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Throughout every episode of the Simpsons I have seen one question still remains unanswered.

Is Waylan Smithers gay?

What do you think?

Yes. He has told men that he loves them.

I get the weird feeling that this thread may not last as long as I had hoped it would.

Yes, he is......

and he may be a pervy hobbit-fancier

I can't see how this thread can possibly proceed without violating Buck's rules, but I'm open to ideas along that line. Come up with some, and I'll leave it open to discussion.

Originally posted by fable
I can't see how this thread can possibly proceed without violating Buck's rules, but I'm open to ideas along that line. Come up with some, and I'll leave it open to discussion.

Inspired by fable's comment I actually took time to read the SYM rules and I cannot see how this thread is even close to violating those rules. So far there's only been speculation about sexual orientation of a comic character! This comic character cannot be hurt, whatever we can come up with saying about him. And if we don't make offensive comments against gay people, then what's the problem? Really?!?

Or did I miss the joke here? Nowadays people have problems recognising sarcasm, if it's not underlined with smileys, and I'd hate to be like that too...

Hey! Instead of Ned Flanders, I was very close to selecting Monty Burns as my name. If I had:

1.) This thread would offend me.

2.) I could answer your question.



Excellent Smithers, or should I say, fabulous.

From the Simpsons website

Waylon Smithers

How many people can say they love their jobs as much as Waylon Smithers? As the personal assistant to C. Montgomery Burns, Smithers enjoys an intimacy with power that most people will never experience. His responsibilities include driving Mr. Burns, peddling him on a tandem bike, cleaning and maintaining his denture collection (including Burns' prized fang dentures) and calling employees into Burns' office to be fired. Outside of work, Smithers spends his time collecting Malibu Stacy dolls, using his computer (with its Mr. Burns screensaver) and going on vacation at men's singles resorts. His greatest ambition is for Mr. Burns to respond to his loving devotion; short of that, he'd like to own the latest life-size Malibu Stacy outfit.

From reading the above--if SYMers were Simpson's characters, would Fable be Mr. Burns?

Re: From the Simpsons website

Originally posted by VoodooDali
Waylon Smithers

How many people can say they love their jobs as much as Waylon Smithers? As the personal assistant to C. Montgomery Burns, Smithers enjoys an intimacy with power that most people will never experience. His responsibilities include driving Mr. Burns, peddling him on a tandem bike, cleaning and maintaining his denture collection (including Burns' prized fang dentures) and calling employees into Burns' office to be fired. Outside of work, Smithers spends his time collecting Malibu Stacy dolls, using his computer (with its Mr. Burns screensaver) and going on vacation at men's singles resorts. His greatest ambition is for Mr. Burns to respond to his loving devotion; short of that, he'd like to own the latest life-size Malibu Stacy outfit.

LOL! Not to mention listening to his "It's raining men" record. So, either his gay, or he really enjoys his work and likes his boss, "happens" to have sort of unusual interests and hobbies and does not date with women much...

Originally posted by VoodooDali

From reading the above--if SYMers were Simpson's characters, would Fable be Mr. Burns?

"Excellent! In that case I think I would be Hans Moleman.

No! Wait! I am Hans Moleman.........

"I'm really 30 years old. Alcohol ruined my body"....

Don't forget "Homer's Phobia" when Whalen and John meet in the diner.

Smither: "John!"
John: "Uhhh, Whalen! Meet the Simpsons."
Smithers: "I know the Simpsons....So this is your sick mother?"
John: "Don't do this to me, Whalen..."

I think it's perfectly obvious. Smithers can be none other than Whalen Smithers, Jr.

And let's leave it at that.

Smithers is so far out of the closet that I can't see how there can be any doubt about his sexual orientation. Witness his computer startup: An almost nude digital rendering Mr. Burns that says (words cut and pasted from various different sentences) "Hello Smithers. You're quite good at turning me on." Then there's a more recent episode where we find out that Smither's father was killed saving the power plant from meltdown but Burns told Waylon that his father was killed by a tribe of savage women (didn't have any effect on him ). And how can we forget his fantasy about Mr. Burns flying in through his bedroom window? The real question is why he's attracted to a 104 year old man who's completly evil. I think it’s a nice twist though. How many villains have flunkies totally devoted to them? At least with Smithers we find out why he’s loyal.

Okay, I'll buy it, though I never thought you'd be able to navigate the snickering pitfalls of this one. We've had far more innocent threads go so far to hell that Buck jumped in, breathing sulfur and closing things down.

And no, I don't think I'd be Mr. Burns. I'm not rich, and I don't focus on money, because I'm an idiot. Maybe I could pass at times for that Scottish guy who shows up, growling at people.

Most evidence would definitely suggest that Smithers is gay, and I personally believe he is. But here's some evidence that says he's probably not gay, but desparately lacks a father-figure. Smither's dead is killed in a nuclear accident when he is very young. Mr. Burns told him that a band of Amazon woman killed his father. I think this is where the women-phobia begins. I think Smithers lacks a masculine figure, and Mr. Burns isn't exactly man-material. He's more like a withered corpse. So Smithers sees Mr. Burns as a father figure, and harbors some sort of obsession due to ridicoulously amount of time spent with Burns.

The real question is: Are Lenny and Karl gay?

Originally posted by fable
And no, I don't think I'd be Mr. Burns. I'm not rich, and I don't focus on money, because I'm an idiot. Maybe I could pass at times for that Scottish guy who shows up, growling at people.

So you are really muscular fellow who wears a skirt?!?!?

Originally posted by Moleman
So you are really muscular fellow who wears a skirt?!?!?

No; and I really don't want to know how your unique system of logic operates.

But if it makes you feel any better, I enjoy bagpipe music on occasion. And I've got a friend who wears a philibeg.

Originally posted by fable


No; and I really don't want to know how your unique system of logic operates.

But if it makes you feel any better, I enjoy bagpipe music on occasion. And I've got a friend who wears a philibeg.

System of logic... what's that? Is it something to eat, perhaps a traditional Scottish meal?

Your friend wears a kilt? Then, if you don't mind, could you ask him for me something I'd been wondering. How does it feel - does he feel "windy" or otherwise "naked" when wearing such garment?

I think Fable's more the Principal Skinner type, myself.

Originally posted by fable
Okay, I'll buy it, though I never thought you'd be able to navigate the snickering pitfalls of this one. We've had far more innocent threads go so far to hell that Buck jumped in, breathing sulfur and closing things down.

And no, I don't think I'd be Mr. Burns. I'm not rich, and I don't focus on money, because I'm an idiot. Maybe I could pass at times for that Scottish guy who shows up, growling at people.

But you do have quite the denture collection...