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02-07-2004, 06:10 AM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: liberally sprinkled in the film's opening scene
Posts: 4,476
| | | There is no difference but in their color, but both of them are savages, you must agree. Uneducated, filthy, dirty and unbathed they are but the scum of grapes and prime enemy of humanity! I say we crush them both and make wine from their fine blood. Then we shall proceed, as any gentelperson would, to feast upoin their spirits and cultivate their children for our future generations.
__________________ Vicsun, I certainly agree with your assertion that you are an unpleasant person. ~Chanak  |
02-07-2004, 06:18 AM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: England
Posts: 535
| | | That, in itself, would be a simply marvellous idea, but there are wider consequences to consider.
The grapes have powerful allies. Destroying them all wqould bring down upon us the armies of bananamen, strawberries, and Big ladies wearing big hats covered in fruits
surely you must concur that this is something we simply cannot handle, and therefore must appease the grapes for our own safety?
__________________
'My pantaloons are full of weasels. Inform the Queen, so that she might shoo them away. Here we go 'round the mulberry bush. Go monkey GO!'-Wanev
Have you ever heard any more inspiring or logical words? I sure haven't.
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02-07-2004, 06:26 AM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: liberally sprinkled in the film's opening scene
Posts: 4,476
| | | Crush them! Crush them all I say, for they cannot withstand the power of our wrath! If the traitorous villains do unite against us, all the better. We shall then be able to eleminate them altogether. We shall then have not only wine to drink but we will also have enough ingredients for a fruit salad.
God is on our side; charge I say! Charge!
__________________ Vicsun, I certainly agree with your assertion that you are an unpleasant person. ~Chanak |
02-07-2004, 06:29 AM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: England
Posts: 535
| | | No Vicsun! I implore you.....euuggh thats not pretty.
Big hats can hide explosives you hasty fool!
/mourns
__________________
'My pantaloons are full of weasels. Inform the Queen, so that she might shoo them away. Here we go 'round the mulberry bush. Go monkey GO!'-Wanev
Have you ever heard any more inspiring or logical words? I sure haven't.
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02-07-2004, 02:20 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Spanking Witch King
Posts: 1,988
| | | As Voo enters the room, a surly pomegranite with a cherry bomb strapped to his back leaps towards Voo with zealous abandon
Voo: Hey whoa!
Pomegranite: In the name of my grape comrades, you must die!!!...pulls on cherry bomb stem
Voo: Grapes?
Pomegranite: Us Poms are standing shoulder-to-shoulder with our grape allies.
Voo: But I have nothing against grapes...some of my best friends are grapes!
Pomegranite: Stop using cliches and pull yourself up by your own bootstraps!
Voo bends down and, tugging hard on her bootstraps, tries to pull herself up, but only succeeds in pushing her head down through the floor. Tired of being ordered about and berated, she decides to ask some questions.
Voo: I've never seen a talking pomegranite before. Where do you come from?
Pomegranite: Right here, of course! Is there anywhere else?
Voo: Uh, so I've been told.
Pomegranite: I've never heard of anywhere but here. Prove it.
Voo: It's hard to explain, really. Over in the *other* place, there's a little yellow room, and a woman is sitting in front of a computer making all this up.
Pomegranite: So, like, *I* don't really exist and none of this is real? Then I'm sure you won't mind if I throw this cherry bomb in your EYE!!!
Cherry Bomb: Go for it! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!
Voo: Please no! I'm as distressed by that as you are, believe me.
Pomegranite: So, if "here" is not really "here", then how can we be talking like this?
Voo: I don't know...It makes me feel so existential, and it gives me such a terrible headache. Don't you ever get headaches?
Pomegranite: I'm sure you'd give me one if I had a head, whatever that is. I wish you would start making sense.
Voo: My head is this, um, round thing? On the top of my body?
Pomegranite: I have to admit you are the ugliest fruit I ever saw.
Voo: What's to stop me from just eating you!
Pomegranite: My god, woman! That's sick! And you call the grapes savages...
Voo: I never said that - stop putting words in my mouth!
