soul mates?

JazzyAnna · #1 (**permalink**) 10-01-2004, 09:24 PM

I have a probably somewhat stupid question. Do any of you guys believe everyone has a soul mate? I don't know what I think, I guess I'd like to believe we all do. This is probably a stupid, cheesy thread, but I was just wondering.
-anna

dragon wench · #2 (**permalink**) 10-01-2004, 09:27 PM

I believe we have many potential soul mates

Opalescence · #3 (**permalink**) 10-02-2004, 02:36 AM

Ok, here's what I believe.

There are, what, upwards of six billion people living on this planet? And even assuming that we each have one hundred soul mates do you realize the chance of meeting one is still statistically insignificant? It's less than one in a hundred thousand. Not terribly good chances; which is why so many people "settle for what they've got". But don't listen to me, I'm one of the biggest pessimists you'll ever see.

Now, consider the possibility of meeting your soul mate if you've only got one. That would be one in six billion, three hundred and ninety one million, two hundred and eighty one thousand, eight hundred and forty two. In other words, statistically zero, in any scientific sense. I'm surprised people get married at all. However, the chance that a soul mate does NOT exist among the six billion, three hundred and ninety one million, two hundred and eighty one thousand, eight hundred and forty two other people out there is equally unlikely, by the exact reverse argument. So my answer is, he or she is definately out there, you're just not going to meet him or her. It's just like extraterrestrial life; they are almost certainly out there, but the chances of actually meeting them is astronomically small.

Paranitis · #4 (**permalink**) 10-02-2004, 02:47 AM

Deep down I WANT to believe in soul mates. But I can't fully believe in it because I will always have it in my mind that it might not be possible.

So in other words..Maybe.

C Elegans · #5 (**permalink**) 10-02-2004, 03:01 AM

I am not sure what a soul mate is, so I have to give two answers depending on definition here.

In New Age beliefs, there is a concept called soul mate which refers to a person (usually only one person) who you are supposed to be closely connected with spiritually, in a special way based on reincarnation. Since I don't believe in reincarnation, in souls or in mysticism in general, I of course don't believe in soul mates either.

If by soul mate, you mean people that we unusually quickly get very good contact with and have unusually fluent communication with regardless of the cause, then I believe everybody have many "soul mates" although I would not use that term. We sometimes meet people with whom we share fundamental values, structure of conceptualisation, cognitive style and basic personality traits. Meeting those people often feels like you have already known each other for a long time. You reach a level of understanding and closeness much quicker than normally, and you will become friends or fall in love almost immediately. The swiftness and feeling of immediacy often has the effect that people who are prone to believe in mysticism, think there is something mystical or magical about it. However it is not IMO, and among 6 billion people there are many such "soul mates" around for each of us.

Dink Martindale · #6 (**permalink**) 10-02-2004, 07:01 AM

If you think there's some person out there who is perfect for you in everyway (soul mate) then you are are living in a ridiculous fantasy world.

What if the person your involved with is beautiful, intelligent, makes you laugh, is committed to you, is great in bed, has excelent fashion sense and showers you with affection all the time but won't do their dishes?

If it's important to you that your mate do their own dishes then:

A. You could cast them away and continue looking for your perfect soul mate.

or...

B. You could realize that good relationships are about give and take where each person learns from each other about what is really important and is willing to adapt to something that is not exactly what they we're expecting.

fable · #7 (**permalink**) 10-02-2004, 07:14 AM

If by soul mate, you mean people that we unusually quickly get very good contact with and have unusually fluent communication with regardless of the cause, then I believe everybody have many "soul mates" although I would not use that term. We sometimes meet people with whom we share fundamental values, structure of conceptualisation, cognitive style and basic personality traits.

I think that's a fair statement--and I, too, shy away from the term "soul mates." Despite my beliefs, I see nothing indicating that any given individual is "destined" for another. If anything, I would suggest that two people who are very much alike in all the aspects CE's outlined are precisely the kind of folks that shouldn't form a relationship with longterm expectations--because what each person brings to a relationship is something unique and different. If two people are very much alike, there will be little chance for growth and learning, for multiple points of view or countering one another's weaknesses, and a probable tendency for boredom to set in after an initial period of exhiliration.

Chanak · #8 (**permalink**) 10-02-2004, 02:48 PM

My own beliefs and feelings on this issue are very broad and general. As we go along in life we find that we will encounter others who make a significant difference in our lives. Rarely is this association life-long - often it is circumstantial, perhaps for a season or two. These people could be friends, intimate partners, or perhaps even adversaries. Whatever the role and relationship - and regardless if it was a "bad" or "good" experience to us - we are both deepened and expanded by it (I've known many lasagnas like this; I was both deepened and expanded by my association with it

). To me, the person or people that has such an impact on my life is what a "soul-mate" really is.

There are some you may wish you never met. Others, you may miss terribly.

A long time ago I thought of a soul-mate as "the" intimate partner of your life. Time and experience has done much to show me that it is not a very accurate, nor healthy, concept. I met many potential "soul-mates," and while I certainly still love them, we just couldn't keep a healthy intimate relationship alive. There was something exceptional about each relationship, but in the end they each failed (not all of them disastrously; one in particular is still a very dear friend). The thing that stands out to me in my relationship with my wife is just how well we get along together. We can bicker, we can argue, and we can not talk to each other for a while, but in the end we are just very comfortable with each other. This seems to make all the difference in the world.

JazzyAnna · #9 (**permalink**) 10-02-2004, 10:44 PM

Jeez, I feel stupid for starting this thread. But thanks for the input. I guess I am kind of stupid for wanting to believe one day I'll meet the perfect guy. Yeah.
I'm really tired.

fable · #10 (**permalink**) 10-03-2004, 06:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JazzyAnna

Jeez, I feel stupid for starting this thread. But thanks for the input. I guess I am kind of stupid for wanting to believe one day I'll meet the perfect guy. Yeah.
I'm really tired.

Dreams of perfection in one's (future) mate have existed for thousands of years, JazzyAnna. I've read the work of many poets who praised their beloved's surpassing qualities to the skies, but not after living with him or her for a considerable period of time. The thrill of the dream in reallife either gives way to a sense of failure and missed opportunity (which is usually projected onto the mate), or to a something better than the dream--contentment--which can provide a quieter but varied pleasure that with luck and effort lasts a lifetime.

That doesn't mean you can't have fun culling the herd, in the meantime.

Make a list of those qualities you like in a guy, then see if you can pick a venue where singles matching that description are most likely to show up. And enjoy.

Tower_Master · #11 (**permalink**) 10-03-2004, 01:27 PM

I, personally, believe that there are plenty of people out there who we could end up being perfectly happy with. Some may indeed be "soul mates", but we grow much closer to people just by getting acclimated to them, ya know?

frogus23 · #12 (**permalink**) 10-03-2004, 02:38 PM

You can only have a soulmate if you have a soul - a deep core of you which never ever changes.

Some believe in it - personally, that thought repulses me.

What kind of person are you if you cannot be what you want?...and more importantly, why do you bother leaving the house, reading others' opinions, talking to boys, if it is not going to change who you are.

Everybody is an individual at every moment, but your life is a waste of time if you think that you're still gonna be that same individual for the rest of it.

So you can find a soulmate, and the connection that we have to these kind of people is immensely valuable - but the joy of staying with that person is in changing with them, going to different places and ending up somewhere new with one another, but equally close...
and if you hope that this person's "soulmate" special status is going to prevent them & your relationship from changing (possibly for the worst) then you are denying the vital immediacy of life.