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07-02-2001, 05:30 AM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Pizza Place
Posts: 3,490
| |  The Cat's Diary
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.
DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan ......
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait. It is only a matter of time.
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Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
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07-02-2001, 10:52 AM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: England
Posts: 4,927
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FOTFFLESMHO
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I'm Devious
This is my Gift. This is my Curse. Who am I? I'm SpiderCraig |
07-02-2001, 11:42 AM
|  | Moderator and Twisted Sister | | Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: The maelstrom where chaos merges with lucidity
Posts: 17,995
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day 775. I'm finding that spreading the gravel from that nice box everywhere annoys them greatly. I shall have to keep this in mind.
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testingtest12Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
testingtest12.......All those moments ... will be lost ... in time ... like tears in rain. |
07-02-2001, 12:10 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Oct 2000
Posts: 501
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Day 800; It seems that I can invoke terror in them just by sitting up abruptly and staring toward another room. I must remember to only do this late at night for the best effect. |
07-02-2001, 12:17 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Valinor
Posts: 3,863
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Day 802: I don't know why they assume I had anything to do with the toppling of those breakable knick-knacks from the mantle  . It could have been the wind or an earthquake. But no, they come yelling after me... And that's another thing: What's with this 'Bad Fluffy' business? My name is Ragnor, Slayer of Mice! 
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Then darkness took me, and I strayed out of thought and time
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07-02-2001, 12:43 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: England
Posts: 4,927
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Day 805:They put a chain on me it iches like that powder they give me in rings when i walk, no mice i no that i know are deaf and now the people on the side of the house go putty whats that?
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I'm Devious
This is my Gift. This is my Curse. Who am I? I'm SpiderCraig |
07-02-2001, 01:00 PM
|  | Twisted Sister | | Join Date: May 2001 Location: Some Girls Wander By Mistake
Posts: 8,572
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Day 806 - and what is it with this bell? to protect the wild life??? I AM the wild life and it did not stop that truck shaving the hairs off my a**e this morning!
Day 806.5 - collar gone. I arrive home with a dramatic entrance through the catflap. My pets now believe I have a second address who remove the collars. They spoil me tonight - but I still don't get to sleep on the bed...
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Parachute for sale, like new! Never opened!
Guinness, black goes with everything.
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07-02-2001, 01:24 PM
|  | Paladin of Torm | | Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Reading, England
Posts: 5,091
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Day 807: The plan is thus, I shall attempt to annoy them so much that they run away from me and I keep the bed and the mice.
Day 807.5: The plan failed, I am now sitting outside with the catflap barred. Damn these cunning beasts!
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Perverteer Paladin
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07-02-2001, 02:11 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: England
Posts: 4,927
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Day 809:Today some small people came it was hell bows and im a male so now im kitty? i scratch them but i did not get out but the small ones ran i jumped and hissed it was so fun!But she had a broom and it hurts
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I'm Devious
This is my Gift. This is my Curse. Who am I? I'm SpiderCraig |
07-02-2001, 02:19 PM
|  | Moderator | | Join Date: May 2001 Location: This Quintessence of Dust
Posts: 6,236
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Day 813: One of my captors, the bearded one, strikes me as strange. Sometimes when I see him out of the corner of my eye, every fibre of by being shouts "prey!" This feeling dissipates as soon as I bite him on the ankle or attack his shoulder. Unfortunately, he insists on chasing me around the house with a squirt bottle whenever one of these episodes happens. Why is he punishing me? He is the one who insists on looking like prey...
__________________ That there; exactly the kinda diversion we coulda used. |
07-03-2001, 08:14 AM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Strana Mechti
Posts: 5,690
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Day 815 : I've just won a staring contest with Fluffy, the cat next door. Hah ! He should have never try to mess with me. Now I'm looking forward for my ultimate reward.......some precious time with Kitty, the beauty in the neighborhood.........
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"Chikara wa seigyo dekiru kedo, sore ni, tayoru tsumori wa nai."
"I can control my power but I have no intention of relying on it."
"Is there anything you want, anything at all. Come to me, I'll be your guardian angel" |
07-03-2001, 08:21 AM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Dead End Street
Posts: 11,275
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Day 816: They are going to put me under something called "the knife" this deos not sound good.....
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I'd have to get drunk every night and talk about virility...And those Pink elephants I'd see.
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07-04-2001, 05:54 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Florida
Posts: 230
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ROFLMAO to this whole thread! Bravo everyone and to Vehemence for starting it. Gads, I love my cats but all of this is kinda eerily familiar..... |
07-06-2001, 12:14 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Oct 2000
Posts: 501
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Day 817: Well, chasing that mop thingy around was fun. But now that the floor is clean I guess I'll go eat some grass I feel a hairball coming on.... |
07-06-2001, 01:26 PM
| | Twisted Sister | | Join Date: May 2001 Location: Some Girls Wander By Mistake
Posts: 8,572
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Day 818 - well they coaxed me into a basket with a few prawns. GOD I AM SO STUPID! I had discussed 'the knife' with Butch (a harmless gibbering Persian).
As soon as the gate was closed I knew that was the end of the two hairballs I value. I suddenly lost my appetite - I will never be able to look at a prawn again without thinking of my own lonely one...
The softskinned one was smiling - the bearded one was looking a little green. What will I say to Kitty? meOWWWWW
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Parachute for sale, like new! Never opened!
Guinness, black goes with everything.
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