The Devil's Dictionary
Posted: Thu Mar 07, 2002 11:05 pm
Ambrose Bierce was a brillant writer, journalist, and cynic who fought in the American Civil War, and lived outthe remainder of his known life in San Francisco. He grew increasingly embittered with humanity (he was known as "Bitter Bierce"), until he finally decided that he was going to go off and meet the Mexican revolutionary Poncho Villa, whom he said had the right idea about government. In his mid 50's, he vanished, and was never seen again.
His Devil's Dictionary was published only after many of Bierce's epigrammatic definitions began being ripped off by others. I thought I'd put in here a fair sampling, for both better, and worse:
Funeral, n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.
Fidelity, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
Liar, n. A lawyer with a roving commission.
Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Prejudice, n. A vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
Presidency, n. The greased pig in the field game of American politics.
Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christain religion; in Constantinople, one who does.
Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder.
Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
Battle, n. A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that would not yield to the tongue.
Wedding, n. A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
His Devil's Dictionary was published only after many of Bierce's epigrammatic definitions began being ripped off by others. I thought I'd put in here a fair sampling, for both better, and worse:
Funeral, n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.
Fidelity, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
Liar, n. A lawyer with a roving commission.
Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Prejudice, n. A vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
Presidency, n. The greased pig in the field game of American politics.
Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christain religion; in Constantinople, one who does.
Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder.
Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
Battle, n. A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that would not yield to the tongue.
Wedding, n. A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
