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1. Silence (Sonata Arctica)

Top ten embarrassing emergencies relating to sex.

10. Getting your penis stuck in a bottle and having to have it removed :laugh: (the bottle, I mean )

*blinks* You're bringing this up on a weekend when I'd have access to it? :laugh:

9.) Having the girl I was with have to fend off her 8 year old brother screaming "Get offa my sister you're hurting her!" and explain what was going on in the middle of umm, as DW put it, "unconventional sex".

8.) Having my drinking buddies pick the lock on my bedroom door to catch a peek of my fun.

7.) The day in the bookstore, when we had to stop in the middle of fun and rearrange the books that fell of the shelves. An hour of fun turned into 2 hours of resorting and stocking novels for the two of us.

Well, I was talking about medical emergencies, but maybe I should have made it more clear.

Ah well.

6. Carpet burns.

[QUOTE=shana]6. Carpet burns.[/QUOTE]

:laugh: Oh, right on. Rug burn hurts like all hell for days after some good fun. Still, sometimes you just can't beat on your hands and knees, on the floor action. That's good traction and leverage, let me tell you.

@ Damuna, Yes, yes you should have. Medical emergency you say? Hmmm....

5. Being rushed to the hospital by your girlfriend because you are in need of stitches from an experiment with a whip. Yeah, that's embarrassing.

Not so much embarrassing as just creepy:

4) Having your girlfriend's skeevy step-dad tell you he was listening at the bedroom door last night.

Creepy? Meh. I was open minded and tried something new. Never again...never again.

Yeah, that's no good. Luckily, the whole parents getting involved thing really wasn't a problem aside from Pattie and Lina. Well, and Jenica when she left home to live with me and her father offered her paid tuition to leave me, then didn't pay. OH, that was just cold. I should shoot that bastard.

3. Those random noises that sound suspiciously like breaking wind when air is being forced out of...umm. I think people who have had experience with this know where I am going with this yes? I don't need to go further for non-virgins, aye?

[QUOTE=Magrus]3. Those random noises that sound suspiciously like breaking wind when air is being forced out of...umm. I think people who have had experience with this know where I am going with this yes? I don't need to go further for non-virgins, aye?[/QUOTE]
Round these parts, we call that a "queef".

2. Being confronted at work by your girlfriend's aunt's sister-in-law's friend's sister's daughter about how your girlfriend's mother suspects you of taking her daughter's virginity when you actually haven't, and having to decide between being a gentleman and telling the truth or saving face in front of "the guys at work" and building up the issue.

Hmm, we call some of those that too, however that doesn't cover all of those sounds.

1. Having your girlfriend's cousin's dog wake the cousin up, and have the cousin stomp over to shout at the girlfriend, call you "gringo" and curse in Spanish in the midst of you being naked and getting some. *sighs* Fun times with Lori.

I think I get to pick the next top 10 eh? Oh, yeah...this is good stuff!

Top ten drunken moments. Gimme something good folks!

10. Being hammered on Jaeger, wandering the mall, and grabbing the midget wandering around the mall in front of me as I yelled "It's so tight it squeeks!" as she made odd noises of surprise.

[QUOTE=Magrus]10. Being hammered on Jaeger, wandering the mall, and grabbing the midget wandering around the mall in front of me as I yelled "It's so tight it squeeks!" as she made odd noises of surprise.[/QUOTE]
I just about died laughing.

9. Drinking a 26er of gin, and a handful of beers and caffeinated liquor drinks before going out to a bar to drink, ditching your friends on the sidewalk to chat up under-aged girls high on mushrooms, forgetting where your friends went, hiding in a bush to collect yourself (getting grass stains all over your shirt in the process), randomly recovering your friends and going to the pre-planned bar, being a drunken idiot the whole night, and ending up meeting a wicked hot girl (on her birthday) and dating her for a few months afterward.

8. Getting so drunk on rum punch that I walked into a glass door and almost broke my nose. All in front of my parents! They felt sorry for me and let me sleep extra late.

That sounds like wicked fun. :laugh: And yeah, my buddies were forced to lean up against the walls in order to stay upright while laughing during that episode. I was so proud.

@ Shana, Oooh, that's drunk. Great parents I have to say!

7. The night Scotts mother made fun of me at Scotts new appartment. I fired back, "How's your 20 year old boyfriend like those gum-jobs?" to which she stuttered and I shot another one "Is it dry enough to require a crop duster to see to it everything works right?". Which produced a strange growling noise and "OOOOH!" from the peanut gallery, and because I was full of rum, vodka and tequila, we went for round three. "Did you ask his mommy for permission before popping his cherry?" At which point, Scott's mother went home, cursing like the drunken Irish women she is, and I got lectured on being "nice" to the elderly. :laugh:

6. Having the benefit of your family thinking you drink far, far more than you actually do, and having them pass judgement on you for it, thus enabling you to drink as much as they previously thought you did without having to deal with any new admonishment.

5. I just finished my bottle of wine.

4. The Christmas Eve night my 2nd step-mother was hammered off of wine and blurted out "Wait, Mike's not a virgin anymore?!" in front of my whole family on my fathers side. I started drinking, heavily. My aunt started feeding me drinks and saying "I am so sorry." I didn't care, none of them had any CLUE as to my sexual habits. I just used it as an excuse to get hammered and make fun of grandma. That was the year she made grandpa drive home from upstate NY all the way to New Burn, NC on Christmas Eve. Hehe. :laugh:

3. Drinking my face off for a work Christmas party, then going into work when I had been off for three months, and doing a better job still drunk than the sober new employees. And doing it for free because I am awesome.

2. I was trying to convince my friends that they should drive me to the boats (that's Southern for casino), and they kept saying we had been drinking too much. So as I was persuading them that we were all good to go, I fell down in front of them. They still bring this up, 5 years later!!

[QUOTE=Aramant]3. Drinking my face off for a work Christmas party, then going into work when I had been off for three months, and doing a better job still drunk than the sober new employees. And doing it for free because I am awesome.[/QUOTE]

Oh, that's friggin sweet! I do better cooking with a buzz on than not if I know where everything is actually.

@ Shana, You sound like you drink like I do....

1. Accepting a bet to chug a liter of Southern Comfort and make filthy, sexual comments towards the gorgeous girl working at the burger joint in the food court at the mall. I won $30, and the girl said I was naughty and adorable. Woot for not being afraid to say what I really want to eat.

I think I'm too drunk to pick another top 10. Anyone else want another go? Otherwise, it's going to be perverted, and who knows where this will lead.

[QUOTE=Magrus]I think I'm too drunk to pick another top 10. Anyone else want another go? Otherwise, it's going to be perverted, and who knows where this will lead.[/QUOTE]
Where this leads is where I want to go. Also, my lights are out and I've been drinking, so typing is a chore. Be prepared to forgive typos.

OK Mag, give us some life! Don't know if I can keep up, though.