| |  You know you need to get some action when....
| 
05-10-2004, 03:40 PM
|  | Moderator and Twisted Sister | | Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: The maelstrom where chaos merges with lucidity
Posts: 19,215
| | This past Friday I went to see a friend of mine, which involves a 90 minute ferry ride each way. The scenary is quite pretty...but if you've seen it many times before boredom does tend to set in.
On this particular occasion I was putting my time to good use by writing in my journal, but after a certain point I decided I could not cope with introspection for the remainder of the trip... so I snuck off to the gift shop in search of some mindless reading material. A few moments later I returned to my seat where I furtively opened up a Cosmo magazine...   I don't normally read this stuff, but it had been a long and stressful few weeks 
Within I found this moderately amusing page.... 10 Signs You Need To Get Some Action
1. If your mailman were even moderately less obese and didn't have hair on his hands, you'd be all over that
2. Your mother goes out of her way to tell you "those new laws in Vermont and Massachusetts" are just fine with her.
3. You wonder if the models in those Subway ads are already romantically involved
4. In the grocery store you find yourself lingering near the cucumbers
5. You're developing carpal tunnel syndrome and it ain't from typing
6. Try as you may, you just can't remember why you dumped any of your exes
7. The apartment is dusted, your check-book is balanced, and you're finding time to volunteer
8. In your swimsuit, you notice your bikini line scarily ressembles a redwood forest
9. Just moments ago, you agreed to let your parents hook you up with some guy they met on their Be a Better Christian Retreat
10. Your box of condoms has not only expired, but the brand has gone out of business.
Feel free to add 
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testingtest12Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
testingtest12.......All those moments ... will be lost ... in time ... like tears in rain.
Last edited by dragon wench; 05-10-2004 at 03:46 PM.
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05-10-2004, 03:58 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Nomindsland
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....errr... well, you know you need some action when your wife starts sending you videos of herself from hemhroids of the world marked "For Those Lonely Evenings."
Now, where's that Victoria's Secret thing....
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Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have! | Re: You know you need to get some action when....
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05-10-2004, 04:03 PM
|  | Moderator | | Join Date: May 2001 Location: This Quintessence of Dust
Posts: 6,251
| |  Quote: Originally posted by dragon wench
12. If Gwalchmai was even moderately less obese and didn't have hair on his face, you'd be all over that....
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05-10-2004, 04:15 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Pandemonium
Posts: 4,647
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12. You start cruising the American Legion dance halls looking for polka partners... 
13. You practice asking women out in front of your mirror, and you turn yourself down.
14. You dress like a Buddhist monk thinking the chicks will dig it. 
__________________ CYNIC, n.:
A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. -The Devil's Dictionary | | |
05-10-2004, 04:26 PM
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Posts: 4,855
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15. You can't stop playing BG2 because you really believe your relationship with Viconia is going places.
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Crush enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of the women.
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05-10-2004, 04:56 PM
| | Moderator | | Join Date: May 2001 Location: This Quintessence of Dust
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| | Quote: Originally posted by Ned Flanders
15. You can't stop playing BG2 because you really believe your relationship with Viconia is going places. | LOL!
16. You've been playing BG2 so long that you start or participate in a thread called Anomen where you can discuss all the various nuances of your relationship with the paladin-wannabe with other women who have also had relations with him..... | | |
05-10-2004, 05:08 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: the Floating World
Posts: 3,211
| | Quote: Originally posted by Chanak
14. You dress like a Buddhist monk thinking the chicks will dig it. | what, they don't?
and I spent all that money on saffron robes...
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Here where the flattering and mendacious swarm
Of lying epitaths their secrets keep,
At last incapable of further harm
The lewd forefathers of the village sleep. | | |
05-10-2004, 05:17 PM
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Posts: 70
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17.When you're 25 and still never have had any girlfriend at all..
(what?! Stop looking at me! *hides in the shadows of the forum*)
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05-10-2004, 05:54 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Pandemonium
Posts: 4,647
| | Quote: Originally posted by Robnark
what, they don't?
and I spent all that money on saffron robes... | Stick with the camos, and blue hair my man.
__________________ CYNIC, n.:
A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. -The Devil's Dictionary | | |
05-10-2004, 06:00 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: the Floating World
Posts: 3,211
| | Quote: Originally posted by Chanak
Stick with the camos, and blue hair my man. | I can do better than camos. got me a gas mask now 
on the downside, my favourite dye has gone out of stock, and since I'm looking for work, I'd probably not be allowed to dye it anyway. stupid people.
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Here where the flattering and mendacious swarm
Of lying epitaths their secrets keep,
At last incapable of further harm
The lewd forefathers of the village sleep. | | |
05-10-2004, 06:03 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Pandemonium
Posts: 4,647
| | Quote: Originally posted by Robnark
I can do better than camos. got me a gas mask now
on the downside, my favourite dye has gone out of stock, and since I'm looking for work, I'd probably not be allowed to dye it anyway. stupid people. | Damn, you are cooking with mazola now.
Sounds like a chick magnet. Heroic figure, up in the trees, shooting at innocent passerby with a slingshot, wearing a slick gas mask. Woot.
__________________ CYNIC, n.:
A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. -The Devil's Dictionary | | |
05-10-2004, 06:04 PM
| | Moderator and Twisted Sister | | Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: The maelstrom where chaos merges with lucidity
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ROFL! These are great, better than the originals actually.. but it is beyond any doubt that the wit of SYM far exceeds the variety found in magazines like Cosmo
@Gwally, LMAO!
erm... well hair on the face isn't a major problem.. unless you are a werewolf...
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testingtest12Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
testingtest12.......All those moments ... will be lost ... in time ... like tears in rain. | | |
05-10-2004, 06:11 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Pandemonium
Posts: 4,647
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__________________ CYNIC, n.:
A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. -The Devil's Dictionary | | |
05-10-2004, 06:13 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: the Floating World
Posts: 3,211
| | Quote: Originally posted by Chanak
Damn, you are cooking with mazola now.
Sounds like a chick magnet. Heroic figure, up in the trees, shooting at innocent passerby with a slingshot, wearing a slick gas mask. Woot. | I call it Post-Apocalyptic Nutjob Chic
no wonder the women love me. and, uh, avoid me like a contagious disease. probably just in awe of me 
__________________
Here where the flattering and mendacious swarm
Of lying epitaths their secrets keep,
At last incapable of further harm
The lewd forefathers of the village sleep. | | |
05-10-2004, 06:14 PM
| | Moderator and Twisted Sister | | Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: The maelstrom where chaos merges with lucidity
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testingtest12Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
testingtest12.......All those moments ... will be lost ... in time ... like tears in rain. | | Thread Tools | Search this Thread | | | | | Display Modes | Rate This Thread |  Linear Mode | | 
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