Voo spits and a bunch of words scurry away into the dark corners of the room. All words she dislikes because she can never remember what they mean...inchoate, heuristic, assiduous...
Pomegranite: Will you stop beating around the bush?
Bush: Yeah, cut it out, will ya? You're stunting my growth will all that racket! I can't even hear myself think!
Voo jumped, for she hadn't noticed the bush before
Voo: Where'd you come from? Notices she's holding an egg beater in her hands...has she been beating around the bush this entire time?
Bush: I've always been here. I am here now. And I always will be here.
Voo: Bush, have you ever heard of anywhere but here?
Bush: We got here yesterday, we're here now, and I can't wait to leave tomorrow. We got here yesterday, we're here now, and I can't wait to leave tomorrow.
Voo: Pom, does he always talk in riddles?
Pomegranite: That's the pot calling the kettle black, don't you think?
Pot: You're black!
Kettle: Why, thank you!
Pot: You're quite welcome.
Kettle: Cheerio.
Voo: Can you please tell me what's going on?
Pomegranite: Look over there - in that corner...They killed them...killed them all...all the little defenseless grapes...and then they drank their blood! Filthy barbarians!
Voo walks over to the table. Vicsun and Mini-me are nowhere to be found. The floor is viscous with squishy grape. Sitting on the table is a large goblet with a note next to it: DRINK ME.
__________________
God there’s a lot of stupid bastards walking around. Carry a little pad and pencil with you, you'll wind up with 30 or 40 names by the end of the day. Look at it this way: think of how stupid the average person is... and then realize that half of them, are stupider than that! (George Carlin) |
02-07-2004, 02:29 PM
|  | Moderator and Twisted Sister | | Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: The maelstrom where chaos merges with lucidity
Posts: 17,967
| | @Voo!
ROFLMFAO!!! 
*gently places padding on the walls of the room* 
__________________
testingtest12Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
testingtest12.......All those moments ... will be lost ... in time ... like tears in rain. |
02-07-2004, 02:30 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Soviet Canuckistan
Posts: 13,431
| | You call this spam? 
Amateurs...
*Ahem*
1... |
02-07-2004, 02:32 PM
| | Moderator and Twisted Sister | | Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: The maelstrom where chaos merges with lucidity
Posts: 17,967
| | Quote: Originally posted by Aegis
You call this spam?
Amateurs...
*Ahem*
1... | *places Aegis in a straight jacket before he can damage himself or anything else*
__________________
testingtest12Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
testingtest12.......All those moments ... will be lost ... in time ... like tears in rain. |
02-07-2004, 02:52 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Soviet Canuckistan
Posts: 13,431
| | Quote: Originally posted by dragon wench
*places Aegis in a straight jacket before he can damage himself or anything else* | That only adds to the fun 2...  |
02-07-2004, 02:57 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: liberally sprinkled in the film's opening scene
Posts: 4,476
| | | Oh my! What is all this nonsense? And who are the fools invading my privacy with such uncourteousness? Out with you! Both the spammer and the wench!
On second thought the wench can stay. With a little reformation she will behave like a civilized being, but that damnéd spammer has to go.
__________________ Vicsun, I certainly agree with your assertion that you are an unpleasant person. ~Chanak |
02-07-2004, 03:00 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Soviet Canuckistan
Posts: 13,431
| | Quote: Originally posted by Vicsun
Oh my! What is all this nonsense? And who are the fools invading my privacy with such uncourteousness? Out with you! Both the spammer and the wench!
On second thought the wench can stay. With a little reformation she will behave like a civilized being, but that damnéd spammer has to go. | Hey! I resent being called a Wench!
3... |
02-07-2004, 06:17 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Spanking Witch King
Posts: 1,988
| | | Voo wondered who had written the note...She lifted the goblet to her lips and drank it down.
Everything went white and when she opened her eyes, she was sitting in an igloo.
Sitting on a throne made of moose antlers, was a young man dressed in only a diaper and an enormous crown.
Voo: This keeps getting curiouser and curiouser. Who are you?
Aegis: You should always bow when addressing the King.
Voo bows
Voo: So, who are you?
Aegis: You should always bow when addressing the King!
