somewhat vexed dilemma

[VonDondu]

Originally Posted by Tricky

Well, it's in my nature I guess. It feels a little flattering when someone points that out, it happens all the time...

We have a tendency to believe that our "best" features define who we are. There was a similar tendency among early philosophers to describe the "nature" of various creatures according to their traits or skills that made them unique. What is the essence of a bird? What is the essence of a human? The ability to reason and to be aware of oneself supposedly makes humans unique. That's not the sort of thing that's conclusive when it comes to modern philosophy and science, but that was the idea back then. But anyway, when sensititive, intelligent people feel like they're not much good at anything else (rightly or wrongly), they pride themselves on their intellect. It's their best trait, so their ego depends on it, and the surest way to shatter their confidence is to challenge their intellect. I know this from personal experience.

Maybe someday you will outgrow the need to over-analyze everything and the tendency to pride yourself on your analytical nature. I have found that life is much more peaceful and my ego is much more comfortable if I stop worrying about every little detail and let the world go by without trying to understand every part of it. I like myself not because I have any particular gift, but just because I like being who I am. That's better than knowing the answer to every dilemma I come across.

[Lady Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by Tricky

I've used it as a metaphor, I thought I made that clear. Damn, you make me sound like a real looney now.

At least you don't sound like the Grim Reaper any more.

Do I actually have to use a world like ye before people start to take me seriously?

I am taking ye seriously, regardless. But being serious does not mean being mournful. As a matter of fact, if your final goal is peace of mind, try to look at your "dilemma" with a bit (or a byte) of humor. It is healthier than confabulation. I mean no disrespect.

This shrink tries to accommodate me rather than his etch-a-sketch. I haven't experienced that treatment yet, I rather like it. And these assignments, I can appreciate them too. It feels good to work on something the whole time between sessions, rather than review my status quo one hour before it one.

I know you like to write. I suspect you invested a lot of points in your Creative Writing skill. I suppose in your assignment you attempt to describe your emotions, explain your position and reassess your perceptions of what happened or what might have happened, for your shrink and for yourself, yet at the same time you strive to compose an essay of some literary value, don't you? I don't think you experience a sort of writer's block or lack insights - it is the strange topic of your assignment that makes writing so difficult. It is hard to elaborate on something so... I dare say, meaningless and retain sanity and self-esteem.
OK, let's examine your troublesome B:

B. You're not around. Through circumstances beyond your control you also never get to know what happened. You're stuck with the lingering question of what 'A' might have been like.

Now it seems we are back to our computerized logic: you did not get to know the details. But who said that you would NEVER get to know what happened? Who predetermined that? Who wrote that damn program? Only if all witnesses, all people who know (and I assume lots of different people do) what happened will be incinerated by the Hellfire tomorrow, you will never know the whole story. Otherwise, there is always a possibility that you will learn some day, somehow.

Until then, accept your lot. If you feel guilty deep in your heart, accept your quilt instead of trying to dull the pangs of your conscience by rationalizing.
And honor the memory of your friend. Would your friend like you to “delete” your memories? Would you like your close friends to “delete” their memories of you if you die? Just live your life, enjoy being wonderfully imperfect. Let go. Don't forget to burn your essay.

Perhaps you feel that all I wrote was shallow compare to the infinite wisdom of your “lingering question” dilemma...

...yet I still maintain that fresh air, a bit of vigorous exercise, and a cheerful lover are better for mental health than any shrink.

[C Elegans]

Originally Posted by Tricky

C Elegans - what you don't understand about my A/B question is part of the problem, I see that much. Perhaps in writing this I'm supposed become aware why, because as I've stressed before, I can't connect the dots either. This is as best as I can do, so telling me I don't make any sense doesn't do much for me.

My main question remains: why is this important to you? What do you want to achieve, what is the aim of pondering these alternatives? That something does not make sense, doesn't necessarily mean that it holds a deep, elusive meaning. If fact, that something doesn't make sense, is quite often because it simply makes no sense.

With narrow replies I assume you mean on topic, I just don't want to deviate. With 'academic' I stress that that I can't delve into specifics and am hence trying to keep this discussion.. what's the word.. not about 'me', but these hypothetical questions. I shouldn't have written 'most widely acknowledged' about sleeping, that was bull. I'd rather say it's more easily understood by most folk. Wrote everything in the moment. What I don't appreciate is the sharp deconstructing the moment what I say doesn't come together well. It would be worrisome if it was. As for Boy Meets World, I explained in the next sentence that there is a narrator who summarizes what occurs. That's the core right there, what more do you want? If you wished to accommodate my earlier request of not straying off topic, you could've just Googled it up. Have I upset you? I don't like the tone of your writing.

With narrow I mean specific. I have problems understanding what you want with your dilemma and what answers you want from us. Thus, it is very difficult for me to predict what you will find on- and off topic. If you desire highly specific and precise answers, you should perhaps try to describe more specifically what you want?
Btw, I am not upset by what your write but come to think of it, it may be a bit upsetting that your psychiatrist reinforce your rumination of this type of issues

If I understand you correctly, the point of this "deletion" and "compilation" of memories, is that you want memories of unpleasant things to be like a narrators meta-perspective. "Deletion" of memories does not exist unless you damage your brain. I don't understand how you mean sleep and this deletion are related to each other.
Luckily for you however, I can tell you that part of the human consciousness and memory system works just like a meta-perspective, automatically, without you having to force it or write essays about it. As I explained above, our memories of what we percept and experience constantly change over time, we constantly reinterpret and "reshape" our memories and our memory of our memories. Memory is not static, and previous memories are re-interpreted and re-organized in the context of new experiences. This is regardless of whether the memories are pleasant or unpleasant. (Memory research on traumatic events show that unpleasant memories are not a specific category that differs from other memories.) If you are interested in these type of questions, I heartily recommend you to read Antonio Damasio's "The Feeling of What Happens". It's one of the best and most readable popular science books about the process of consciousness and memory.

[Claudius]

If there is something troubling you, you are right. If after reflection, you still think there is something troubling you, though you can't pinpoint it, you are still right - because thinking you are troubled is itself trouble. Just be sure you were not searching for a rabbit horn or tortoise hair - something which does not exists - like a phantom worry that sustains a phantom pain.

This is from a newsletter I received. I don't want to give you the wrong idea and say you should deny your vexation but I am urging to consider the possibility that the greatest source of trouble is that you think you are troubled which feels uncomfortable. I think the remedy is to let go non-conceptually and feel that pain. Rest in it.

I hope this helps.

[Tricky]

Ah screw it, I'm turning it in. I'll never complete it this way. I guess it's impossible to objectify something that's too personal and specific to be understood without details. I don't care anymore.


... hey, maybe that was the point?

[VonDondu]

Originally Posted by Tricky

... hey, maybe that was the point?

Possibly, but I doubt that's what your "shrink" had in mind. (I assume that "shrink" is not a pejorative term, since practitionsers such as C elegans apply it to themselves.)

In any case, you've analyzed it to death, and now you're ready to move on. Sounds good to me.