The Book of PragMAHtics

[Maharlika]

Yes, my fellow SYMians... I have thought of coming up with another book. After starting off with my Book of SeMAHtics, I now present you with the Book of PragMAHtics. http://smilies.networkessence.net/co...ason/book2.gif

prag·mah·tics (prg-mahtks)
n. (used with a sing. verb)
1. The study of SYMian language as it is used in a social context, including its effect on the interlocutors.

2. The branch of SYMiotics that deals with the relationship between signs, especially words and other elements of language, and their users.

Ladies and Gents, here is my first entry:

Taken from an internet site where there's a competition for writing the most romantic first line and most unromantic second line.

Very much SYMian if I may say so myself.

-----------

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you...
...but the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty & so is your head.

After you, my love, my only prize...
...would be a bullet between the eyes.

Of loving beauty you float with grace ...
...if only you could hide your face.

I thought that I could love no other...
...until, that is, I met your brother.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot ...
...this describes everything you're not.

I want to feel your sweet embrace ...
...but don't take that paper bag off your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes...
...damn, I'm good at telling lies!

Every time I see your (smiling) face ...
...I wish I were in outer space.

I saw your face as you walked by ...
...but then I saw a better guy.

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
...marrying you ruined my life.

Beauty is on the inside, but some may doubt,
If its true, I'd prefer you inside out.

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

I see your face when I am dreaming ...
...that's why I always wake up screaming.

My love you take my breath away ...
...what have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell ...
...except for maybe "go to hell."

[Maharlika]

...hmmm...Sensei and the SLURRs, nice name for a boyband.

Pulled this from the fave joke thread. @E-man: Yeah, I know your shotgun is ready.

Anyway, check this out and be advised.

5 Stages of Drunkedness ***

Stage 1 - SMART http://smilies.networkessence.net/co...aFire/dork.gif

This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.

Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING http://www.gamers-forums.com/smilies...e_Emoticon.gif http://smilies.networkessence.net/ot.../ladys-man.gif

This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.

Stage 3 - RICH http://www.gamers-forums.com/smilies...nking_Emot.gif

This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH.

You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.

Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF http://www.gamers-forums.com/smilies...d_Emoticon.gif

You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!

Stage 5 - INVISIBLE http://smilies.networkessence.net/co...blackscary.gif

This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all the words.

Well you know what happens at the end of stage 5...

...chee... http://smilies.networkessence.net/co...g_Emoticon.gif

[Vicsun]

Quote:

Originally posted by Maharlika Yes, my fellow SYMians... I have thought of coming up with another book. After starting off with my Book of SeMAHtics, I now present you with the Book of PragMAHtics. http://smilies.networkessence.net/co...ason/book2.gif prag·mah·tics (prg-mahtks) n. (used with a sing. verb) 1. The study of SYMian language as it is used in a social context, including its effect on the interlocutors. 2. The branch of SYMiotics that deals with the relationship between signs, especially words and other elements of language, and their users. Ladies and Gents, here is my first entry: Taken from an internet site where there's a competition for writing the most romantic first line and most unromantic second line. Very much SYMian if I may say so myself. ----------- Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you... ...but the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty & so is your head. After you, my love, my only prize... ...would be a bullet between the eyes. Of loving beauty you float with grace ... ...if only you could hide your face. I thought that I could love no other... ...until, that is, I met your brother. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot ... ...this describes everything you're not. I want to feel your sweet embrace ... ...but don't take that paper bag off your face. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes... ...damn, I'm good at telling lies! Every time I see your (smiling) face ... ...I wish I were in outer space. I saw your face as you walked by ... ...but then I saw a better guy. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife: ...marrying you ruined my life. Beauty is on the inside, but some may doubt, If its true, I'd prefer you inside out. What inspired this amorous rhyme? Two parts vodka, one part lime. I see your face when I am dreaming ... ...that's why I always wake up screaming. My love you take my breath away ... ...what have you stepped in to smell this way? My feelings for you no words can tell ... ...except for maybe "go to hell."

Those remind me of a song...

Feelings

Feelings
Nothing more than feelings
Trying to forget my
Feelings of hate
Imagine
Beating on your face
Trying to forget my
Feelings of hate
Feelings
For all my life i'll feel it
I wish i'd never met you
You'll make me sick again
Feelings, oh oh feelings
Of hate on my mind
Feelings
Feelings like i've never liked you
Feelings like i want to kill you
Live in my heart
Feelings
Feelings like i wanna deck you
Feelings like i've gotta get you
Out of my life
Feelings, oh oh feelings
The hate's in my eyes
Feelings, oh oh feelings
You're not very nice

Oh yeah... and nice job Mah!

[Aegis]

And we made this man a Mod...

[Bloodstalker]

Well, why not? you're a mod

[KidD01]

Quote:

My love you take my breath away ... ...what have you stepped in to smell this way?

Somewhere deep down I really think that you should wash that antique socks

[Maharlika]

...read on folks.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In democracy your vote counts.
In feudalism your count votes.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft,
and I'll show you a flat minor.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully
recovered.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in
Linoleum Blownapart.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.


He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a
small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

The poor guy fell into a glass grinding machine and made a
spectacle of himself