Voo tries to speak while bowing Look, I don't mean any disrespect and all, but this is getting a little tiring.
Aegis: Keep bowing or I'll have you banned!
Voo: Banned from what?
Aegis: From my Kingdom!
Voo: You mean, this igloo?
Aegis: This is NOT an igloo - it's an Ice Palace.
Voo: Is this all there is to your *kingdom*?
Aegis: Of course not. Follow me and I shall show you.
They go outside. The wind is bitter, and they are surrounded by nothing except white.
Aegis: My Kingdom is quite enormous. I rule as far as the eye can see!
Voo: But there's really nothing there!
Aegis: I rule nothing! Nothing is MINE, ALL MINE.
Voo: But nobody wants your *nothing*!
Aegis: I know, and when I get my hands on "Nobody", I am going to give him seven kinds of fish-slapping!
Voo: Okayyy...What do you do here?
Aegis: Mostly I count. One....two....three...four....five....six...
Voo: Why?
Aegis: twelve...thirteen...fourteen...fifteen...why, the...sixteen...seventeen...sheep, of course...eighteen...
Voo: But I don't see any sheep?
Aegis: Duh! The sheep are camouflaged.
Voo: Look, this is getting a little tedious. Could you stop?
Aegis: thirty-one...thirty-two...thirty-three...
The counting of sheep has made Voo's eyes grow heavier and heavier, and she lays down and takes a little nap. She has the strangest dream that all of this is a dream of a dream. Finally, she wakes up again.
Aegis: five thousand eleventy-three...five thousand eleventy-four...
Voo: *Ahem* How do I get out of here?
Aegis: NOW look what you've done...You made me lose count! I'm going to have to start ALL over again.
One...two...three...
Voo: No, stop!!! How do I get out of here?
Aegis: You will have to face me in battle.
Aegis carves a hole in the white and pulls out a Dual Wield Sturgeon & Salmon for himself. He reaches farther in the hole and hands Voo a minnow.
Let the Fish-Slapping Contest begin!
SMACK
SMACK
SMACK
SMACK
Repeatedly hits Voo on the head.
Voo is dazed and still clutching her Minnow. She pulls out a slingshot, loads the Minnow and
Minnow: Nooo, please, noooo!
Voo: Got any better suggestions? Here he comes again - help!
Minnow: The hole! Get us into the hole!
Aegis is running full-speed toward Voo, swinging his fish in the air and yodelling.
Voo stumbles backwards and steps
into the hole
__________________
God there’s a lot of stupid bastards walking around. Carry a little pad and pencil with you, you'll wind up with 30 or 40 names by the end of the day. Look at it this way: think of how stupid the average person is... and then realize that half of them, are stupider than that! (George Carlin) |
02-07-2004, 06:39 PM
|  | Twisted Sister | | Join Date: May 2001 Location: Some Girls Wander By Mistake
Posts: 8,572
| |  Gwally? Is that you?
Oh no!!! Gwally has got Voo's password!! Who else could be so self amusing yet so genius??
Remarkable indeed, Voo! Excellent! You and Gwally would make a great team LMAO!! Saves talking to yourself, though that might be small consolation
__________________
Parachute for sale, like new! Never opened!
Guinness, black goes with everything.
Last edited by Yshania; 02-07-2004 at 06:43 PM.
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02-07-2004, 08:25 PM
|  | Moderator | | Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Twixt firelight and water
Posts: 7,272
| | I really hope I don't see counting in this thread 
__________________ GameBanshee Make your gaming scream! "I have seen them/I have watched them all fall/I have been them/I have watched myself crawl" "I will only complicate you/Trust in me and fall as well" "Quiet time...no more whine" |
02-07-2004, 10:26 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Soviet Canuckistan
Posts: 13,431
| | Quote: Originally posted by T'lainya
I really hope I don't see counting in this thread | I'll have you know I've posted something sort've relevant... To someone... Somewhere... At sometime... With each number!
Now... Where was I...
@Voo: That was priceless. | | Thread Tools | | | | Display Modes | Rate This Thread |  Linear Mode | | 
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