that the boys all become paladins. Thus from an early age they were all taught how to fight with various weapons, as well as learning the code of conducts of a paladin and the lore of their God.

Summer was waning, and with winter fast approaching, it was decided that Faisal would move to __________ at the end of the season to being his induction into a Paladin order. But it was not to be. A week before he was to leave Faisal set off with his youngest brother Ahmed to trade with the elves for necessary items needed for the winter. The journey was less than ¼ of a day’s journey, but there was foul weather, which hampered their voyage. The two boys returned to their home late in the evening to see it alight with fire and their family battling half a dozen horrid creatures, which Faisal had never imagined existed. What was even more amazing was the way their mother was chanting spell after spell, to aid their father and grandfather. Faisal stood there just shocked; his grand father was wearing armour of bright silver and emerald green wielding a great sword of a similar colour. His father on the other hand was dual-wielding a mace and long sword, which were in crimson red and emerald green. The only thing the armour and weapons of the two older men was the emblem of a banshee.

The six demons, as his grandfather later called them, were quickly killed; while both Faisal and Ahmed rode into see if their family was all right. Their mother seeing the children groaned, as she knew they would have questions to everything. She of course was right, it is not everyday that children see their parents fighting off demons. Before Faisal could say a word, he and his brother were ordered off to find Aamir, and then to come home right away for dinner. Not willing to anger his mother after such an awesome display of power, Faisal grudgingly ran off to the house to see where his brother had been told to hide, while Ahmed followed suit too scared to stay around. The three brothers were quickly down, where the elders were waiting for them.

Their grandfather broke the silence laughing at their faces, which was a mixture of grief, horror, surprise and awe. Motioning them to sit down, their grandfather told the three for the first time, the true nature of their family history. Their Grandfather had been a Paladin instructor at the academy, where their father had also studied, thus they bought wore the symbol of the banshee. Their mother had just joined the academy, when tragedy struck. From then on the 3 boys sat dumbfounded for nearly 4 hours, while their Grandfather, Father and Mother explained the history of the Academy and the Guard before that, as well as the curse, which had befallen the group. When all this was covered, their grandfather brought a sliver and green colored book. It was his diary, but of the days when he first joined the academy, and it also contained entries by their father as well. Each son was given the diary to read over for the next couple of days, so that they could clearly know their future and their past.

The 3 youngsters were dumbstruck and couldn’t say much for the next couple of days after each had read the diary. They kept to themselves, each on his own, thinking and digesting all that they had been told and read. Faisal was shocked about his family history, but even then not really. He had always felt there was more to the family, than simple farming. He felt confused, anxious, elated and fearful all at once. Elated because he had always wanted to do something more than simple farming. Though the idea of joining a Paladin order was one he grew up with, he had always felt that he could not accomplish the task. A simple farmers son could not join a strong famous Paladin order and climb the ranks like everybody else. Though his parents had said he was more than able to perform the task, due to his strength and natural charisma, he felt he lacked the intelligence and wit to become a Paladin.

He was confused, anxious and fearful of what might befall the family in the future. The demons had hounded his grandfather and parents for 75 years and they had finally found them. There would be more on their way, there was no doubt about that, his grandfather had said. So what should he do? He cannot in good conscience leave his family and head off for the Paladin Order. No, that would not be acceptable. He would stay with the family and help in every way possible. Faisal was jolted out of his deep thought due to shouting coming from downstairs.

Rushing down to see if more demons had attacked, Faisal was relieved to see it was only his father screaming. About what he did not know, so he quietly slipped in and stood in the corner listening. It seemed from the conversation that his two brothers had finally told their parents and grandfather that they don’t want to be Paladins. What they wanted to be, they did not know, but they did not want to be Paladins. Their father was fuming mad. While his mother was giddy and bursting with joy. She had been against the training of the kids, and just wanted them to live a normal existence as average people. Not children born with a curse of the banshee with the need to become Paladins.

Their father turned to Faisal and asked if he had decided to change his future as well. He answered in the negative to the great relief of his father. His grandfather had been quiet the whole time this episode had taken place. Suddenly clearing his throat, their grandfather said that the two young ones would be allowed to choose whatever profession they wish as long as it is not a vile practice. They would not be allowed to change their devotion under any circumstances.

The two quickly nodded their heads in agreement, while their father just sulked after being overruled by his father. Faisal breaking the silence asked, what would happen now, since the sons knew the history and also the danger. Their grandfather was quick to answer. He said that Faisal would be off to join the Paladin order, while the rest stayed at home, until they decided what to do. Faisal was infuriated that he would be sent off while the family was going to have to deal with the demons without him. A large argument ensued, which ended up with Faisal stalking out of the house and heading for the forest.

After grumbling and sulking for a good deal of time, Faisal’s hunger got the best of him and he decided to return home. Running quickly to make sure he got hot food, Faisal fell dead in his tracks when he arrived at the place where his housed once stood. Now the land was washed in blood and bodies of foul creatures so numerous, that he could not count. The smell was revolting, but the first thought of his was of his family. Running like a madman, to the charred remains of his home, Faisal quickly searched though the structure to find no sign of his family. They had all survived, so it seemed. Though they must be injured and in the need of help.

Gathering up his belongings, and his grandfather’s diary of when he was at the Academy, Faisal leaves the former building. Knowing that his parents would head to the safety of the nearest city, where the population would cause problems for the demon hunters, Faisal heads in the direction of the nearest city. As Faisal walked, he noticed a steady stream of blood, lot of blood on the grass and other portions of the countryside. Quickening his pace Faisal hopes he will be with is family quickly…