Your chance to win the codename!!

Minerva · #1 (**permalink**) 01-28-2003, 01:52 AM

Send your idea of the codename for the forthcoming war against Saddam and win super prize!

(Following quote is from article "Keep It Simple", The Times 27 Jan 2003.)

Quote:

Dear Mr Secretary of Defense,

Following the Pentagon’s request for suitable codenames for forthcoming military operations in Iraq, I authorised a meeting of the Defense Department’s Special Operations Creative Theme Team, including two Hollywood scriptwriters, a Madison Avenue copywriter, the senior Professors of Literature at Yale and Harvard, the US Armed Forces Chief of Public Relations and a token representative of MoD London, under my chairmanship.

Previous names used in this zone of conflict include Desert Shield, Desert Storm and Desert Fox, thus limiting specific use of the word “desert”, though attendant geophysical references (see below) were considered.

Herewith final shortlist for codenames, with relevant comments:

Kickass: widely approved by committee, but possibly a touch provocative, and friend Blair keeps banging on about the diplomatic route.

Almighty dollar: catchy, and tells it like it is.

Liberator: could backfire if we don’t return the country to the Iraqis afterwards.

Unity: frontrunner — we liked the UN at the start — until MoD representative told us about this broad Unity Mitford who used to hang out with Nazi undesirables. Could be tricky PR-wise, especially in Tel Aviv.

Sandstorm: Too many openings for pinko liberal jokes about us not knowing where the hell we are.

Martial aid: play on words. Will remind some lily-livered European ingrates with their goddamn Security Council vetoes about the time Uncle Sam bailed them out (again).

Dead man walking: read it and weep, Saddam. Has potential headline-wise.

Florida: has White House backing — could attract useful votes in 2004 — but the other 49 would only beef.

Oasis: desert reference (see above), but we could end up with CNN using a soundtrack by a godawful Britpop band.

Montgomery: suggestion from MoD man, tied in with battle of El Alamein in WWII. Another desert motif, but straight out of court because our boys weren’t involved.

Crescent moon: poetic touch, but possible problems with Islam.

Cowboy: great Yankee image, but before you know where you are, it’s “Cowboys”, and we have to keep Enron out of this.

Crusade: just kidding.

Guardian: MoD guy had hysterics when one of our people came up with this. Some Commie newspaper problem over there, apparently.

Peace: guy from MoD said he thought Americans didn’t do irony. You gotta put up with it; they’ve thrown in a few of their toy soldiers.

Big Mac: could win us a major discount on the catering contract.

Pollyanna: from the “Hey, fellas, let’s lighten up a little” faction. Might play in the Midwest though.

Bodybags: guy who suggested this was at Kent State way back. Have passed name on to FBI.

Diana: this could cover all the bases — sexy, mommy image, loved New York, Brits would be flattered. How can anyone knock the broad? Any pictures of her in a tank?

Burning Bush: would have ’em whoopin’ down in Texas, but someone’s gonna pick up on the idea that Dubya thinks God’s talking to him directly. (I know he thinks that, you know he thinks that, but the Attorney General’s memo said it’s not happening.)

I’m advised that Chiefs of Staff need a decision soonest on this so they can input codename into computers and print up the stationery. Meanwhile, when do I go ahead with the same operation for North Korea?

Yours faithfully,
Colonel Thomas K. Dillinger II,
US Defense Department Office of Military Language

Why don't we help them for this most important task by winning the codename competition?

Winner will get one year supply of Small Pox vaccine for family of four and the codename will be used for the operation; two Runner-Ups will get a pair of the state of art gas masks each.

Send your idea to: Dubya Bush, K.A.S., Whitehouse, Washington D.C., USA

Closing date: Soon!

smass · #2 (**permalink**) 01-28-2003, 07:49 AM

"Operation remove the evil dictator who murders his own people from power"

Wow - how naive and idealistic - you'd think removing an evil dictator from power was actually a good idea - go figure...