English As She is Spoke
Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2002 11:32 am
There was a book published in 1883 with the title, "English As She is Spoke." It was purportedly by one Pedro Carolino, who was Portugese, and may be called the worst phrasebook ever written. What most people don't bother to find out is that the book was actually written by an American journalist as a satire. Regardless, I think it's one of the funniest things in the language, particularly if you sit and figure out how some of the strangest results originated. Here are a few excerpts:
FAMILIAR PHRASES
Go to send for.
Have you say that?
Have you understand that he says?
At what purpose have say so?
Put your confidence in my.
At what o'clock dine him?
Apply you at the study during that you are young.
Dress your hairs.
Sing an area.
These apricots and these peaches make me and to come water in the mouth.
How do you can it to deny?
Wax my shoes.
This is that I have think.
That are the dishes whose you must be and to abstain.
This meat ist not too over do.
This ink is white.
This room is filled of bugs.
This girl have a beauty edge.
It is a noise which to cleave the head.
This wood is full of thief's.
Tell me, it can one to know?
Give me some good milk newly get out.
To morrow hi shall be entirely (her master) or unoccupied.
She do not that to talk and to cackle.
Dry this wine.
He laughs at my nose, he jest by me.
He has spit in my coat.
He has me take out my hairs.
He does me some kicks.
He has scratch the face with hers nails.
He burns one's self the brains.
He is valuable his weight's gold.
He has the world for to laugh.
He do the devil at four.
He make to weep the room.
He was fighted in duel.
They fight one's selfs together.
He do want to fall.
It must never to laugh of the unhappies.
FAMILIAR DIALOGUES
For to see the town.
Anthony, go to accompany they gentilsmen, do they see the town.
We won't to see all that is it remarquable here.
Admire this master piece gothic architecture's.
The chasing of all they figures is astonishing indeed.
The streets are very layed out by line and too paved.
There is it also hospitals here?
It not fail them.
What are then the edifices the worthest to have seen?
It is the arsnehal, the spectacle's hall, the cusiom-house and the Purse.
We are going too see the others monuments such that the public pawnbroker's office, the plants garden's the money office's, the library.
To inform one'self of a person.
How is that gentilman who you did speak by and by.
Is a German.
Tongh he is German, he speak so much well italyan, french, spanish, and english, that among the Italyans, they believe him Italyan, he speak the frenche as the Frenches himselves. The Spanishesmen belie ve him Spanishing, and the Englishes, Englisman.
It is difficult to enjoy well so much several languages.
FAMILIAR PHRASES
Go to send for.
Have you say that?
Have you understand that he says?
At what purpose have say so?
Put your confidence in my.
At what o'clock dine him?
Apply you at the study during that you are young.
Dress your hairs.
Sing an area.
These apricots and these peaches make me and to come water in the mouth.
How do you can it to deny?
Wax my shoes.
This is that I have think.
That are the dishes whose you must be and to abstain.
This meat ist not too over do.
This ink is white.
This room is filled of bugs.
This girl have a beauty edge.
It is a noise which to cleave the head.
This wood is full of thief's.
Tell me, it can one to know?
Give me some good milk newly get out.
To morrow hi shall be entirely (her master) or unoccupied.
She do not that to talk and to cackle.
Dry this wine.
He laughs at my nose, he jest by me.
He has spit in my coat.
He has me take out my hairs.
He does me some kicks.
He has scratch the face with hers nails.
He burns one's self the brains.
He is valuable his weight's gold.
He has the world for to laugh.
He do the devil at four.
He make to weep the room.
He was fighted in duel.
They fight one's selfs together.
He do want to fall.
It must never to laugh of the unhappies.
FAMILIAR DIALOGUES
For to see the town.
Anthony, go to accompany they gentilsmen, do they see the town.
We won't to see all that is it remarquable here.
Admire this master piece gothic architecture's.
The chasing of all they figures is astonishing indeed.
The streets are very layed out by line and too paved.
There is it also hospitals here?
It not fail them.
What are then the edifices the worthest to have seen?
It is the arsnehal, the spectacle's hall, the cusiom-house and the Purse.
We are going too see the others monuments such that the public pawnbroker's office, the plants garden's the money office's, the library.
To inform one'self of a person.
How is that gentilman who you did speak by and by.
Is a German.
Tongh he is German, he speak so much well italyan, french, spanish, and english, that among the Italyans, they believe him Italyan, he speak the frenche as the Frenches himselves. The Spanishesmen belie ve him Spanishing, and the Englishes, Englisman.
It is difficult to enjoy well so much several languages.
