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02-20-2005, 12:26 AM
|  | Member | | Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Medicine Hat Alberta,Canada
Posts: 48
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Hey Guys, have you ever been a friend with someone for so long that you think you know them. Then bam the slap you in the face? I have been friends with this girl for almost 5 years and I have told her that I liked her several times. Just to have her come out, fight in front of me and say, "SOrry buddy but I won't go out with you." Infront of her friends and My friends. Man I lost it, we where at the movies and everything and she was cuddlign up to me, so I took a shot. I missed and bam. I must be an incredable loser. Yo, if anyone has any advice or anythign they want to share, Negative or positve, go for it. I don't care if you cut m down, I can't get any lower then I feel anyway.
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02-20-2005, 12:32 AM
|  | Super Moderator | | Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: The sun, the moon, and the stars.
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Is it possible that she felt very pressured by your remarks? Has she turned you down, before? If so, she may have done that in front of your other friends to make the message very clear, and to prevent you from saying she agreed behind her back. Not that you would do that; but some people do. If she's felt you were pressuring her, doing this in public may be part of a passive-aggressive behavior pattern, acting submissive to a man because women are supposed to do so, but then bluntly coming forth like this in front of witnesses when she could no longer stand it.
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To the Righteous belong the fruits of violent victory. The rest of us will have to settle for warm friends, warm lovers, and a wink from a quietly supportive universe.
Last edited by fable; 02-20-2005 at 12:47 AM.
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02-20-2005, 07:41 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: in a world full of death and destruction...
Posts: 420
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never give up hope, give it another 6 months minimum (though, i'd personally wait a year) then see if she has grown to like you anymore. use friends to find out if she likes you, but they shouldn't ask direct questions... unless its a casual "cureousity" question.
but no matter what, stay her friend. being a friend to her still (though you've been turned down) will show her that you don't need to bring your's and her relationship to the next level (though you want to). it will also show her that if she does go out with you and it doesn't work out then you and her can go back to being just friends without trouble.
good luck to ya man!  hope for the best! 
__________________ †Ð∂RK R∂VΣN† --love is way over rated, less its true and honest... but thats not easily found--
-ÐR "You will NEVER understand me till you can read my MIND!!!" Usstan Elgga Dos, Wael!!! | | |
02-21-2005, 10:38 AM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: England, High Wycombe
Posts: 938
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Or just do what I used to do when I was a teenager, if one girl rejected you, sleep with all her mates! Mind you I did get around a bit. Male version of the school bike. Grown out of it now though.
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02-21-2005, 02:28 PM
|  | Moderator | | Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: I'm from Iowa, I just work in space.. Okay the Spa
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I find that if a girl is making what may be advances such as cuddling up to you. It's best not to make a move until it's clear that she likes you(and I mean so clear that you'd be an idiot not to know it), or it looks like she is obviously saying "your turn" and waiting for your move. I'm not sure why I worked that way, but it always seemed to work out for me.
__________________
"Those who desire to give up freedom in order to gain security,
will not have, nor do they deserve, either one."
Thomas Jefferson | | |
02-21-2005, 02:46 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: I live in your home... I'm the hobo living in the basement...
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Well, i agree with Jop. You have to be sure she WANTS to be "closer" with you. My advice is to just wait. And if you think you're going absolutely no where, then spend more time with her without giving her the impression that you like her. If she thinks you want to spend time with her because you're madly in love with her then she's not going to want to hang around you. Eventually, she's going to start liking you, but it has to be naturally, you can't force her. Well, just stick to that, and she'll be in your arms in no time.
__________________ ------\¯\/¯/ |¯|)¯) /¯/\¯\ \¯\/¯/------
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Last edited by Ideal Maxima; 02-21-2005 at 02:52 PM.
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02-21-2005, 02:49 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Cell Block E
Posts: 2,142
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Originally Posted by Ideal Maxima Well, i agree with Jop. You have to be sure she WANTS to be "closer" with you. My advice is to just to wait. And if you think you're going absolutely no where, then spend more time with her without giving her the impression that you like her. If she thinks you want to spend time with her because you're madly in love with her then she's not going to want to hang around you. Eventually, she's going to start liking you, but it has to be naturally, you can't force her. Well, just stick to that, and she'll be in your arms in no time. |
As maxi found out the hard way, after much help from all his lovely friends at SYM   And, may I add, finally ended up with "she who must not be named." So they all lived happily ever after. Apart from possibly "she who must not be named"'s father
But yeah, pretty much take it as read. Just actas a friend and she'll eventually realise that you care alot for her, more than just physically. All the best. 
__________________ Mag: Don't remember much at all of last night do you? Me: put simply.... No
Mag: From what I put together of your late night drunken ramblings? Vodka, 3 girls, and then we played tic-tac-toe and slapped each other around.
