Euro-English
Posted: Mon May 14, 2001 8:19 am
The Europeon Commission has just annouced an agreement whereby English will become the official langauge of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the neogotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan to what would be known as "Euro-english"
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, tis will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up any konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the the languag is disgrasful, and they should go away. Also, unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "eo" when sounding like "e"
By the fourth year, pepl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z"and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor troubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen, ve vil tak over ze vorld!!
As part of the neogotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan to what would be known as "Euro-english"
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, tis will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up any konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the the languag is disgrasful, and they should go away. Also, unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "eo" when sounding like "e"
By the fourth year, pepl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z"and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor troubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen, ve vil tak over ze vorld!!
