Things An Oblivion NPC Would NEVER Say. **Spoiler Possibility**

[Siberys]

Well, since morrowind had one and now oblivion is out, let's have some fun shall we.

Imperial Guard- "Hey hey, look at this, you can't kill me that easily anymore because we're not in morrowind."

PC- "Who said I was gonna kill you, you guys gave me money for finding the gray fox."

Imperial- "Ooooh, is that the best ya got son? I think it's time we guards taught this punk a lesson. GUARDS!'

And suddenly 50 guards rush over to the PC and kill him for no reason!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NPC- "They say that when you murder someone the dark brotherhood visits you in your sleep. That's how they recruit new members."

PC- "Oh really, cause that's what every other person has said to me today, it might just be true. Let's find out."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bandit- "Dude, this is sweet, I just got a daedric axe because some dude leveled up a few times."

Bandit 2- "Really, damn, I'm still stuck with this dwarven axe. Oh, hey, here comes someone, let's kill'em."

Bandit 1- "Oh crap, he set the difficulty on easy, this Daedric Axe means nothin now, CRAP!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mehrunes Dagon- "So, how exactly did you go about killing that guy?"

Dagoth Ur- "Ahh, well, basically I invited him into my house and told him I was going to kill him, but instead, he just really started hurting me. Ticked me off. Meh, oh well, how was your try with him?"

Dagon- "Oh, I was summoned to the imperial city, I started smashing things, it all went well till that guy summoned somethin to vanquish me. Though, I did have a LOT of fun."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PC- "You want me to WHAT?!"

Guard- "We need you to close that oblivion gate from the inside, it's probably dangerous and you might not make it back, but I have confidence in you."

PC- "Screw this, I'll just get a job at the Hammer and Tongs blacksmith. buh bye!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Imperial Archer- "where did all the cliff racers go? OH, a deer, time to suck at shooting again."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PC- "Dude, this blade is frickin sweet. Akavari katana's are awesome, I feel sorry for the chick who just died though."

Blade Member- "You recovered her Akavari Katana, at least that, I thank you."

Akavari Katana removed from inventory.

PC- "What?! I never said you could take that!"

[bushwhacker2k]

Townsperson: Aren't we generic?

Townsperson 2: Aren't we generic?

---

Monster 1: Hey, did you hear the emperor got killed?

Monster 2: Yeah! Wow, the empires going to be in dissaray.

Monster 1: Yeah, I guess we should get back to work now.

[nightinferno]

Begger: One more coin and I can buy a pair of shoes

PC: How about I just give you a pair of shoes. *gives shoes and walks away*

Begger: *throws shoes on the ground* Well now how am I gonna get some cheap wine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Imperial Guard: You need to go into the gate, shut it, and save our town from impending doom. It'll be dangerous but I have faith in you.

PC: Screw you guys, I'm going to Morrowind

[yrthwyndandfyre]

From an old George Carlin act (Class Clown):
"Please saw my legs off."
"Do what you want to the girl, but leave me alone!"
"Hand me that piano."

[ammama]

LOL. oblivion comedy.

soz if this is off topic a bit but there is an NPC, Maiq the Liar, who has some laughs to tell. I think he's the game creators' way of inserting some not so subtle subliminal messages.

[galraen]

Bystander watching a fight: 'Why did that idiot just do a pirouette in the middle of a battle .... Oh, never mind, he won't do it again.'

Fellow bystander 'Seriously though, why do they commit suicide like that, surely it would be simpler to jump off the White Tower? I mean he really left himself wide open to that backstab!'

[Loki[D.d.G]]

Guard after being accidentally hit by PC in a fight: "I'm on your side!"

PC: "Oh yeah? Not anymore bub!"

Casts Paralyze on guard and then Invisibility on self to watch as guard gets hacked to pieces by the enemy whilst lying helplessly on the ground.