Last edited by giles337; 02-21-2005 at 02:51 PM.
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02-21-2005, 02:55 PM
|  | Moderator | | Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Canada
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Ah the age old tradition of young men getting advice on young women from strangers on the internet.
Man, there is nothing we can really tell you. We don't really know you, or the girl, or the situation.
That said, What can you do? Walk away. There's no point chasing her. You made your shot, and turns out you missed.
Out of curiousity, what was your shot?
She's not yours to win, a relationship is a partnership, where 2 people who are different come together. Never ask for anything. Only take what is freely given.
I've "won" a number of women over my time with clever words and flowers, but it never lasts, because they fall in love with you at your best. At your most charming. I know I can't always be like that.
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The waves came crashing in like blindness.
So I just stood and listened.
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02-21-2005, 02:58 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: I live in your home... I'm the hobo living in the basement...
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Originally Posted by Obsidian
That said, What can you do? Walk away. There's no point chasing her. You made your shot, and turns out you missed.
Out of curiousity, what was your shot?
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Wow, who invited Mr. Sunshine? Just ignore this part of his post for it is not true. I thought i'd blown my chances at my gf (before she was my gf of course), but I asked for advice on SYM, and we've been going out ever since. So don't be so gloomy, and give the kid some hope. 
__________________ ------\¯\/¯/ |¯|)¯) /¯/\¯\ \¯\/¯/------
---------][-][ //-\\ ][_ (()) 2----------
------/_/\_\ |_|)_) \_\/_/ /_/\_\------ Elite Killing Squad | | |
02-21-2005, 03:03 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Cell Block E
Posts: 2,142
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Originally Posted by Ideal Maxima I thought i'd blown my chances at my gf (before she was my gf of course), but I asked for advice on SYM, and we've been going out ever since. | It's true. He is. And now he enjoys explaining every graphic detail to me on MSN every night It is, a double edged sword however, some chicks are gunna just keep blowing you off, more and more obviously if you don't get the message. Just give it time, and see how thigns go.
__________________ Mag: Don't remember much at all of last night do you? Me: put simply.... No
Mag: From what I put together of your late night drunken ramblings? Vodka, 3 girls, and then we played tic-tac-toe and slapped each other around.
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02-21-2005, 06:10 PM
| | Moderator | | Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Canada
Posts: 1,613
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Originally Posted by Ideal Maxima Wow, who invited Mr. Sunshine? Just ignore this part of his post for it is not true. I thought i'd blown my chances at my gf (before she was my gf of course), but I asked for advice on SYM, and we've been going out ever since. So don't be so gloomy, and give the kid some hope. |
I use Obsidian as my handle. Whats that tell you about my character?
Lets just say that over my time here, I've seen many of these threads, yours is the only success case Max.
Cudos on that. But I bet it had less to do with SYM and more with you being a young virile hunk.
That said, chin up CodyCarsen, there's been a precedent.
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The waves came crashing in like blindness.
So I just stood and listened.
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02-21-2005, 06:21 PM
| | Super Moderator | | Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: The sun, the moon, and the stars.
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Originally Posted by Obsidian I've "won" a number of women over my time with clever words and flowers, but it never lasts, because they fall in love with you at your best. At your most charming. I know I can't always be like that. | Very perceptive. You certainly don't want to show your worst side on dates, but trying to seem other than you are is a shortcut to unreasonable expectations. Being yourself is the best way forward, at all times. And if that's not enough in general, maybe you need to work at developing some new interests, and some social skills that aren't limited to romancing.
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To the Righteous belong the fruits of violent victory. The rest of us will have to settle for warm friends, warm lovers, and a wink from a quietly supportive universe. | | |
02-21-2005, 06:25 PM
| | Moderator | | Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: I'm from Iowa, I just work in space.. Okay the Spa
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I agree, almost everyone can be the perfect lover for one night. That doesn't mean she'll want to spend much more time than that with you.
__________________
"Those who desire to give up freedom in order to gain security,
will not have, nor do they deserve, either one."
Thomas Jefferson | | |
02-21-2005, 08:51 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: A broken home.
Posts: 120
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Or you could turn gay. Just a sugestion.
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02-21-2005, 08:52 PM
| | Super Moderator | | Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: The sun, the moon, and the stars.
Posts: 30,320
| | | Or you could turn gay. Just a sugestion.
CopperWater, this is a serious thread, and involves the person who started it bearing his emotions. If you're not going to treat it with sensitivity, keep out.
__________________
To the Righteous belong the fruits of violent victory. The rest of us will have to settle for warm friends, warm lovers, and a wink from a quietly supportive universe.
Last edited by fable; 02-21-2005 at 09:15 PM.
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